Friday, July 20, 2007

This Summarizes What is Wrong With Southern California

Warning: This will border on ranting. Dangit, $%$$#^%$$$&$...I’m almost annoyed enough to ask my ‘Hero of Descriptive And Combined Four Letter Words’ AndreAnna to create one for the occasion. Seriously, calling this situation ‘craptastic’ just isn’t enough!!

As I native Californian, I guess it gives me the freedom to criticize the Golden State. I was reminded of this freedom when driving around for work yesterday. Now it’s not really unusual for there to be traffic on all of our highways. However, the reason for the backups is what sometimes gets to me.

I realize that the picture may make it a little difficult to understand what is going on, so I’ll explain it to you. Under the tent, with our lovely state and US flags displayed, was an ‘opening’ ceremony for a new overpass and freeway onramp. Seriously, they just finished building it, it was open for traffic last night and they had this ceremony yesterday just because it was opening. A bunch of dignitaries under a tent thanking people and making important speeches because of this new onramp that had to be built because local cities had too much expansion. I can understand a dedication ceremony for things like the loss of someone, the completion of a new hospital wing, a new battleship, or the site where the first corndog was made, but a freeway onramp? This is Southern California where I bet within three days the beautiful onramp will be littered with trash, spray-painted with gang symbols and at least two abandoned cars will be parked on it.

Now I watched this thing being built from day one and I know a lot went into it, but again, it’s a FREEWAY ONRAMP. It’s NOT a bridge joining two previously unconnected land masses, it’s NOT a new park with free vending machines and tax payer supported bounce houses, it’s NOT the Museum Of Funny Crotch Hits Caught On Home Video, it’s NOT the Experimental Foods Wing of The Fried Food Hall OF Fame and it is most certainly NOT the groundbreaking for the site of a new Cheese Factory. It’s a FREEWAY ONRAMP!!!

And here’s the other part that illustrates what is wrong with us. Even though the freeway was in NO WAY included, touched or involved, this tent up there on the overpass caused traffic to be backed up for 3 miles in both directions. Why? So we could look at the tent, shrug our shoulders, say ‘Huh, wonder what that was?’, and then accelerate back up to 85 miles per hour as though nothing had happened. I don’t mind so much that all the unnecessary traffic caused me to be late to my client, but that it caused me to then have to leave my client later than I had anticipated, which caused me to be late getting home.

We’re getting ready to install a new cubicle here at work. I wonder if there will be a dedication ceremony extolling the virtues of the building maintenance guy that assembled it. Do you think the office manager will make a speech detailing what an important addition this cubicle is or how it will forever change the direction of this company? I bet there will be photo ops, a reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance and Miss Teen Southern California cracking a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling cider across the cubicle’s entrance.

OK, I’m done ranting. I need to wrap this up and leave now. I’m really hoping to be one of the first people on the new onramp. Yeah, I’m hypocrite, what can I say?

18 comments:

Scottsdale Girl said...

We have dedication parties every time a new part of a freeway opens (incredibly stoopid foresight on our founding father's part) anyway they let people come and WALK on the freeway before it open. It's eleventy million degrees out there. No thanks.

AndreAnna said...

Yay, I'm a curseword hero! Woot! And I would have used the phrase "The traffic sucked big, hairy mooseballs and I was so irate I wanted to drive to the nearest SPCA and punch a puppy" But then you'd get all sorts f weird google hits like I did.

I live in Jersey where traffic sucks said testes, but never have i heard of dedicating an on-ramp. I think if people found out the traffic was caused by that, they would pop a cap in someone's ass, yo.

Michael C said...

Scottsdale: Now, if they let people walk as the same time they let them drive, THAT would be worth seeing ;-)

AndreAnna: I am so enjoying learning new words from you!!! I was ready to bust a cap...I ended up popping a vein though. ;-)

Patti said...

what's next, a new off ramp? I wonder how you got that photo without getting yourself seriously injured.

Michael C said...

Patti: That's there too. Since everyone in front of me had slowed or stopped to watch, I had PLENTY of time for pics, unfortunately.

Texaspeanut said...

Wow, and they say the South is slow. At least we don't have dedication ceromenies for ONRAMPS, Just when they finished the High-5 exchange, but that connected 4 different freeways together.

Michael C said...

Texas: So, a connector is worth a ceremony? Yeah, I can see that ;-)

Odat said...

this would be justifiable homicide in NYC! Wow...i've never heard you rant like that!!! ;-)
Well, try to have a nice weekend despite the fact that you er, have to work...so sorry :-(
Peace

Ralph said...

In CT, the highways are crowded, highways that should have been built were not, and necessary ramps will never happen. However, it is nice to know that in So Cal that Caltrans is promoting their great works...a new on-ramp can only add more traffic to the already choked freeways. Hey, aren't those who tag highway walls with gang colors 'Artists' in our PC culture??

Diesel said...

They should have a party for the one millionth person to use the onramp. You'd just be turning the corner, about to merge onto the freeway, when a whole bunch of people would jump out of the bushes with signs and banners and balloons.

And then you'd have a heart attack and plow through them.

Lis said...

A dedication ceremony for an overpass and onramp? Man, you guys are bigger freaks than I thought.

Michael C said...

Odat: Hmmm, Saturday in my cubicle? The ranting my get worse ;-)

Ralph: Actually, I think they call them taggers...or maybe Urban Grafitti Specialists.

Diesel: That is a great idea. THe one millionth should occur in September ;-)

Lis: Instead of being offended, I am going to agree with you!! ;-)

meleah rebeccah said...

Ha ha ha .... all highways are so f-ed up! I cant stand it! (Great post!)

Onramp gets a ceremony... whats next? Road kill parades?

kat said...

I'm not going to mention your double standard here, Mr. Eat A Bruised Banana Day or Mr. International Official Flip Flop Sandal Day phony holiday person. I'm not going to talk about how your regularly make up ridiculous holidays to celebrate. I'm just going to say that the Experimental Foods Wing of The Fried Food Hall Of Fame opening day ceremony is a BRILLIANT idea.

Michael C said...

Meleah: I don't know about road kill parades, but I could see jack-knifed big rig festivals. Thanks for stopping by!

Kat: Wow, you really got me there, great point. ;-) I thought you might like the Fried Food Hall of Fame. Seriously KAt, IS there a Official Flip Flop Sandal Day? I'd hate to miss it ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Politicians! Ba-humburg!

I bet it sounded like a very good idea at the city council meeting... ;)

FRIGGA said...

"Experimental Foods Wing of The Fried Food Hall OF Fame"

I must find this place and visit... okay, first a fire extinguisher would be in order, but seriously, does this place exist? (please say yes, please say yes)

:P

Tammie Jean said...

A dedication ceremony for a new cubicle... you are too funny, Michael C!