Tuesday, July 10, 2007

You Want Me To Eat What????

I like television and I like food, put the two together and life gets very good. I mean eating while watching TV, but eating while watching TV that is about eating is the equivalent of winning the lottery. So, I was as giddy as a twelve-year-old schoolgirl when one of the funniest bloggers out there, AndreAnna, suggested a new show on the Travel Channel called Bizarre Foods With Some Big Bald Guy Whose Name I Can’t Recall Right Now, But I Think It Might Be Andrew. It’s a hard show to stomach and after watching a few episodes, I now realize that she was getting back at me for threatening to take her husband Crab Fishing with me so we could pretend we were as cool as the guys on another Travel Channel show, The Deadliest Catch. Yup, message delivered and received AndreAnna!!

As I was watching this program, I realized I had stumbled upon the perfect dietary tool. When I saw the ads for the show, I just assumed that the host would be eating different types of foods from all around the world that we might think are bizarre. I did not however realize that he would be eating things that a human has no right consuming, at least not knowingly! Let’s put it this way, the first portion of the first episode was about Iguanas. Well, not about them per se, but about hunting and eating them. Yes, in Trinidad and Tobago there is an actual Iguana hunting season. Apparently, Iguana hunting consists of shaking them out of trees (because as the show informed us, they can survive falls up to 50 feet – I bet that tidbit helps you win at Trivial Pursuit!) and then them running away. This step is followed by shooting them out of the next tree they climb into. Iguana hunting, really? Doesn’t seem that challenging….

But that’s just getting the Iguana. The next step is to burn it’s head (over a man’s kitchen stove’s burner mind you). When the skin on the head burns, it makes it easier to pull it back and skin part of the Iguana. Are you hungry yet? Then the Iguana is chopped up, though still very recognizable unfortunately, and mixed with spices and oils. Then it’s eaten, in all its crunchy reptile-able goodness. I guess it’s one thing to eat a chicken leg knowing it’s a chicken leg, but it’s another thing all together to eat a little green slender chunk knowing it’s an Iguana leg. I will never be able to eat green beans, pickles or cucumbers the same way again.

Now normally the site of a man biting into a chunk of Kingfish that he JUST landed into his fishing boat and removed the hook from (as in it’s still alive), eating a recently removed fish heart or eating pig’s feet would make me bring my last 3 meals back up for a visit. However, after watching that same grown, apparently somewhat educated man eat Iguana that still looked like Iguana tempers all of that. Maybe the producers did that on purpose to desensitize us. I mean after the Iguana thing, I could actually stand watching the preparation of Haggis! Truly folks, Iguana throw up right now. Sorry, I had to do that. Perhaps I am now forever desensitized to disgusting foods that no sane non-starving human should ever have to force down their gullet.

Until last night, I would have classified a lot of other types of foods as bizarre or disgusting. Until last night I would have been grossed out by the scene in ‘Elf’ where Will Farrell puts syrup and chocolate in his spaghetti. I guess all of that and what I consider bizarre food selections pale in comparison now, but I will share them with you nonetheless. I would not be true to myself if I did not list all vegetables excluding tomatoes first. Since Iguana has some meat in it, I might actually consider downing that before taking on a vegetable. Eww, veggies. I mean really! Tops on that list would be celery. It’s a perfect way to ruin a good meal in my book. Oddly, I can eat rhubarb, which texture wise is pretty close, but rhubarb is soaked in strawberry juice, which makes it very palatable and technically more like a fruit. Next would be, uh, wow, you know what, I only dislike vegetables. Gheesh, I really am a human garbage disposal. I guess short of it being a tropical lizard, I’ll eat anything. Well, that and raw fish. Sorry everybody, but eating raw fish is such a waste of yummy deep fried breaded coating.

We’ve all heard the commercial for Life Cereal that says ‘give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything.’ Well, apparently that’s true. I’m not sure that’s the reputation I want to have though. But then again, neither is being Michael the Green Tropical Lizard Eater. While I don’t ever see me eating Iguana, I do realize that if I’m going to get my own Travel Channel Show (which I think I would be really good at, you know in a humble, non-ego sort of way), I’d better start preparing. Maybe I can just work my way up to Iguana slowly. You know, like having a slice of zucchini that isn’t deep-fried. Ewww, did you just feel me shudder in disgust…

36 comments:

TexasPeanut said...

Mike, First the Deadliest Catch is on Discovery not the Travel Channel. Secondly, I'm so glad you told me about that show, I was contemplating watching it, but now I think I will stick to Hell's Kitchen. And finally, I total agree with you about veggies, yuck. And especially celery. What is the point in eating something that burns more calories by eating it, then it has in it.

Natalie said...

I haven't watched the show but I have thought about watching. It sounds pretty crazy. Then again, I just watched that Man vs. Wild dude wear his boxers on his head while drinking buckets of urine so it doesn't sound too bad.

FRIGGA said...

Your post makes me glad I don't have tv access. Oh wait, Michael, didn't you say you would eat my portion of meat for me?

And celery is good for one thing and one thing only: helping women deal with that time of the month - it totally relieves the symptoms. Now I know you (Michael) didn't need to know that, but you have woman readers that might not have known...

AndreAnna said...

Natalie - you should go read my blog today - it's about Man vs. Wild.

And I told you if you both made enough money, I would allow the crab fishing, but we both know you guys would probably go overboard.

And if you think you were grossed out by those episodes, wait till you see the Japan/Thailand one.. I mean, the man drinks sake with a lizard in it, eats a beating frog heart, and eats frog sashimi.

The guy, Andrew Zimmern is his name by the way, is funny and fun to watch, though so I think I'll stick around.

Michael C said...

Texas: I can't believe I got the Deadliest Catch channel wrong!

Natalie: buckets? really? I'll never sip a lemonade again...

Frigga: I will gladly take any meat served to you off your plate. While I didn't need the celery info, I'll file it away just in case ;-)

AndreAnna: I was hoping to go crabbing to make some money ;-)
Boy, now I'm really excited to see the episode I missed! Yes, slight sarcasm is being used. I just wished Andrew didn't lick his chops so much...especially after he at the iguana ;-)

Erica AP said...

I just started eating raw fish sushi, and it's so good!!! I was scared for quite sometime but it's just so god damn popular out here that I braved it and came out a winner... Or an eater... Or something...

Michael C said...

Erica: I have tried it with the work gang, but I just feel so dirty eating fish that isn't fried ;-)

Patti said...

My grandfather used to love to eat head cheese, which we all know isn't really cheese.

FRIGGA said...

I'm almost scared to ask... but I will anyway and then cover my eyes - What is head cheese?

Odat said...

No way,no how could I or would I watch that program...I could hardly read this post!!!
(I really skipped a few lines, as if I were watching it with my hands over my eyes!)
Peace

Patti said...

just looked it up on good ol' Wikipedia...it's a terrine of meat from the head of a calf or pig

I'll stop now

Patti said...

jellied, chilled, sliced like cold cuts

OK I'm done

CS said...

I've seen a bot of that show, and I have a hard time staying in the room when he pops a grub or the likeinto his mouth.

But do you seriously not like ANY veggies? Other than brussel sprouts and the various bitter greens, there isn't a vegetable I know of that I don't like.

FRIGGA said...

OMG Why did I have to be so curious!?!?!?!? There was even a picture and very descriptive words! Ummm, if I had to choose I'd say pass the Iguana my way! :0

Mother Hoodwink said...

Really, celery? Even with peanut butter? What about carrots? With lots of dip. Vegetables are so yummy.

I agree though that you get desensitized to it all. I barely flinched when I saw him eating the beating frog heart. It was actually kind of cool.

FRIGGA said...

Umm, eww to the comment above!

I came back over to let you know I nominated you for an award (although I'd be pretty shocked if you haven't already won this one!)

Ralph said...

Sure, the Iguana can survive the 50 ft fall, but will you when the Iguana impacts you at the 6 ft elevation?

Let's not diss celery...It enhances soups. stews and the pasta salad I made on Sunday.

Remember the lizard in that Matthew Broderick movie 'The Freshman'?

What about the patented 'Stomp and Strip' method when preparing squirrel (or vole, chipmunk, or any of the "Other White Meat")

Michael C said...

Patti: It isn't. Now I'm getting scared!

Frigga: Do we really want to know??

Patti: Ewwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

CS: Do the onions in onion rings count? Ok, I like Corn...and Corndogs ;-)

Frigga: You are far braver than I am!!

Mother Hoodwink: Especially celery ;-) Yummy, beating hearts...excuse me for a moment, I think I'm turning green.

Frigga: Thanks soooo much!!

Ralph: Celery never. Stomp and strip method? Really? I thought that was an old dance move ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Dude, you are food focused!

I've been withholding Polish food because it might kill ya...!

Michael C said...

Heart: Uh, yes I am. You can't withhold good food! That's just cruel ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Yes, but it might kill ya! Bring a completely new level to the expression "last meal", doesn't it?


But it's oh, soooooo good.... :D

Michael C said...

Heart: Just say it, it contains meat, doesn't it???

Heart Of Darkness said...

Meat, about one ton of vegetables and a large portion of lard! LOL

Polish dinner:
* soup (the thick kind, no skinny-ass water-soup here, believe me!)
* main course - meat, potatoes and about five to seven different salads and items commonly found in the raw-food section of life
* dessert - pudding! Poles love their puddings. And cakes - with three or more layers... and trust me, once you had Polish cake, you'll never go back! LOL

Michael C said...

Heart: Ok, knock it off. I just gained 8 pounds thinking of it...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Told ya...


Oh, don't miss out on Lech!!!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

...and Zywiec!

Michael C said...

Heart: Seriously, my stomach is growling, but is sounds different. Maybe it's growling in Polish??

Heart Of Darkness said...

Is there a lot of consonants in the growling, preferably three or four in a row? Then it's definitively Polish! LOL

Michael C said...

Heart: Yeah, that about describes it.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Oh, and BTW. Lech and Zywiec are beer... really, really good beer...

kat said...

Yeah I skimmed over this one... I couldn't really read it in it's entirety. After burning iguana heads you lost me.

:(

Jay said...

Well, I'll be. You learn something new every day. Almost makes me want to get out there and start shaking trees.

Jenny! said...

I really want to watch that show, but haven't been inspired enough to actually watch it. Oh, god though that scene in Elf wiht the syrup and pasta...fucking gross! I am a bit picky with my food,especially when it comes ot meat...iguana would probably taste good!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Congrats. You have succeeded in making me feel nauseus.

Terri said...

Hey Michael; saw this today and thought of you! You're not THAT guy at work are you????

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=496226&cache=1

CS said...

Actually, yes, the onions count. (Health benefits likely negated by the fried stuff, but man, they're good!). Corn, yes. But corndogs? not so much.