Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I Thought You Said The House With The White Trim…

In life, sometimes all you can say is ‘oops.’ It doesn’t really cover the error you have made, but at least you are not left there standing with your head down, mouth shut looking like an idiot. I personally experienced this today when I misinterpreted a work email and gave way too much information and personal opinion on the wrong subject to another department at my company. Again, ‘oops.’

After reading an AP story this morning, I’m fairly sure that even ‘oops’ does not begin to cover up for this little faux pas. It seems that some Massachusetts firefighters used the wrong house to practice using their axes and such to break into windows, through roofs and walls. I suppose they could have been practicing anger management or scare techniques on bad renters, but I haven’t heard anything official. At any rate, the house down the street that WAS scheduled for demolition sat untouched and the house that was NOT BEING SET FOR DEMOLITION, got all Husseined.

The owners of the house that was wrecked said they were getting ready to renovate. Quick tip to owners of empty houses awaiting renovation or renters: mow your lawns! Apparently having a home with prairie high grass doesn’t give the impression of being lived in. There are plenty of things you CAN do to make your empty house appear occupied and I would be glad to review them with you.

For starters, place a few vehicles up on jack stands on cinder blocks in the middle of your front yard. While not a pleasant site and potentially highly offensive to your one or two neighbors that don’t have cars in their yards, it definitely conveys a sense of occupancy. A toilet or two in the yard is also a good touch. As is a dog on a leash, a half filled kiddy pool with ducks bathing it and an election sign touting Jimmy Carter as your candidate for President. Chickens wandering around are always effective as well. For the NASCAR fans out there, a table made of used race tires (they are surprisingly affordable) and glass on the front porch not only provides a sense of warmth and welcome, but again, shows that the house is lived in and not, I repeat NOT ready for the wrecking ball. I won’t even get into the effectiveness of having a pregnant lady in overalls yelling at her young children out front because they can be a little harder to come by than say, an engine block.

I wonder if homeowner’s insurance covers accidental destruction by local fire departments in a non-fire/non-threatening situation? My guess is that it does not. Maybe the owners can try to sell it as ‘room-addition ready’ or ‘pre-ventilated.’ Surely, those are desirable criteria when shopping for a home. Maybe it can be purchased and sold on e-bay as Uncle Jessie’s farm from The Dukes Of Hazzard. Seriously, if you know what I am talking about here, it would be quite the stretch to term that place ‘palatial.’

I just hope that the firefighters do not face any type of repercussions from this honestly accidental mistake. Can anyone blame them for not coming across the rundown vacant house and thinking this was the practice house? Now, if they had only come up from the other side of the street, they might have seen the house with all of the ‘no trespassing’ and ‘demolition site’ signs on it. I can’t imagine how priceless the looks exchanged must have been when the fire chief got sick of waiting at the house that should have been demolished and he then rolled up to the fireman busting up the wrong house. Yes folks, it might just be better than an accidental baseball bat to the ‘man area’ on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

It does have me a little worried if I ever move to Braintree, Massachusetts though. What if my neighbor has to call the paramedics or fire engine for something trivial like massive head trauma or kitchen fire and they show up to my house with fire hoses blasting because they see the smoke from my BBQ when they turn onto our street? I’m not a litigious-happy person, but yes, I would sue. If I was doing steak, ribs or lobster, I would seek both damages and punitive. I imagine there would be a lot of mental anguish involved, too. Like, oh, I don’t know, a brand new grill’s worth of mental anguish…

36 comments:

TexasPeanut said...

Why are all your suggestions of the "lived in look" Southern White/Trailer Trash things?

Michael C said...

Uhhhh, that's a good question. One track mind today I guess ;-) I probably could have just said 'leave the porch light on,' huh?

TexasPeanut said...

Or I don't know maybe bring in the newspapers. But really a car up on blocks screams White Trash.

Michael C said...

Texas: Yes it does, but I do not discriminate. I welcome cars on the lawn ;-)

Patti said...

Isn't what you described simply a casual lifestyle approach?
Sounds fine to me.

Michael C said...

Patti: yes, very casual I guess ;-)
But leave the porch light on!!

TexasPeanut said...

Yes but also like NASCAR, your as white trash as I am.

Patti said...

I see the light

katherine. said...

I feel sorry for everyone...but I am laughing at the mix up. Sheesh. someone is in deep bandini

Patti said...

Michael this is confusing me.

Michael C said...

Texas: Very good point!

Patti: Is it shining brightly? ;-)

Katherine: It is funny! I had to regain my composure before I could start blogging about it. At least it wasn't a situation where the deep bandini was on fire.

Michael C said...

Patti: What is? No one is as confused as I am...

Airam said...

Maybe they could give the homeowner's the house that was supposed to be demolished and call it even.

Michael C said...

Airam: Brilliant idea. My assumption is that the lawn for that house has already been cut ;-)

AndreAnna said...

As long as they're hot, topless, and a little sweaty, fireman can break into my house any time (preferably with baby is at dayhome and hubby is at work) :x

Michael C said...

AndreAnna: I will call them and let them know. Any discernable markings on the house you want me to tell them about?? ;-)

AndreAnna said...

We have a baby swing in the tree in our front yard next to the baby climber next to the baby pool next to the new Dodge Nitro next to the giant pile of fill dirt my husband still has not moved into the backyard yet. Sigh. I suppose the firemen might not find my house that sexy., huh?

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I have a feeling they didn't have insurance. Yikes.

Ralph said...

We could probably save money and carbon emissions if we would break our windows like the firefighters did, and ventilate our houses like this and turn the A/C off...

Patti said...

Off topic, but in a good way: I gave you an award today.

AndreAnna said...

Why don't I ever get awards? You're a suckerbitch. lol.

Legaleagle said...

This glass on the front porch....should it be broken beer bottle glass, or should I shoot for something classier?

And, as for the brand new grill's worth of punative damages, I think it's doable. I say you shoot for a built in grill with an outdoor kitchen -- might as well get all you can.

notfearingchange said...

Nice....LMAO

Heart Of Darkness said...

Wow, now you've just ruined my every fantasy about sexy AND smart firefighters... LOL

Then again, maybe all the departmetn requires them to be is as strong as an ox --- and nearly as smart as one? ;)

This is why I live in an apartment - a) if they'd wreck it, they'd have to wreck the entire building and b) the super would have to clean up while the owner paid... so see, either way, I'm pretty much game! LOL

Michael C said...

AndreAnna: Your house sounds great!! I'm a suckerbitch???? ;-)

Silver: I'm thinking you are right

Ralph: Do you want to try it first and let me know how it goes?? ;-)

Patti: Yay! Thanks!

Legaleagle: go for a porch light and yes, the outdoor kitchen sounds like a good idea!

Notfearing: Thanks!!

Heart: Sorry 'bout the firemen and yes, apartment living has its definite pluses!!

Patti said...

I saw the homeowner of the house that was destroyed on the 10 o'clock news last night. They had just received an insurance check to fix their home after a fire, and he said something about how it's always good to "double check."

Dx said...

Not sure about all those white trash comments - what's wrong with engine blocks? Must go check my home insurance to see what is and what isn't covered.

Crashdummie said...

I oftej have my homer simpson moments when I slap my forehead going "D'oh!"...

... like seeing I'm not added to your reading link. I though we were crashedbuddies

D'OH!

;)

AndreAnna said...

Yes, I love the word suckerbitch. Eat it, suckerbitch. lol.

Natalie said...

I would sue the pants off those firefighters. What a bunch of dolts.

Leiselb said...

Here's my question: why do they need to practice breaking windows and sledgehammering houses anyway? Does it really require that much "technique" to bust in some windows?

Hilarious post.

Scottsdale Girl said...

I would suggest leaving all your power tools out under the carport as well.

Hey! I didn't make a "sexual innuendo type" comment finally!

Oh wait, power tools... hm

FRIGGA said...

I hadn't heard about that - now it's just too funny!

Imagine if someone had been in, home invasion by firefighters - oh wait, that's kinda sexy.

Um, what were we talking about? And how do I sign up to get the firefighters to come to my house? :-0

Odat said...

Not funny...but you make it seem that way....poor home owners!!
Peace

Lis said...

That's quite the f up. Man, this sucks for everyone involved.

kat said...

I heard about this on the radio. What the HELL?

This is the reason that if I ever have to have a body part operated on or removed and I have two of the same kind of part, I am going to write "NOT THIS ONE" on the part that is in perfect working condition.