Saturday, July 07, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 7/7/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 7/1/07-7/7/07.

! I learned that when taking my own blood pressure and it shows 200 over 150, that I probably did something wrong. I retried it and guess what, I did do something wrong.

! I learned that I need to pay more attention and NOT watch auto racing while ironing. Too bad it took a partially melted remote control and a few burned fingers to learn this. In short, this lesson could be called ‘don’t put things other than clothes on the ironing board and never reach for an iron without looking where you are putting your hand.’ Although in my defense, it was a race at Daytona I was watching.

! I learned that when the family is away, I am incapable of providing food for myself if it is not able to be prepared on the grill. Slightly related side note: BBQ’d frozen waffles don’t taste as good I as had imagined they would.

! I learned that my coworkers don’t enjoy me rocking out to The Temptations’ ‘Ball of Confusion’ and ‘Psychedelic Shack’ nearly as much as I do.

! I learned that when I hear my electric ice cream maker jam, that I should get up and tend to it right away instead of continuing my blogging while under the assumption that the ice cream maker will somehow magically unjam itself. According to my spellchecker, I also just learned that unjam is not a real word, as is the case with many words I try to use, like ‘stupendify’ and ‘unintelligistic.’ Did I mention that I used to make a living as a copywriter? Maybe I could go write for the President…

! I learned that Kingsford puts a warning label on their bottles of charcoal lighter fluid for a real bona fide reason. I also forgot how much fun it is to squirt highly flammable lighter fluid on an already burning pile of charcoal. But then sadly, I learned that you can burn a t-shirt by doing this. But the joke is on everyone else because I also learned how to throw that shirt away before anyone starts asking questions. Man, I love the 4th of July!

And lastly,

! I learned that when I didn’t get a good night’s sleep and I am feeling groggy, the last place I should try and relax the following day is Lucy and Ethel’s little swimming pool in the middle of the day. Although I ended up having a very peaceful nap, I can tell you that our Sun is a very vengeful Sun.


Patti said...

Your domestic abilities are mind boggling.
Please be careful with electricity, fire and the sun's brutal rays.

Your safest bet would be to stay inside and not cook or iron or make ice cream until there is another adult around.

Tammie Jean said...

My husband is incapable of providing food for himself too. If I'm not around, he will get by on a slice of cheese and a handful of chips.

Great list! You really do learn a lot each week, dontcha?

Just telling it like it is said...

Awe...Micheal don't they have like frozen dinners you can BBQ?

Ralph said...

For the Temps, why not try 'I Can't Get Next To You'. As for the waffles, defrost them first...or grill to perfection a nicely aged tenderloin and place on the grilled waffle. You sure act like the perfect Grillmeister with the fluid. How many Diamond kitchen matches must one waste trying to start a fire? If you don't suceed at first in lighting the coals, do not hesitate to drown the coals with more starter and light away! Your pool relaxation technique is perfect for you as the cook: BBQ Ribs

AndreAnna said...

You men and your BBQs. I'm seriously amazed we survived past Neanderthals. It had to have been a woman, because if it were a man who first found fire, there would be no human race.

Odat said...

I didn't learn anything this week!
Is that a good thing?
Have a great weekend!

Michael C said...

Patti: Was that a compliment or concern? ;-)

Tammie: Cheese and chips? That's a great idea!!

Just Telling: I promise I will go to the store and look!

Ralph: That is my favorite Temps song. Charcoal lighter fluid should carry a 'warning: can cause too much fun' label ;-)

AndreAnna: God bless the women!

Odat: Really, you learned nothing at all?? ;-)

FRIGGA said...

I'm starting to feel smarter already - just don't let me near anything flammable for a while ;)

CS said...

These are always so funny I never know where to focus. I'm with you on the joys of flammable liquids, and I recenlty got a grill and began girlling for the first time. My thinking is that the appeal lies in getting to embrace your inner caveman (or, in my case, cavewoman).

kat said...

HAHAHA!!!!! I love that you referred to the sun as "vengeful". You are so ridiculous.