Monday, July 30, 2007

This Idea Smells Like…

I came across an AP story this morning about yet another aspect of the 2008 Olympic Games in China. Simply put, an organization in China is preparing to make Olympic souvenirs like little Olympic trophies depicting Pandas in the various Olympic Sports. Ok, that’s a cute idea, but the souvenirs will be made out of…PANDA DUNG. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, come again? Yep, Panda DUNG! Yesiree, not only would you be lucky enough to attend the Olympic Games in China, but you could take home some lovely molded Panda ‘Passings’ to remember the event. I am actually booking my flight right now! Thanks Expedia!!!!

The story says that the souvenirs would mostly be made out of things like undigested bamboo found in the Panda dung and that it would be sterilized. Apparently Pandas don’t digest bamboo very well (I guess it’s kind of their version of ‘in corn/out corn’). I’m sure there is some eco-friendly benefit from doing this, but what it all comes down to is that you would be buying Panda feces made pretty. I realize that Pandas are cute and rare and endangered, but it doesn’t meant that their dung is too. Isn’t the white Rhino or some other animal like that endangered as well? Have you seen what comes out of an animal like a Rhino? What’s next cute little pie and cake sculptures made out of cow pies? Will their soon be hair care products on the market made of camel spit? This all sounds like a really, uh, crappy idea.

How do you put something like that on a resume? Obviously you want to dress up the description of any job you have ever had, but how do you describe this one? Are you a ‘Fecal Matter Recycling Expert?’ Do your duties include ‘cleansing of Panda dung for preparation for consumer consumption?’ How about ‘Panda Waste Artist?’ And really, what job does this qualify you for? Do you look at the guys that follow behind horses in parades with buckets and shovels as the internship or training grounds for Panda Waste Artists? Do the Fecal Engineers in training practice honing their skills on Play-Doh or modeling clay or worse yet, pet waste? What does a job like this pay? What are the benefits and are gloves provided at no expense? Is the pay scale related to the relative size of animal’s waste?

You know, I have a fairly large dog. The dog likes to eat and obviously requires cleaning up after. I’m just sayin’…

Let it be known that I would be more than willing to sell Mabel’s byproducts to a company wanting to make little sculptures of the characters on the Office or little NASCAR replicas. I mean, if it’s such a good idea and all. Talk about unlimited supply potential here. I mean have you ever been to a zoo?? Or a dairy?

Since I’m now to the point where I can really do nothing other than make crappy bad jokes, I should stop before I really stink up the joint. Besides, I’m going to start working on a new cologne using the essence of skunk….

*****Here’s a reminder that tomorrow is once again Q & A Tuesday. Get your questions in and I’ll happily fumble around until I have typed enough so that it appears I honestly tried to answer them.*****

23 comments:

Heart Of Darkness said...

Well, Sweden is known for selling elk droppings as earrings etc to tourists (mostly Germans, for some reason) and take great pride in shuffeling some shit out of the country for a profit, too! ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: Ha! Maybe my Office figurines have a future then??

FRIGGA said...

It's a great idea, and if the tourist is gullible enough to buy it, then they deserve to buy crap.
:-0

Texaspeanut said...

While I was in a sovineer shop in Colorado, on my last trip there, I found "Shit Heads". They are little people made from Horse dung.

Ralph said...

What's that old saying? Where does an 800 LB panda poop? Wherever they want. Or the rhetorical question designed to elicit a 'yes': Does a panda poop in the bamboo?

wolf said...

Here in Alaska there is a thriving trade in moose nuggets - most often dipped in shellac. They're sold as earrings, knick knacks, and even (I kid you not) swizzle sticks.
Moral? Some people will buy anything.

AndreAnna said...

There's a whole "green" movement using elephant dung to make paper products. Supposedly a huge deal.

That being said, your puns made me giggle. ;)

Michael C said...

Frigga: I agree completely!

Texas: That is funny. I would give them as stocking stuffers!

Ralph: But if no one is there to see it, did it really go?

Wolf: I fear I have opened a huge can of uh, worms here ;-)

AA: i am now officially done using paper! ;-)

brandy said...

Wow. That's all I'm going to say about this unfortunate Panada idea. Here are my 5 for Tuesday:
1. Favourite superhero?
2. Guilty pleasure? (you can discuss the Marilyn Monroe dress fitting here if you want)
3. Last lie you told?
4. Person who knows you best?
5. Ahh!! You are locked in a room with a box of Q-tips, a mousetrap, a stick of gum and a mirror. Evil villians are standing outside the door in case you try to something funny. How do you escape?

AndreAnna said...

Oh, and when you were writing about Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern, you were right. He is on the travel channel. They run the show on both networks. So, you can stick your tongue out at whomever said you were wrong. :)

Patti said...

Speaking of dung, is that where the word "dungarees" originated?
It just hit me while reading.
That could be a Tuesday Q & A question, I suppose, but I already contributed.

Ralph said...

Q for Tuesday: Is a guy's BBQ manhood determined by the depth of char on the grilled specimens?

Airam said...

Next they're going to say that they'll come up with a dish centred around panda dung. And they'll call it an exotic meal too.

Odat said...

I think that story is full of poop.....let's just hope they can contain the odor....

Question: Why is you dog named Mabel?

Peace

Michael C said...

Bran: You did it again! Great questions...let's keep the Marilyn Monroe thing quiet though... ;-)

AA: I am not a vengeful person...HA, I WAS RIGHT....... ;-)
Forgive me??

Patti: Nope, it ended in a question mark, so I must answer it!!

Ralph: I don't believe I have ever seen the words BBQ and Manhood so closely together.

Airam: Yes, that would qualify as an exotic meal. And by exotic, I mean disgusting ;-)

Odat: Yay, I get to talk about my big overgrown puppy!!! Hey wait, did you just call my story full of poop? Oh crap!! :-)

kat said...

Your blog cheers me up when I'm feeling blue.

That isn't a question. That is a known fact.

Not sure about the whole Panda Medal thing but I am all about their urge to recycle. Perhaps they should stop putting so many soy sauce packets and chopsticks into their delivery bags. I can just ship the ones I have in my junk drawer out to every delivery customer. It would save lots of trees and cause less leakage.

Hope your doctor visit was okay. Thanks for putting a smile on my face today. I needed it.

Meloncutter said...

They had to start the panda poop figurines since they can no longer use panda poop as a filler in the food products they export.

Since all the press attention to the contaminated products we import has hit, at least they are still coming up with less lethal ways of recycling.

Later Y'all.

Patti said...

OK it's 8:30 a.m. here on the East Coast. Waiting impatiently for Tuesday Q & A...yes, I know it's only 5:30 a.m.
<------- over there

Crashdummie said...

sorry to say, but this post stinks. let me rephrase myself, it was BS.. no PS! ;)

CableGirl said...

hey there. got to you through Brandy.

I really think I need a link to that AP article. Seriously? Panda dung trophies?

Tammie Jean said...

Ewwy! That's almost as bad as those purses made out of bull's ball sacks. I'm not even kidding. I saw them in a souvineer shop in Colorado.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

They've got to be kidding.

Lis said...

Ha! I heard that on the radio this morning and was all WTF?!

That panda picture is creepy as hell.