Saturday, February 14, 2009

Uh-Oh. It's V-Day!!

Nah, I’m just kidding, I knew it was coming and am prepared. Well ok, I realized it was coming about 30 mins ago when my sweet little children asked where their Valentines Day presents were. And no, I am not prepared. In fact, I had quite the day planned...for myself.

It would have been a lovely affair. Practice and racing all day from Daytona, this evening's NBA All-Star weekend festivities and then the piece of resistance (which doesn't sound nearly as good as it does in French, by the way) - Alec Baldwin hosting SNL tonight with musical guests (this is where I start trembling) The Jonas Brothers!!!! Yes, I'm kidding about the Jonas Brothers thing. They make me want those annoying toe-headed brothers that sang that Shoo-Bop song to come back. Admit it, you know who I'm talking about...

Now comes the obvious dilemma. Do I cancel my plans, which I have waited on for several weeks now (not to sway your opinion any) or continue with my plans and deal with the uh, aftermath. After all, V-Day happens every year and there are only 37 race weekends in each season. And who knows what amazing dunk might be thrown down in the dunk contest tonight or when Alec Baldwin will host SNL again. This is really starting to harsh my vibe. Yes, I'm still using that phrase. It should be out of my system by April or so.

The problem is that there are not many days on our calendar that are actually designated to show our love for that special person in our lives, or to feel the pressure to find one if we don’t have anybody. Just because it says so on our calendars, Blackberries, Daytimers and Palm Pilots we get all prettied up, buy flowers and chocolates and try to make our lovers swoon. I have to admit that I feel a little like Forrest Gump on his bus bench when I try to conform. But that’s all I have to say about that.

All over the country, people will be eating romantic dinners in or out tonight (geez, there’s a definitive statement). I guesstimate that Dean Martin’s Volare will be heard about 8,000 times at Italian eateries everywhere, whereas ACDC’s ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ will probably be shelved for the evening. Unless you're into that. When it comes to the meal itself, many may opt for a romantic Italian eatery. There’s nothing like consuming lots of garlic-accentuated pasta on the most romantic night of the year. You just need to be careful not to speak in attractive breathy tones or sexy long drawn out syllables after eating all that garlic. That my friend is a definite mood killer, though I’ll spare you my pasta/body odor dissertation for now…

Despite the feeling of love in the air, it’s still easy to do something wrong tonight. I can offer some tips on things not to do. Please keep in mind however that I am pulling these out of thin air. It's not like I have ever done any of the following things. For instance, never look at your loved one and question the portion size of what they are ordering or suggest that maybe they don’t really need dessert this year. Never point out how nice someone else looks when they walk by. May I also suggest that any phrase that starts with ‘you know, I was going to get you flowers tonight, but…’ should never under any circumstances be uttered. No matter how tempting or funny it may be, stay away from the humorous Valentines Day cards. Even though Lucy Ricardo may be on the front and it plays the 'I Love Lucy' theme when you open it, not everyone sees that as 'romantic.'

I remember a fun Valentines Day mistake I made a few years ago at work (this is where you cue the harp and wavy dream like flashback sequence). When I over heard my overbearing female coworker tell someone on the phone ‘well, try to have a decent day,’ I mentioned to her and the rest of the office that what she just said was a lovely Valentines wish. After everyone in the office chuckled (and then mysteriously disappeared), she gave me a dirty look and told me that the person on the phone was going to a funeral. Oops. Well, at least the then recently departed got flowers that day…am I right ladies??!!!