Monday, July 09, 2007

Being Held Against My Will Can Be Fun

Until Saturday night, I had never actually been held against my will before. Now granted this was at a friend’s house and we were celebrating their twins’ birthdays, but there was still some post-party detaining that occurred. It’s not often that I get to visit with the friends I grew up with, but when we do, it’s like we haven’t missed a beat. Except for the part where they all told me that they couldn’t believe I had just finally seen Monty Python’s Holy Grail. I should have seen that coming. Oh well. I guess it’s a good sign you are getting older when the only times you find to reunite anymore are for your kids’ birthdays.

And so it was that I found myself with my friends Saturday night. As the night went on, I realized I was going to eventually have to blog about it. Of course I couldn’t keep that fact to myself, so now everyone is looking forward to reading this post-party post. So, hello M, S, D, T, L, D and J. It became clear pretty early on that by attending the birthday celebration I had temporarily waived my rights to make my own decisions. Apparently, my friend and the proud dad of the birthday boys purchased what equated to his own entire cow for the purpose of grilling it for the party. Rumor has it he was allowed to select and stun the bovine himself. I believe the actual slaughtering was done by a third party, but I’m getting that information second hand. If you are playing along at home, I think that makes about five people total who contributed to that story. As we got our plates, we were informed by M that there was a five-pound minimum on meat consumption for each person in attendance. I joked about it, but he was serious. It wasn’t helped by the fact that J ate no meat, thereby requiring many of us to take up her meat ingesting slack.

I was again reminded that I had waved my rights at the front door when it came time for the birthday cake. I don’t care for cake, so politely passed on it. Five minutes later, I could be found with a plate of cake in my hands, courtesy of the Five Pound Minimum Meat Nazi (it’s a friendly term, I swear). It was while eating my cake and a few of our friends had already parted that two of us were asked, no told, that we were not being allowed to leave because that would mean only the host’s family and in-laws would be left. In a way, we had become human shields. We protested but knew that we would be stopped short of the door if we attempted any kind of escape. We relented. I can’t speak for the other detainee, but the opportunity to use the huge pirate themed rented bounce house was enough to lure me away from the front door.

So there we were, two grown men and two grown women that had known each other for almost 20 years in a bounce house. I made a joke to the Five Pound Minimum Meat Nazi as we all stood in the bounce house that I used to think this would be something that would happen to me in a dream sequence. Cue the ensuing awkward silence…I thought it was funny.

I don’t know a lot of things, but I can tell you two facts about bounce houses that I am now completely sure of. The first is that standing, let alone jumping, in a bounce house in 100 degree plus heat is the equivalent of driving thirty miles down the highway in the middle of the desert in the summer with the heater on. It got a little rank. The second thing I now know beyond any doubt is that someone who suffers from inner ear damage and fluid imbalance and is prone to vertigo (like me, for example) should never, ever be in a bounce house with adults who are all trying to jump higher and harder than everyone else. I kept getting bounced (and by bounced I mean tumbling wildly off balance) into the weakest corner of the bounce house. While my inability to remain standing up more the 15 seconds became a little embarrassing, I achieved a long time goal of mine. I was able to make a bounce house collapse. Not just once mind you, but five different times. Sadly, I could not even use the excuse that I was drunk. When we finally all got out, I was just glad that the host is in the medical field as I think I was only one bounce away from needing cardiac resuscitation.

As it got later into the night, my fellow hostage and I realized that hostage-ness has its privileges. Namely, the ability to raid the hosts’ fridge without guilt because we were being used as human shields against family. She wanted cereal, she got cereal. I wanted 7-layer dip, I got 7-layer dip. I could definitely get used to this detainee thing. For me, the most intriguing part of the night had to be when the 4 of us began trying to confirm a rumor about an old friend of ours. At one point, we were all in the same room using three different computers trying to Google the name of this friend. It reminded me of something from an episode of CSI until someone pointed out how horrible we would be because after 45 minutes and three people trying to internet search, we had come up empty.

All in all, it was a great night and I don’t even mind that there was no one around who cared enough to pay my ransom. The best part of the night was about 10 minutes after I got home and my phone rang to inform me that the party hosts had finally found the info on our old friend we had been trying to Google. I’m thinking everyone in the group needs to have more kids so we can all get together more often.

40 comments:

Heart Of Darkness said...

Ya big baby!

Odat said...

I think you both should have a few more sets of twins...this way you can bounce and bounce and bounce til the cows come home! ;-)
Peace

TexasPeanut said...

I hope you recorded the race. You did, didn't you? Oh PLEASE tell me you didn't miss Saturday nights race while being held hostage.

Patti said...

now if only your friends/hostage takers had chimps for pets we would come full circle here, in a blogging sort of way...

Michael C said...

Heart: Pretty much. I'm not the arguing kind, you know ;-)

Odat: That is a very scary thought!

Texas: Of course I did. I just couldn't stay up all night watching it. ;-)

Patti: Yes it would. They probably would have enjoyed the bounce house, too.

Crashdummie said...

Bounce house are fun… well it was when I last tried them, I think I was 5.. ;)

Michael C said...

Crash: So, what are you trying to say? That I act like a 5 year old or something?? ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Good that we've got that one covered! ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: The baby part or the arguing part? Hey! Wait a minute...

phishez_rule said...

We had a bouncing castle at one of our uni open days. For the prospective students (read: adults). One of my mates was on it, got bounced against the wall, fell down laughing and rolled out of the gap where the wall wasn't quite attached to the floor.

Fun times.

Heart Of Darkness said...

:D

Michael C said...

Phishez_Rule: I kept getting stuck where the seams met the sides. Now I know how a fish in a net feels ;-)

Heart: No comment, huh? Well played...

Heart Of Darkness said...

I need not to stress my point here, as the point has already been taken...


(how was that for elitist lady?) ;D

Michael C said...

Heart: How did I not see that coming, it's like you set me up for that about 3 comments ago... ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

I'm a slow learner...

Michael C said...

Heart: No you're not... ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Well, one of us is, and I'm too polite to point a finger... ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: I saw that coming ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

And yet, you didn't duck...!

Amazing!

Michael C said...

Heart: Now that's just mean...

Jenny! said...

Now I want 7-layer dip bad! Why do I alwasy get hungry when I come read your posts??? I would like to be held hostage, but only with some meat and dip!

katherine. said...

I never force cake or other food...but I have been known to keep friends hostage

"you can NOT leave me with them" has come out of my mouth more than once.

Patti said...

Michael, I just awarded you with an award. A richly deserved one, I might add.
Check it out over at my place.
;-)

FRIGGA said...

They stuff you with 5 pounds of meat, then inject you with sugar and toss you into the bounce house? eak! Okay, take away the meat & I'd wanna play too! :P

AndreAnna said...

There are no words to describe the image in my head of you bouncing around.. LOL

Ralph said...

Michael, with your ticker, don't you have a built in polite excuse to leave early? I mean, nobody wants to be the one to have to call 9-1-1 because you overdid it...Unless you use the "I'm not housebroken I have to go" excuse

Mother Hoodwink said...

We have this bounce place around where I live. I've never been but friends of mine have. Apparently it's an air conditioned room with a bouncy floor and padded walls. I think this would suit you better. Those bounce houses can move, man.

Michael C said...

Jenny!: Meat and dip, there's just no way I could consider that a hostage situation. Maybe heaven though...
;-)

Katherine: I guess better to be held by friends than family...

Patti: Thanks, I really like it! And let's be honest, Schmooze is so fun to say ;-)

Frigga: i'll eat your portion of meat. I also will make sure you don't burn anything down. LOL!

AndreAnna: Think sober drunk with an equilibrium deficiency... ;-)

Ralph: The host is a medical professional, so he knows how to resuscitate me. The ONE person I can't use that excuse on. Go figure...

Michael C said...

Mother Hoodwink: Please send me the address. I'd be glad to do some 'research' on the place ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Oy, vey, and you expect me to be nice?

Michael C said...

Heart: Just a little...at least on my blog...how's that? ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

What you ask goes so against my nature, it might be physically impossible... or at least rather uncomfortable...



*sigh*

Fine, but you OWE me!

Michael C said...

Heart: Did you just *sigh* me??
OK, I'll owe you...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Would it have been better if I had said...



NI!


????

Michael C said...

Heart: Well, now I want to go get me shrubbery!!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Get two!

In different levels...

...with a path runing through...


...and a waterfeature!


;)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Glad you had fun being human shields. Next time you should consider charging your friends for the service. Just a deeply capatilistic thought! LoL.

The Rock Chick said...

Who knew a hostage situation could be so much fun? I tried a bounce house once, too. I think you have to be under 10 or something. I just got dizzy and kept falling over.

Saturday night, I couldn't get my NASCAR fan husband away from the TV and we even have a DVR to record things! I was politely informed that I should never mess with Daytona :)

Sounds like you had a good time!!!

Jessica The Rock Chick

Scottsdale Girl said...

This happens all the time to me at the EX In Laws house. They like me more than their own family.
Fortunately, they make sure there is plenty of homemade Mexican food and Bacardi there to keep me entertained.

kat said...

It sounds like you had a really good time. Good friends deserve as much effort as possible when getting together. Hopefully you can think up some excuses to get together more often. Create lists of people to google. Do whatever you have to.