Monday, October 02, 2006

Neil Armstrong – “A” Man Of The People

I read a lot about this on blogs and news sites over the weekend and wanted to chime in. When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon almost 40 years ago, he thought he said, “That’s one small step for A man, one giant leap for mankind.” Unfortunately, as we all know, it wasn’t transmitted that way. According to news reports, a computer programmer in Australia used sound editing software to represent graphically that the first man on the moon did say “small step for a man” when making his famous declaration.

When the news was released, there were several NASA scientists who lost very old bets on what they had always believed Armstrong really said. Although it was garbled originally, most scientists who were working at mission control the day of the famous moon landing thought Armstrong’s first statement was “ha, that’s what you get for dumping me Martha Sue. Look at me now; I’m walking on the friggin’ moon!” Others thought Armstrong said, “well, here goes nothing.” Thanks to the software, we now know exactly what Armstrong said: “that’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.”

As you might have guessed, others have already put the sound editing software to good use on some of the other more famous quotes and sound bytes in American history. We know now, for example, that when speaking of his affair with Monica Lewinsky, President Clinton actually said “I …sort of…did not have sexual relations…by definition only…with that woman…so to speak.” Thanks to this wonderful technology, we can prove that Clinton actually did not lie to the American people; it was apparently the microphone’s fault.

We also have a better understanding of President George H.W. Bush’s intention for taxes during his term as President. It turns out that he too did not lie to us. The software indicates that what he really said was, “Read my lips, no new taxes…for the first few months anyway, suckers!”

President Kennedy’s often referred to statement about contributing to this country now has a new meaning. Upon being analyzed, Kennedy said, “ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country…sniveling ingrates.” It seems that the last two words were not audible enough when originally uttered. Speaking of inaudible utterances, I hear they are currently working on revealing the contents of all the “erased” portions of Nixon’s Watergate tapes. My guess is that when deciphered, it’ll sound something like:

Nixon: “Where the heck is the record button?”
Kissinger: “I tink it’s da red vun, Mr. President. Ve can land a man on da moon, but ve can’t work a tape recorder? ”
Nixon: Don’t blame me. I am not a crook and I am not a sound engineer.”

This should be taken as a warning to all politicians and public figures that you’d better not try to say anything under your breath when speaking publicly because eventually it will be deciphered. Did you hear the music from “Jaws” in the background as you were reading that? Because I did and it’s freaking me out.

Anyway, when man landed on the moon, whatever Neil Armstrong was going to say, even if it was, “I really should have gone to the bathroom before I suited up and walked out here. Man I hope I can hold it,” was going to be remembered for all of time. Now it’s nice to know that one of man’s; I mean mankind’s most famous phrases has been accurately revealed. You can quote me on that…I guess…if you really have to.

13 comments:

Dr. A said...

They also quoted that annoying guy on the cell phone commercials: Can you hear me now? Of course you can you F*&^%$ idiots! Now, buy my cell phone!

Odat said...

Oh nooooooooooo!!!! I'm sooo happy I'm not anyone famous...boy, would I be in deep shit....(I mean doo doo....) or whatever the sound machine picks up! And you can quote me!!!! (or not)...
Great post!

Peace!

the Laughorist said...

I stick with the analysis by Ralph Keyes in The Quote Verifier: he meant to say the "a" but didn't. The Australian research is, um, um, hogwash. Great post of yours on how revisionist history has "corrected" those other famous quotes. Great stuff. (Hats off to your Dodgers. They were clearly better than my G-men. Let's go Mets!)

Ra Ra Ra Bunggio said...

nice...

Michael C said...

Dr.A: Yeah that has to be one of the most annoying commercials out there now.

Odat: I think I will quote you ;-)

Laughorist: Sorry about the Giants...go Mets? You're killing me ;-) I don't think how Armstrong could have fit that "A" in there...

Ra Ra: Thanks for stopping by again!! It's appreciated!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Great post, Michael!

Long ago, in the Dark Ages before television, Uncle Don read the comics aloud on the radio Saturday mornings. His show was broadcast coast-to-coast.

At the end of one session, he thought the mikes were off and said, "That oughta hold the little bastards for another frickin' week."

Parents across America were scandalized, and Uncle Don was history.

ShadowFalcon said...

it had to be scripted before hand... I mean who gets out a space ship and land on the moon and say something that good, I bet he wanted to say something like 'I can't believe I'm actually here' but no he utter those words...a little too good me thinks...

Anonymous said...

You know it´s Aldrin in the pic....


/jw

Anonymous said...

mets rock!And Dr.A you are one peace of shit!

tim said...

let it be clear
in 1969 america was at a point of destruction against the russian's
mean while back in hill billy usa they have decovered a way to make the world weep! alas
lets " fake the moon"
and there you go goddamn american idiots and you'r simple minds believing in something that is obviously a fake
1.the flag was a give away
2.there is not enough co2 oxygen or wind or any carbon dioxide to sustain life whether it be alien or human to any degree.
the damn flag was waving!!!! morons!

let it be noted'
it was just stupid on their part to host the most expensive holly wood stunt in those day's


fake paper moon

http://www.lunaranomalies.com/fake-moon.htm

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, that right there's a picture of Buzz Aldrin :p

Anonymous said...

why don't you all just shut up. None of you could do it cuz your all shit heads. "oo i find it funny to make fun off people" i bet your all overwait trainnies.

Anonymous said...

dear Anonymous from july 5th,
it's make fun OF not make fun OFF