Thursday, October 19, 2006

It Seemed Like A Great Idea At The Time…

According to Reuters, a company in California (where else would it be) that cloned family pets has closed its doors. The company’s name (and I swear on everything holy that I am not making this up) was named Genetic Savings and Clone. No, really. The Reuters story said that the company had only cloned two cats while in business and charged $50,000 to do so.

This is just a thought here, but if you were paying that much money to clone a pet because you were either so attached to it…. or…I don’t know…CRAZY, wouldn’t you feel better spending that type of dough on a firm with a little more scientific sounding name? I’m thinking of a name like Clone Technologies, Inc. or Genetic Reproductions; something with a little credence to it rather than sounding like something from Saturday Night Live.

That being stated however, assigning a clever name to a pet cloning company would make an ad agency’s creative team salivate. I can imagine names like Double Trouble, Clones-R-Us, You Bring ‘Em, We Clone ‘Em. Well, you get the point. At the end of the day, I guess the name was irrelevant since the company was only given business by two people in their few years of existence. That’s not an overwhelming vote of confidence.

I know that there are a lot of moral, ethical and religious issues with cloning, but if I had $50 grand to throw away, I’d throw it away on myself instead of the family pet. I would also throw out my caution, better judgment and taste so I could clone myself. It seems like something from a bad sitcom (we could call it All of Me and the theme song would be the Sinatra tune by the same name), but when you stop to really think it out, it’s not a bad idea.

It hit me while I was sitting in small claims court this morning representing the large company I work for that there are things we all hate doing, like work. By having ourselves cloned, it would be like taking an early retirement. We can just send our clone to do whatever we don’t want to. Unless I am getting honored or they’re celebrating my birthday, I’d send my clone to work while I go out and enjoy myself. Dinner at the in-laws next week? Yep, clone time. Let’s say you get caught speeding tomorrow. Who would you rather send to traffic school, yourself or your clone?

Have you always wanted to skydive but were too afraid? Send your clone. It’s a win-win situation because if your clone survives and says there’s nothing to it then you are safe to try it yourself. If your clone doesn’t make it or thinks you’d be too scared, at least you’ve got the photos of your clone skydiving that you can use to brag. Think about that obnoxious neighbor down the street who throws the holiday party every winter that you feel you have to attend, even though you can’t stand him. That’s the perfect time to send your clone in place of you, especially if he serves turkey burgers and soy eggnog again this year.

There are some finer details that need to be worked out (like staring your clone in the face without losing your sanity), but I wouldn’t mind having myself cloned. I’m not so sure my wife would agree, so I’ll probably have to put my exact replica up in an apartment across town and provide him with a portion of my income like he’s a ‘kept’ clone. I just hope my wife doesn’t find out. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be if she found out about the apartment and money and accused me of cheating? I’d look pretty pathetic when it’s discovered that I’m not hiding another woman, but my exact clone. Although, if it means retirement at the age of 32, I’d say it’s well worth the risk.

14 comments:

thethinker said...

You've been tagged!

Odat said...

wow, you could start another blog too....lol....or your clone could even do that tag up there...ah the possiblities!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

send in the clones............

bee

mist1 said...

My clone would be too much to manage. Plus, she'd always want to borrow my shoes.

ian said...

I would totally clone myself. That would be friggin sweet.

Ian

Awesome Mom said...

Well the thing with cloning is that the clone would come to you as a little baby. You would then have to do all the crap work and raise the thing. No, thanks!

If they could speed up the aging process then I would totally go for it. It would be nice to have my clone watch the kids while I took a nap.

Ra Ra Ra Bunggio said...

If I had a clone, he would think like me... well if I was my clone, I wouldn't like me very much. Mostly because I would make him my slave. Out of all that I think I could end up with a Pay Per View boxing special... Clone vs. Me.

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ShadowFalcon said...

Even if they cloned the pet it still wouldn't be the same, we and our pets are more the just genetics...

Lizza said...

Some business names are awesome!

If you get yourself cloned, you'd give a wholesome meaning to the phrase "playing with yourself."

Dr. A said...

I can't even stand one of me, but two? No cloning for me.

It would be like bizarro superman, or kind of like an "evil twin" type of thing. Now, that would be interesting.

Lee said...

Did you see the movie "Multiplcity"? Michael Keaton clones himself a coupla times; one clone helps more around the house, the other more masculine one goes to his contruction job so the original can go play golf. The trouble starts when the clones, go get themselves cloned. It's hysterical if you haven't seen it.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Michael,

Help! My blog has disappeared, all but the heading and the most recent post. The comments, all my links, profile, etc. are missing as well as my previous posts.

I don't know how to contact blogger w/o the links in my blog. Can you please tell me what is visible to others?

I think my blog was eaten by alien turds. thanks for your help!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Okay, I think my clone was up to something evil, as usual. For the moment, my blog is back in business.

My mother always said she hoped someday I'd have one Just Like Me - (accompanied by hand on forehead, eyes rolled toward heaven, and much sighing.)

My clone could eat chocolate all day without my gaining weight. She could not only fulfill all my unpleasant social obligations, as you suggest, she would probably be smarter, too. After all, she'd be raised by ME, not people who didn't understand her. The possibilities are endless.

I've always heard that two heads are better than one,