Thursday, July 12, 2007

Now You Can Make A Deposit And A Withdrawal

Pardon the title, but it’ll make plenty of sense in just a minute. I was all ready to write a tall tale about a 7 footer marrying someone half his size, but then I saw an Associated Press headline that included the words Money, Found, In and Toilets. Yep, I had to be quick on my feet and adjust today’s post. I didn’t flush the other post, but money in toilets is too good to well, ‘pass’ up. I feel it is my ‘duty’ (yes, I said duty…Ha!!) to write about this bathroom phenomenon.

The AP has reported that money is showing up in envelopes in city toilets all over Japan. The envelopes contain what equates to $82 with a note instructing the finder to basically use it on themselves. This has been going on for the last few weeks and the story says that the total is now around $16,400 that has been found. I’ll just go ahead and say it: ‘I’ve heard of flushing money away, but this is ridiculous!’ Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Tip your waitresses, please…

Can you just imagine hurrying into the bathroom because you need to use it and then you see an envelope there? Do you reach in and grab it? Do you look around first? Do you ignore it and do your thing? Hmmmmm, if only you knew it contained money. Couldn’t the people responsible for this incredibly nice goodwill gesture find somewhere different to help the world than one bodily reliever at a time? I don’t know, a phone booth or bus stop perhaps. Just a thought.

All of this bathroom benevolence makes me need to use the restroom. OK, it doesn’t really, but what it does do is make we want to start doing incredibly nice gestures anonymously. The only problem is that I don’t have a lot of spare cash on hand right now to go around making people’s lives better. However, what I do have is plenty of office supplies. Well, let me rephrase that. I have ACCESS to lots of free office supplies. I think that might work pretty well.

I will be able to improve the lives of unsuspecting citizens one paperclip or post-it note at a time. Just imagine how much easier my gifts of kindness will make other people’s lives. They will be able to attach multiple sheets of paper together, leave reminders on brightly colored little sticky squares and maybe even write things down with all of the pens I have absconded, uh I mean taken for donation. I’ll be like the Robin Hood of Office Supplies. Forget Sherwood Forest, I’ll have Staples or Office Max or Office Depot! Do you need a little pick me up? Has your debt overtaken your life? Don’t worry; a box of staples will help you out! Can’t put food on your table tonight? I’ll be anonymously leaving a full bottle of non-dairy coffee creamer next to the postal box on Central Avenue later today. Although I just announced that, which now makes the anonymous part kinda of hard to pull of….

Maybe some day I’ll be able to work up to monetary gifts of kindness. But I’ll need a little help. That’s why I am starting to raise money for my new charity, ‘Give Me Your Dollars So I Can Give Them To Someone Else.’ There is a lot of work that goes into starting a successful non-profit. Well, I can’t guarantee I won’t turn a profit, so I’m more comfortable using the word charity. There is still a lot of work to do, but I have gotten most of the ‘Give Me Your Dollars’ part of the ‘Give Me Your Dollars So I Can Give Them To Someone Else’ racket, I mean charity, figured out. Even though I can’t distribute the money yet, I can receive it, so it’s time for a good ole fashioned telethon to raise money for my pleasure boat (to be named Cubicle’s Revenge), I mean donation, to random people strewn about the southland region. I’ve already sent invites to all of my favorite B and C list celebrities, so I’m hopeful that they can help me make a lot of money. I mean I hope they can help me raise a lot of money for donation to other people.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m a few bucks short for lunch, so I need to go check all of the toilets for money before we go eat…

22 comments:

Patti said...

Getting paid to pee is a wondrous thing.

As for lunch, brown bagging does wonders for your wallet.
;-)

Natalie said...

So the money was IN the toilet. Are they talking all wet int he water in the toilet or stuck under the lid in the toilet. How many people do you think peed on the money before someone else took it? That is just too creepy.

Odat said...

Sounds like a lot of poop to me!
Peace

notfearingchange said...

maybe their photos are being taken secretly while they are doing their business...and the money is payment?

Ok i've just admitted my weirdness...
*sigh*

Ralph said...

Free office supplies, such as post its...instead of money, cash, filthy lucre? Actually, money attached found in a toilet is filthy! If you are going to look for lunch money in the crapper, at least wash your hands befor you eat, okay? I thought that any charity you establish was to have its funds administered by Lucy and Ethel...

mist1 said...

Dammit. Now I wish that I hadn't had that new flushing part installed in my toilet. Perhaps it will work too well.

Michael C said...

Patti: But brown bagging means we don't get to leave the office ;-)

Natalie: These are all deep, insightful questions I cannot stomach thinking about ;-)

Odat: Ha! A whole load of it!!

Not Fearing: That's not weird at all! You know we were all thinking it.

Ralph: I haven't stopped washing my hands!

Mist: Welcome back! Uninstall it, dry it out, and return it.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha


oh, did I mention: HA


I've found strange things in toilets, but never money... the again, I try to starin from public restrooms, and it just doesn't seem to want to pop up a load of cash in my WC at home...

Michael C said...

Heart: I hope NOTHING pops up in my toilet ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Yeah, I prefer things going down too... LOL

Michael C said...

Heart: I'll never walk into a public restroom the same way again ;-)

Violet said...

Following on from Natalie's comments, you'd want to be pretty generous with the hand sanitizer after you've picked up the money eh?

Heart Of Darkness said...

Well, people have had snakes coming up the loo at their houses, so... :)

phishez_rule said...

So its kinda like an easter egg hunt, but not.

Don't underestimate the importance of surprise post its. You could really change someone's life for the better.

Michael C said...

Violet: Yes, more than generous!

Heart: I am going to have a nervous breakdown the next time I enter a...'loo' ;-)

Phishez: I'm glad you understand the importance of post-its!!!! ;-)

The Rock Chick said...

I like the idea of brighteing up someone's day by letting them find some money, I guess, but I wonder why toilets? In one way, I guess everyone does "go" there (hopefully so, anyway) but eeeewwwwww....

I like this story! Funny, yet terribly creepy at the same time!

Jessica

AndreAnna said...

This story is one for the crapper! Hardy, har.

Michael C said...

Rock Chick: I guess the bathroom crowd is kind of a captive audience, huh? ;-)

AndreAnna: Ha! And that's no BS!!

Mother Hoodwink said...

When we were evacuating for Hurricane Katrina, we had to get across the bridge that costs a dollar. I offered to pay for the twenty people behind me. I felt so good about myself. Of course there were no people taking money because they had to evacuate too. Even though I knew that, I didn't let it take away from my good deed. So I say go ahead with your "charity."

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Wow, I wish I knew that person that was giving away that money. Seems like a pretty cool guy (or gal).

See, I think if I were to do something like that (though, I'm thinking more along the lines of $5) I'd put it in an envelope with a note directing them to a website where they can share what they did with the found money. Yeah...that could work. :)

kat said...

I would love to make money for going pee-pees!

I saw on the news the other day that some woman left a waitress a $10,000 tip on something like a $30 tab. Can you imagine? The only thing that would've made that day better for her would be if the waitress had been so excited that she had to use the bathroom. Upon which she would find $89 bucks in the crapper.

Now THAT would be a great day!

FRIGGA said...

Wow, and to think I've spend all these years avoiding public restrooms! I coulda been rich by now. :P