Friday, October 13, 2006

I Just Cut My Finger Off But The Bases Are Loaded…

I’ll admit that sometimes I peruse many news sites’ “weird news” sections looking for a quickie laugh, or blog idea for that matter. I thought I hit pay dirt today until I gave what I read more thought. It was a news story courtesy of Reuters about a study done by an ER doctor in Maryland. The doctor was able to make the correlation between surges in male admissions to the ER with the ending of football, basketball and baseball games. He believes that many men are putting off needing to go to the emergency room until after the sporting activity they are watching is over. After reading it I only had one thing to say, which was, “and?”

I’m glad he was able to statistically prove what everyone probably already guessed: men don’t like going to the doctor, let alone the ER, and sports are really important to men. I don’t mind saying that in my life I have had to go to the emergency room many times to be treated for an irregular heart beat (and by treated I mean being shocked back into regular heart rhythm but as they say, that’s a blog for another day). I share that point with you only because I have statistically proven the Maryland doctor’s findings every time I have had to go to the ER. I may not wait until the game or race is completely over, but I definitely wait until the outcome of the sporting event in question appears to have been decided. Like most men, I figure that I have to be inconvenienced by spending time at the hospital for some unplanned reason and I might as well go in on my own terms, especially when my team is playing.

Now no one is admitting that this is a smart thing to do. Heck, when was the last time that men being smart and men’s devotion to sports were mentioned in the same sentence? Ok, I just did, by prior to that when was the last time that men being smart and men’s devotion to sports were mentioned in the same sentence? Shoot, I did it again, but before these two times, when was the last time…forget it, you get the point. The answer is probably never.

There is something about sports that calls to us. Maybe it’s the competition or maybe it’s the blondes used to promote beer sales during each commercial break. Ok, it’s probably both. I’m no “Women Are from Mars Men Are from Uranus” type author, but I assume that if the proverbial shoe (or high heel) were on the other foot, women would do the same thing. Or I could be wrong and unlike men, women realize the importance of immediately seeking physician assistance for chest pain or massive bleeding.

Since there is now empirical data showing that men would rather suffer or even put their lives in jeopardy to finish watching sports, will there be PSAs (which men will ignore by the way) to educate men to turn the game off and get to the hospital? I can just see it now:

“Hey guys, this is Mr. October Reggie Jackson with supermodel Heidi Klum here to ask if you just severed a finger. Are you doubled over in pain or experiencing horrible chest discomfort? If so, TURN THE GAME OFF IMMEDIATELY AND PROCEED TO THE CLOSEST HOSPITAL! You can watch the highlights on ESPN when you are all better, unless you don’t TURN THE GAME OFF IMMEDIATELY AND PROCEED TO THE CLOSEST HOSPITAL because this could be life threatening!

If PSAs are created, they should only be aired during sporting events and they’d probably better use the beer commercial blondes (no offense Reggie) to deliver the message. Now if you’ll excuse me, the game is almost over and I haven’t been able to feel my legs since the 2nd inning.

8 comments:

thethinker said...

If the high heel were on the other foot, the situation would probably be a bit different.

Let's just say that if I were in the middle of a big sale (at least 50% off all items) at Neiman Marcus or some other store, you wouldn't be able to get me to the ER no matter what condition I'd be in. And if things don't turn out too well, you still wouldn't be able to pry my cold dead hands off of my new purchases.

Lizza said...

Or it could be that men are just big babies who become unmanned at the thought of needles and who will put off going to the doctor until the last possible minute. Unless they know that the doctors at the ER are babe-a-licious.

Odat said...

Men being smart and men't devotion to sports?(there ya go!!) I think it should read "smartass" men's devotion to sports leads to illness, death, etc.
But seriously, the ERs here are the last place I want to go to also. They park you outside and let you wait for about 24 hours, so I guess it's ok to finish watching that game!!!

Lee said...

haha! that was hilarious! you men should just call an ambulance...then you can still watch your games while waiting for it to arrive! another plus to that is if you happen to die, someone is already on their way.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hmmm smart men, isn't than an oxymoron? someone once told me that, not sure though. bless their hearts......

sports? shopping? nope, wouldn't stop me from going, now blogging, i may not get there for awhile! or at all. i can still type with nine digits....

mornin' michael! bee

Meloncutter said...

I think you should consider the following. You need to start a national campaign to make sure that each ambulance and hospital emergency room is equipped with a television in order to keep tabs on the game while at the hospital.

You could even get the hospitals to model their waiting rooms after a popular sports bar. This would make the wait for emergency assistance more relaxing for the patient. Of course, no alcohol could be served but You could invest in several Flatulatte franchises to be placed in the hospital waiting rooms in your area.

Later Yall....

Meloncutter said...

as an after thought, my favorite bar is topless...... hmmmmm... just might be the thing to get guys to the hospital quicker....

Later Yall....

ian said...

Fortunately they have now invented Tivo, so you can pause your game while you go get your finger stitched back on and not miss anything.

Although, who in their right mind would pause a baseball game? Does it need to be ANY slower?

Ian