Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Q And A Tuesday - Number 2

Much to my surprise, I actually got questions to warrant a second straight Q & A Tuesday. The questions this week are just as impressive as last weeks, too. Again, please remember that all the same rules apply. It is strongly cautioned that none of my answers should be quoted (especially in a work or family/friends setting), it’s a waste of time to fact check or cross reference any of my answers since they are mostly fabricated and I cannot be held liable for anything I may suggest doing, if in fact you actually end of trying it yourself. I should mention that I am still waiting for someone to ask me what the greatest country song of all time is so I can provide you with my 500 word dissertation, but we’ll do that another time. OK folks, take off your thinking caps, put your pen and paper down and get comfy because this will be a really long post (and please excuse the errors and typos, I was too lazzzzy to spell and grammur chick today -- see what mean??). Now, here we go with Q & A Tuesday, week 2…

Kat just missed getting these questions in last week so I’ve had all week to work on them, even though I really didn’t need that much time, for they are SNL questions. Woo Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night Hoo!!!! The wonderful Kat asks:
‘I would love to know the most common quotes you repeat from SNL, your favorite characters, your favorite performers, and your favorite over all season. And you can't say era because that is too vast. I think I actually know these answers. This is more a test for myself to see if I am right.’
I’m honestly not sure I can complete a sentence without quoting from something from SNL. My favorites include ‘schwing,’ ‘isn’t that special,’ Phil Hartman as Sinatra saying ‘I’ve got chuncks of guys like you in my stool,’ and Christopher Walken from the ‘The Continental’ saying ‘cham-pag-nee and ca-wi-are.’ Christopher Walken is a misunderstood comic genius. I have also been known to say ‘two wild and crazy guys,’ ‘Jane, you ignorant slut,’ ‘Da Bears,’ ‘I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me,’ ‘I’m 50, 5-0, Fifty,’ ‘Nevermind,’ ‘I’m livin’ in a van down by the river,’ ‘we’re here to pump (clap) you up,’ ‘ver klempt,’ ‘go ahead, talk amongst yourselves, I’ll give you a topic.’ Kat, I could keep going on here, but I think you get the point. Oh yeah, you know I can’t order a cheeseburger without saying ‘cheeseburger, cheeseburger’ and I can’t leave someone without saying ‘buh-bye now, buh bye.’ See, I can’t stop. ‘I’m Fred Garvin, male prostitute.’ It’s like an addiction, I swear! ‘Yeah, that’s the ticket.’

My favorite characters are Chris Walken in the Continental, the Ambigously Gay Duo, Wayne and Garth, Linda Richmond, Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker, Sally O’Malley, Father Guido Sarducci, The Sweeney Sisters (Nora Dunn and Jan Hooks), Dana Carvey as President Bush, The Ladies Man, Rosanne Rosannadanna, Dana Carvey as Ross Perot, Emily Litella, Baba Wawa and the Cone Heads. Again, there are more, but I’ll stop before I lose to many readers. I can’t forget the Pathological Liar, Tommy Flanagan.

My favorite performers are Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, Dana Carvey, Kevin Nealon, Jan Hoolks, Gilda Radner, John Belushi, Davis Spade, Rob Schneider, Garret Morris, Al Franken, Jon Lovitz, Phil Hartman (OF COURSE!!), Mike Myers, Will Farrell, Chris Rock, Molly Shannon, Chris Parnell, Chris Farley, Joe Piscopo, Dennis Miller, Adam Sandler and Victoria Jackson. I am of course leaving a separate sentence for the Goddess of Comedy, Tina Fey. I literally get all giddy watching her. Man, why do I keep sharing these things??

Kat, my favorite season, hands down was the 1991-92 season? Why? That is when Wayne’s World hit the theaters and it was my senior year of high school. I think we watched just about every episode that year as a group. That is my favorite season.

Kat then asked:

‘Velcro or lace up?’
I’m a lace up guy, but I did go through a Velcro stage in the early parts of elementary school. Only problem was that whenever I sat with my legs crossed on the floor, I’d get stuck to the carpet. The twins now have Velcro and it takes me ten minutes just to get their shoes apart from each other so I can help put them on. Yes, lace up is easier for me. Plus, the friction that Velcro can cause freaks me out. I just know I’m going to start a fire someday!

AndreAnna, my new word hero, asked this:

‘If you could met one celebrity, who would it be and why? And would you sleep with them?’
Well, the nature of that question almost dictates that I should pick a woman, but I’m still picking a dude. I would pick the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra. I would because he is just so cool, that’s all there is to it. Plus, as you can appreciate AndreAnna, he had a really cool lingo. I would however, NOT sleep with him. Though, I would get his slippers and paper for him. Other celebrities that were in the running include Ed Sullivan, Fred Willard, the fat cop from CHIPS, the guy that played the cop that got shot in the second episode of the 4th season of NYPD Blue, our local Channel 9 weather girl Jackie Something Or Other Who’s Chest Blocks Montana To Virginia When She Turns In Front Of The Weather Map, Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch and Bob Newhart. Charles Nelson Reilly recently died, right? Ok, I’m done.

My soon to be Cardiologist, Just Telling It Like It Is, asked me

‘What kind of food did your mother cook for you when you were a boy and what was her signature dish?’
My mom cooked me gruel. It was a mixture of grits, oatmeal and cream of wheat. I think we called it Groaeat. It was not very good, except the maple flavored one, but not when she put tartar sauce in it. My favorite meal was when she would burn the Groateat and we got to go out back and graze on grass. Those were special nights. Actually, I was tube fed for a while as a young kid and don’t remember that, but everything had to be blended into a yogurt type consistency. Can you imagine fried chicken that way? I’ll long for it when I’m old. Of course I am making all of this up. I have to say that (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) because she’ll slap me upside the head if she ever reads this. Again, I’m kidding, really, I’m kidding…Her signature dish was, uh, whatever TV dinner was on sale that week. Again, I’m kidding! She slaved over the stove for me and my brother and I am soooooo thankful, yada, yada, yada.

My Jedi Master Brandy had a number of questions this week including a ‘revenge question’ for one I asked of her a few weeks back. You’ll probably be able to figure out which one it was…Brandy asked me:
1. What cartoon character do you feel is completely underrated in regards to their comedic timing?
Mr. Magoo is an obvious answer, but I am going to try harder because Brandy put so much thought into her questions, or preguntas if you are bilingual like I am not. I think Rosie from ‘The Jetsons’ gets the nod. Seriously, she was a robot and still managed to have comedic timing. Now that is hard to do!!

2. If you could create a weapon that would destroy rock, paper and scissors all at once, what would it be?
I should say a hammer like device called the Fist Pulverizer, but let’s be honest; I’m going with the Atom Bomb. Not even paper can stand up to that!

3. Betty or Veronica?
It would be Betty without even thinking about it. She’s more humble, nicer and not all rich and stuck up like Veronica, who just KNOWS she’s hot.

4. What are your views on the current global warming crisis? And what steps (if any) are you and your family taking to ensure the ending of baby polar bears drowing?
Brandy, I guess I had this one coming. I think global warming is serious, at least I am told I should. I am on blood thinners, so I usually feel colder than most folks. For that reason alone, I should welcome global warming so that I can be more comfortable wherever I may go, but someone recently told me that is selfish. Therefore, because people are reading this, I shall say global warming is bad, not prudent, bad. Baby polar bears drowning is a very serious epidemic that happens when water levels around the world rise, or at least that is what I read when I Googled it. OK, I was actually lazier than resorting to Google. I am making it up. The drowning polar bears should be rescued and adopted. Lucy and Ethel would love to raise polar bears in our backyard. It would also give me the excuse to build an in-ground swimming pool to house them. When the city’s code enforcement people come out and say I cannot raise polar bears in my neighborhood, I would send my polar bears after them and then get a reputation as the Polar Bear Guy. No one would ever again challenge my right to raise polar bears. When they are able to knock over my back fence or block my view of the TV while laying down, I would donate them to SeaWorld on the condition that I get free passes for 50 people for life. I Brandy, am a friend of the animal kingdom!

5. Best flavor of chip dip?
Hmmmm, does boysenberry jelly mixed with alfredo sauce count? No? That’s what I thought. I am actually partial to hummus (which is really pronounced home-us, not hum-mus…I’m part Lebanonese, betcha didn’t know that…also betcha didn’t care…) I infuriate my elders by using chips to dip in my hummus instead of pita bread. Guacamole, french onion and just plain sour cream are also suitable replacements when out of hummus. As is salsa, 7-layer dip or spaghetti sauce. I’ll just come out and say it…if it has liquid, it can be a chip dip!

I’ve said this before, but Patti is a reporter and again this week, she asked the hard hitting questions. Patti’s questions this week were:

‘Have you noticed, with few exceptions (Capt. Corky, Ralph, Lone Grey and Bobby Griffin come to mind) that more than 90 percent of your readers are of the female persuasion?’
As you can see these are tough questions!
First, I honestly hadn’t noticed the gender make up of my visitors. I’ve think of everyone who visits regularly as individuals in a way, so I never really looked at the big picture. But now, I’m self-conscious about it and will have to figure out how to write more manly stuff. You know, I already write about BBQs, fried food and NASCAR. Hmmm, what next??

Patti also asked

'If Odat is your bestest blogging buddy' who is your second bestest?'
Wow! I think I’m pleading the 5th on this one. That’s really all I can say about that. Really. Wow, uh, yeah. I’m done ;-)

Erica AP stopped by to ask a question this week about one of my favorite subjects (Thanks, Erica!!). I’ll try and keep the answer short. Erica asked:

‘Are your twins identical twins? If so, how often do people stop you, when you go out, to tell you they look alike?’
Lucy and Ethel are identical. The only thing is that they are not identical to each other. They are each identical to someone else’s child, so they do not actually look alike. It’s really awkward when we are with the families who have the children that Lucy and Ethel each look like. Yes, people point and stare and yes, people ask questions, but we’ve just learned to be thick skinned about it. Heck, I still don’t even know how it happened…

Ok, I’m obviously joking, well about one of the twins, I mean they are 3 weeks apart. Again, I am joking. They are 11 minutes apart and are the highest probability of being identical. Because they were premature, we weren’t too concerned about having the further tests done to determine if they were identical, but they are. When they were younger, we’d get stopped every five feet. It would take us twice as long to get anywhere because of all the people that would stop us. Now that they are almost 5, people just look and smile, but hardly anyone stops. I have had to keep myself from yelling ‘hey, twins here, stop and look at them! They are identical, people!!’ Yeah, I guess I miss the attention.

Ralph my fellow Sinatra and BBQ admirer asked:

‘Can you dance as well at Rat packer Sammy Davis Jr.?’
Uh, no Ralph. Not even close. I tried hoofing it like him once and am still trying to figure out how I didn’t break my ankles. That cat can dance!! This cat has vertigo. It kinda makes the hoofing hard. I can do a decent impersonation of him though. By the way, may dad’s father was in the same bar with him before he got into the big accident in the desert where he lost his eye. My family’s claim to fame. Woo Hoo. Perhaps I should open a museum??

Odat, my already discussed bestest blogging buddy, asked these four questions:
a) Are you a cat or dog person?
Dog. However, I’m thinking a pet polar bear might be nice after answering Brandy’s question.

b) Do you like the beach or the mountains?
I prefer swamps. It’s cooler with more shade.

c) Ocean or lake?
I’ve always been more partial to stagnant water. It turns such interesting colors.

d) Coffee or tea?
Coke, but I will have coffee and tea when there is an absence of Coke. Well, that’s after I shake, shiver and sweat a lot.
e) Vanilla or chocolate?
I just saw this neat thing on TV about frozen whale blubber with berries and whipped cream. I think I’d prefer that instead.
Ok Odat, I’m sorry…Dog, beach, ocean, Tea, Vanilla.

In honor of yesterday’s big National Hot Dog Day and National Vanilla Ice Cream Day, Airam posed a most appropriate question. It was:
Do you think that in honour of the two holidays being celebrated, people eat hotdogs and vanilla ice cream together? Would you? How do you think that would taste?
I doubt other people are adventurous enough to try it, but I most certainly would. I think it would taste like bad rotten fish that sat too long in spoiled milk. Unless of course the hot dog bun soaked that part up. Then it might not be so bad because the bun wouldn’t be as dry. Yes, I have everything in my fridge to make Vanilla Dogs. If I don’t post tomorrow, I’ll be in the hospital getting my stomach pumped.

Well, that's it for this week. For those of you who made it to the end of this, thanks!


AndreAnna said...

Good post. I'm too doped up to write anything intelligent or funny. lol

Odat said...

Wow...you really put a lot of work into this!! I'm impressed!!!
And.....I didn't know it was pronounced home-mus...damn...I've been saying it wrong all these years....and as you know, I just love it!!!
Again, thanks for sharing, my friend...this Q&A Tuesday is really rather funny and I look forward to it.....

Patti said...

I must remember not to eat an apple while reading Tuesday Q & A. You had me laughing out loud and almost choking to death while trying to be healthy. Well, maybe that's a slight exaggeraton.

I do hope you were joking about the vertigo. One too many trips into that bounce house..

brandy said...

Well done MC, well done! I almost want to bow to your genius. I do like that you enjoy a good day at te swamp- beach and mountains are both pretty overrated. And I agree, Tina Fey is pretty awesome. I think she might even be my personal Jesus.

mist1 said...

Why am I always late here? I need a few days to catch up.

Michael C said...

AndreAnna: Hope you feel better soon!!

Odat: Thanks! Enjoy your next heaping helping of hummus ;-)

Patti: Yeah, please don't eat crunchy fruit while reading my posts. I don't want to be held accountable...and I'm not making the vertigo part up ;-)

Brandy: Now bowing, we shall bow to Tina together and then Steve Carrel...how's that??

Mist: This may been the one time where fashionably late doesn't work ;-)

FRIGGA said...

Good post! And so I don't forget before next Tuesday:

1. How do you fry coke?

2. How come when I'm really really really tired I can't fall asleep?

Thanks for the enlightenment :P

Jenny! said...

home-us is the shit with fresh squeezed lemon and some olive oil...with homemade pitas!

Michael C said...

Frigga: I look forward to figuring out how to answer these questions.

Jenny!: Yes, that is very good! Now I must go take another lunch to get some...

Patti said...

Sorry that you're not joking about the vertigo.

I also am getting ready for next Tuesday:

1) Assuming Lucy is the older of your twins, and without getting too personal or nosy, my question is:
Does Lucy get to open her birthday presents first?

2) We have learned that vanilla is your favorite flavor of ice cream. But what is your second favorite?

Airam said...

Ha! I love your answer to my question!

Don't forget your TUMS.

Michael C said...

Airam: Thanks for playing along! Yes, TUMS would have been a great idea just for me answering your question ;-)

Just telling it like it is said...

Micheal: Good answer..except at first when you said tarter sauce I really thought you were being serious...(smile) Hey you never know what people will cook for their children...I thought maybe she was like trying to help your taste buds or something...If she was then I was thinking that ahhaahhh she was being clever and tricky...
Coarse I am not sure Frank would be someone I would want to meet or sleep with...I was thinking more along the lines of David Hasslehoff...

Michael C said...

Just Telling: Now my mom always experiments with different food recipes whenever I visit. I should just bring pizza. I don't think I could spend much time with the Hoff without impersonating KITT or pretending I was drowning. It might be funny to be, but I'm pretty sure he'd get annoyed by it.

CS said...

Okay, it took me a moment to get over the fact that I have a decade on you. That's a pretty comprehensive set of questions. I never notice the percentage of female v. male commenters on my own blog, let alone anyone else's. I'll have to look at that. But what I am noticing is that it is extrememly difficult for you to just give a straight answer without getting the smart-ass stuff out of your system first. I like that.

Michael C said...

CS: Decade Schmecade...Yeah, it's no fun giving serious answers!

Patti said...

How about two decade schmecades?

Patti said...

hope you caught my questions this afternoon

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

If your cardiologist puts nearly as much time into his work as you did on this, he's a hearty cardio specialist. does he treat vertigo? My head spins. Hats off to you. You won the Dodgers bet. I concede.

kat said...

I LOVE question day! You're answers were so fun to read. Most epecially the Lucy/Ethel answer. I had a very busy day today and the first thing I did when I came home was come here to celebrate question day. Does that make me a groupie?

I was right about SNL, kindof. I mean you mentioned almost everyone so I couldn't have gotten it wrong. But I was right in thinking that you were a big fan of The Continental skits with Christopher Walken. Between Christopher and Alec guesting on SNL I don't think they'd ever need anyone else.

Michael C said...

Patti: I got your questions and two schmecades is just fine!

Pawlie: I accept your concession my friend.

Kat: There is not much better than The Continental. Now I feel like some ca-wi-ar and cham-pag-nee

Crashdummie said...

wow, that was helluva alot of mikey info to digest..

gimme a moment or two ok..

captain corky said...

One of the rules that I govern my blog by is that I can only have one male reader for every 5 female readers. If I want to hang out with dudes I'll either goto the Y or jail. But You're alright Michael. ;)

brandy said...

You know what I've noticed? That I always need to ask at least 5 questions when everyone else asks one. I've been thinking of this today and have decided I can't do that. I need to know more about you, and if I always have to have at least ONE revenge question, I'm going to need to have 4 more non-revenge questions. So be prepared.

brandy said...

And yes. I love how frightening the 'be prepared' sounded.

Michael C said...

Crash: Take your time...talk amongst yourselves ;-)

Corky: Hey buddy! 5 to 1, huh? Is that how it works?? ;-)

Bran: Yes, you have scared me. Will the cops or any federal agency be involved with you wanting to ask more questions about me? Do I need to get a lawyer? I want to, well, ya know, 'be prepared.' ;-)
Ok, now you can ask away.

katherine. said...

I truly enjoy reading your Tuesday QnA....however...the two food answers turned my stomach

Scottsdale Girl said...

Some of us pay good money to get that "vertigo" feeling.

I'm jes sayin.

Michael C said...

Katherine: Don't worry, they turned mine too ;-)

Scottsdale: hehehehehe

meleah rebeccah said...

Awesome! Loved. This. Post.

Michael C said...

Meleah: I'm glad. Thanks!!!

Lis said...

I prefer swamps. It’s cooler with more shade.

No, you do not. Those bloodthirsty mosquitoes that are practically the size of your head are no fun!