Wednesday, October 06, 2010

A Riding Lawnmower...The Only Way To Drive.

Well I am sitting here in Starbucks with my pumpkin latte, which means 
it's writing time. But what the heck should I write about? A look through the weird news gave me an idea. Country music fans of George Jones will appreciate this: a man in Florida was arrested driving a riding mower trying to get away from a robbery. He stole some grass. Get it, it's a riding mower but also a term for marijuana. If I have to explain it, it means it's not funny. Uh, never mind...

George Jones used to drive a riding lawn mower when his wife took his car keys...alcohol may have been involved. He once sang a song about it, how she took his car keys, but she forgot about his ole John Deere. But this has happened in real life.

It gives me an idea. Because of my stroke, I have lost my license. Now I have to convince my wife to buy a riding mower. This might be a difficult proposition, because the last time I drove, I drove my brother's ATV into a tree. Granted that has been a few months but I think the episode is still fresh in the minds of all that witnessed it. Especially my brother who had the buy a new ATV!

Of course my lawns don't require a riding lawn mower, I could use it, but there would a lot of turning around and 3-point turns...which I don't think my doctor wants me to do. And I would have to watch out for sprinklers. I remember the first one a mowed over. I went in the house and told my dad that it looked like an explosion from Star Wars or James Bond. This was about a year ago. I'm kidding, I was 9 or 10. Wait a minute, I didn't get paid for that now that I think about it. Is there a statute of limitations for suing about unpaid child labor? I'm sure after almost 30 years it has expired...darn!

But I digress. This was supposed to be about me getting a lawn mower. I can see it now, with a cup holder, a stereo and one seat...just for me. I could cruise down to the BBQ joint or through the drive-thru at Mickey D's. Or to the car wash. Me and my John Deere.

So, if you come across a riding lawnmower at a stop light, just wave. DO NOT call the cops! And you might want to give me a running start when the light turns green. John Deere's are not known for their acceleration. It's more of a comfort vehicle...