Maybe They Should Just Name It ‘Find Me Elmo’

The official Christmas shopping season is not even upon us yet and there is already mounting concern (ok, it may not be mounting yet, but it sounds more dramatic that way) about the availability of the new Elmo TMX (Tickle Me Extreme). Not only does Elmo still laugh when tickled, he now rolls on the floor laughing and is much more animated in his reactions. In short, it sounds like Elmo comes awfully close to a seizure when tickled. I hope it comes with a warning to move all furniture away from Elmo before your turn him on!

Officially, TMX stands for Tickle Me Extreme, but I think the X means something different to the folks at Fisher-Price who make Elmo TMX. They can’t be found anywhere on store shelves and they have already been tabbed as the one toy every kid will want this Christmas. Well not every kid, I can’t imagine Elmo being too popular with the 8 and over crowd. My guess is that the X stands for 10, as in there were only 10 of these dolls made. That explains why we can’t find them anywhere. Who thought that finding a new Elmo doll would rival finding cheap gas this past summer? I’m guessing 7 of the 10 will end up on E-Bay, too.

As a preemptive measure, my wife and I are only allowing our twins (code named Lucy and Ethel) to watch DVD’s until Christmas has passed. That will allow us to shelter them from any Elmo commercials that may appear. I even floated the idea of keeping them out of preschool until after Christmas to avoid peer pressure, but the idea wasn’t too popular (with both my family and the girls’ school for some reason). The last thing I want is to be running around in a panic late on Christmas Eve with 300 bucks and a ’68 VW Bug that I’m willing to trade for an Elmo TMX doll. Especially since they’ll grow tired of it by the time the Christmas Turkey (or lobster, hamburgers or chicken fried steak) is served anyway.

I wouldn’t run out and sacrifice your life to find one though, because I hear there are a few more Elmos in the development pipeline. If all goes well, next summer should see the arrival of ‘Toot Toot Elmo,’ who comes equipped with a whoopee cushion on his underside. The kiddies will have a field day with that one, actually so will most adult males now that I think about it. Later next year will also bring us ‘Two Packs A Day Elmo’ that will lift a cigarette to its mouth and actually puff. Don’t worry; it will be the Clinton-ized version that does not inhale. There are rumors of ‘American Idol Elmo,’ which will sing the same sugar sweet song until its batteries run out or you’ve thrown it against the wall too many times. Lastly, by next Christmas there should be ‘Older Sibling Elmo’ who responds to every command by saying “I told you so!”

The Elmo that didn’t make it beyond the idea board was the one that may have been the most fun. Its name was “Fussy Cussy Elmo.” I’ll let you assume what he says and does when touched. Hint: it contains a few choice expletives.