Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Pre Holiday Repost: What’s That Growing In Your Desk?

Since everyone is probably getting ready for the big July 4th celebrations tomorrow, I figured I'd repost. I'm hoping that since the majority of you won't be at your desk tomorrow, you'll be able to stomach this story. And I am so sorry for those that have to be at their desks. Really, I am. I mean it. I've never been more sincere...

I read in an Arizona Daily Star story a week or so ago that our desks at work can actually have more bacteria than our bathrooms at work. Obviously the study didn’t take into account what our customers and clients do to our places of relievement. I’ll spare you those details though. According to the story, Clorox commissioned the report. How convenient, I say.

The study showed that a woman’s desk is more likely to be worse than their male counterparts because of their more frequent interaction with children and the fact that they keep food and makeup at their workstations. Fortunately for us, Female Coworker purchased a case or so of mini Purell hand sanitizer. And of course all the men in the office use it all the time (since you can’t see me, I feel compelled to inform you that I’m winking right now…).

I guess discovering that our desks are breeding grounds for things that would make us gag was inevitable. Although I’m sure it’s not as bad as when all of those investigative reporters decide it’s time to hold a black light up to a motel bed. When you realize that we spend most of our waking moments at our desks, it all makes sense. We come to work with colds and cough and sneeze in the vicinity (which means all over) our work equipment like phones, keyboards, computer mouse, post-it notes, coffee mugs and PEZ dispensers. We shake hands with clients or are handed things to us by our coworkers who may be sicker or dirtier than we are. I suppose it’s possible that we engage in more germ transference than snotty nosed young children do. Obviously we have cleaning crews that come through every night, but I don’t think they are expected to double as HAZMAT officials.

Speaking of dirty things, although it’s a little unrelated, the work gang and I witnessed something interesting at lunch today. We went to one of our favorite little chicken places specializing in chicken burritos, tacos, combo plates and chicken food sculptures. While there, we realized we were sitting across from a food inspector. It was her thermometer that gave her away, well that and the fact that she was sitting by herself filling out a lot of paperwork and not eating. Male coworker #3 observed her in a somewhat heated argument with the proprietors, at which point she walked out to her car quickly to get more paperwork. Here’s a tip: a great way to lose weight is to be eating at a restaurant when the health inspector leaves quickly and visibly upset. Male coworker shouted across the parking lot to her as we were leaving to ask what the restaurant’s score was and she could only give us what we interpreted to be a dirty look and yelled that we could find it on the county website. For some reason, I’ll just let my imagination assume what their score was.

While I feel comfortable in stating that I do not have toxic mold growing in my desk, my top left hand drawer may be a breeding ground for something. If you open it up and move all of the CDs out of the way you will find several varieties of tea and hot chocolate, candy canes that must be 3 years old by my estimation, every flavor of PEZ refills ever made. I could probably run a general store out of that one drawer alone.

There is also a substance in there that vaguely resembles algae. Hey, no wonder I sneeze every time I open that drawer. I wonder how I’m going to clean that out though. Oh yeah, that’s right, I can use Clorox Wipes. Gee, thank you Clorox for sponsoring such a groundbreaking study. Who knew that when you decided to commission research about how dirty our desks are that we’d actually find a need and desire to use wipes to sanitize them.

19 comments:

Patti said...

Isn't Clorox bad for you?
I'd green the clean, Michael. Be health conscious.
And have a sparkling holiday.
;-)

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

You get to have a desk?? With drawers (plural)?! Yikes. BTW, I concede my baseball bet to you, MC.

Heart Of Darkness said...

And in public bathrooms, there's no use for washing your hands, because the majority of the people don't, and therefor leave germs on the doorknob - so you can wash your hands as much as you want to, but the moment you grab the door to leave, you get somebody elses pee and God knows what else all over your hand anyway...

But if we'd be germ-freaks, we'd all look like Michael Jackson, and never leave our houses... :D

Michael C said...

Patti: I'll try to find a gentler chemical ;-) Have a great 4th!

Pawlie: Hey buddy! Well, you've still got Bonds about to enter sports immortality...
;-)

Heart: Actually germ freak doesn't sound so bad now after reading your comment ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

And yet I managed to keep out the fact that 90% of all door knobs of public restsrooms carry sperm... no, not their own! Transferred...

Now, go suck on that! (the fact, not the knob)

Michael C said...

Heart: Ewwww, but thanks for jump starting my diet. I may never eat (or use my hands) again...

Heart Of Darkness said...

I've found soup very useful as a food you don't have to touch... go with that! :D

Michael C said...

Heart: I knew you'd come through with something!!!!!

Odat said...

Have a great fourth!!!
Peace

Heart Of Darkness said...

Can't have you starving yourself...!


Happy 4th of July, BTW! How rude of me not to say that first! :D

Michael C said...

Odat: Thanks, you too!

Heart: I don't think I have the will power to resist food long enough to starve ;-) Thanks for the 4th wishes!!

captain corky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
captain corky said...

This is the second time I've read this story and both times I've been sitting at a desk! Luckily, it's mine, and I do clean it. Sometimes. Have great 4th Michael!

AndreAnna said...

Women are nasty - so many don't wash their hands, so like Heart said, I could wash my hands 50 times and still pick up their germs on t he doorknobs. WHICH IS PRECISELY WHY I open the doors with the paper towel I dried my hands with after washing them for 30 seconds. I am not a germ phobe, but I can at least do my part to help prevent bringing home germs to my baby.

And I HATE when they don't have towels and only have the dryers. Then I have to use my shirt or elbow to open the door.

People are just gross.

Rayne said...

..found you from mist's blog (your comment on mist's flip-flop and the flag at iwo jima made me laugh OUT LOUD) ...your blog is delightful - have a great 4th...

Patti said...

Happy 4th, Michael!
Didn't mean to criticize you about the Clorox...
You are imminently teasable
;-)

Michael C said...

Corky: You have a great 4th too!!!

AndreAnna: I too towel the door handle! I just give the other guys dirty looks when they shake their head when I can't grasp the handle...

Rayne: Welcome! The comment I left at Mist's would have been better if I had made a typo!

Patti: People have told me that about the teasing...I wonder what it is ;-)
Happy 4th to you and Ralph!!

Patti said...

thanks, Michael - enjoy the BBQ
;-)

Jenny! said...

I love to clean...nothing gives me a bigger boner, well there are other things...but seriously cleaning rocks!