Sunday, July 29, 2007

Repost Sunday: It Just Could Be The Greatest Excuse Ever For Missing Work

I rerun some of my older posts on Sundays as a way to highlight stories that you may have missed. Just think of it as 'thought recycling' and a day off, or that I am incredibly, incredibly lazy. This one is from last December...

Let’s just be upfront, most people work because they have to not because they want to. That being said, there are times when people call into work because they don’t want to go into work that given day. When I saw a story in Reuters about just such a thing, I read it looking for tips (that’s a joke of course, as my great boss has been known to frequent this blog). Boy did I find a tip. It could be one of the best excuses for missing work ever. According to Reuters, a young woman in Germany text messaged her parents that she had been kidnapped and therefore could not report to the fast food restaurant where she was employed. Yes, it is a great excuse but I’ll get back to that in a minute. She wasted such a great excuse because she wanted to avoid paying a coworker the Euros she owed that person.

For her, that’s it. She used it, blew it, and can never pull that excuse out of the ‘calling in sick’ bag ever again. For most people, they call into work and say that they aren’t feeling well, are sick, have a migraine, were temporarily disoriented and drove to the wrong office, just had a great uncle four times removed pass away, their pet or child is ill or their alarm didn’t go off. These excuses are nothing revolutionary, but are just realistic enough to be believed. I remember last year before I had to have open-heart surgery I would feel guilty when I called in sick saying I didn’t feel well, felt weak and was having trouble breathing. I worried that someone wouldn’t believe me, which could result in losing my job and how my attendance record for the year would look. When I ended up needing and having surgery, I knew that my days of calling in would not be an issue when my record then showed that I missed four months to have an artificial heart valve installed.

The genius of using your abduction as a reason for missing work lies in its boldness. It is so bold that if you actually used it, most people wouldn’t question it because it’s such an obviously fabricated excuse that they know you were risking your credibility and job by using it. Therefore, it must be true. It’s truly a brilliant excuse, if you are still following my warped logic. There is only one reason to even try to tell such a bold-faced lie and expect to get away with it. Because it’s true. That’s why I think it was such a waste when this lady used it just to get out of paying money she owed. She admitted to authorities the following day that she had made it all up. Now she’s in pretty big trouble.

If you were abducted, it should fall under some special personnel/human resources clause and be worth a lot more time than just one day. We will first operate under the assumption that your kidnappers held you for more than just one day, since I believe that’s generally what happens. When you finally are released, there must be the need for post-kidnapping counseling, as you could not be expected to be released from your captors and show up ready to do your job the following day. See, we are already over one week of time because of this abduction.

That’s one more reason why I think this could be the greatest missing work excuse ever and I’m not even going to begin exploring the whole getting in on the imaginary ransom racket yet. Well, I hope I’ve made my point. I’m done with this post and now I’ve gotta go make sure all my accomplices, I mean friends, get their stories straight when I turn up missing from the office after the New Year…


**Really Big Disclaimer: I would never try any of what I have just mentioned. While it is extremely clever, it is also illegal (I think, I really don't know but I wanted to sound stern). Now, should I happen to call in sick from work next week, please be advised that it is merely a coincidence.

***Remember to get your questions in because Q & A Tuesday is on, well, Tuesday***

18 comments:

AndreAnna said...

How bout I say you kidnapped me and you say I kidnapped you and we meet halfway in like Chicago and get some deep dish pizza and see a blues show?

Michael C said...

AA: That sounds like a plan...I'm calling in tomorrow ;-)
Can we stop in Texas for some BBQ, too? And then a Weight Watchers office ;-)

Odat said...

I'm getting my ransom note ready right now.
Peace

The Rock Chick said...

There's pizza in Chicago? WHERE? Just kidding, of course, we have the best pizza in the whole world!!

Just letting you know that you are the official winner of the "Sudoku in a Rubik's Cube" from my blogathon raffle! How trendy, yet nostalgic at the same time, right?

Please email me with your mailing address so I can send this to you! Thanks again for all your help with the blogathon yesterday! Totally appreciate it!

Jessica

Airam said...

I'm even more lazy because I just won't blog!!! At least you think to put up a post.

And how on earth did you get that sentence about giving me a dollar under your "leave your comment" box???

Where's my dollar?

Lis said...

Bah. I don't think that excuse will work here. Kidnappings are extremely rare. My boss will probably lol and ask me to get my ass to work ASAP.

Michael C said...

Odat: I knew you'd be all over this ;-)

Rock Chick: I won something really? It was my pleasure just getting to post something!

Airam: All of a sudden I seem to be owing a lot of folks a dollar...hang in there for yours, ok? ;-)

Lis: I'll have a talk with your boss!!

Airam said...

My Tuesday question before I forget:

Is there really a Corona, California? If so do they offer Corona beer in the cities water fountains? Is Corona the beer of choice there? Basically this is a question about beer.

Are you drinking beer right now?

You now owe me 2 dollars! :)

AndreAnna said...

Oh damn you, you reminded me that after a 6-week hiatus, Mike and I have to go back to Weight Watchers on Tuesday. With him being so sick and me with my back, it just hasn't fit into our lives to count our food. We still eat well, but my portion control sucks when I'm not weighing and measuring. Oh geez, I just ranted.

AndreAnna said...

Oh, and here is my question for Tuesday:

What is your favorite type of cheese?
and
Do you always prefer it melted?

Michael C said...

Airam: Great question!!!!!! Hmmmmm, I wonder what the answer will be?? ;-)

AA: Sorry about inspiring a rant...
As far as your question, I now must go eat a cubed dairy product!!

brandy said...

Yes, that IS pretty clever. I once had a male boss who was so easy to get out of work with. I would call and say I had an 'issue', and before I could come up with a better lie, he would tell me to take the day off. I'm not sure when that term became synonymous with "female reproductive issue" but it did and I didn't argue back. It was fantastic.

Michael C said...

Bran: I'll never be able to use that excuse...but I'm not past trying! Perhaps if a say it in a slight whispering way??

Bobby Griffin said...

Hi again Michael,

Just thought I'd stop by and update you on the voting for bestest blog of the year. We've had over 8000 votes cast by over 100 different voters in just under a week. A contest update can be found at the new and improved brand new home of Bestest Blog!!, original details can be found here. With a week to go still, that $50 prize, title, and bragging rights is still up for grabs. Also, be sure to get in the running to be blog of the day again this year by joining the Blankest Blank Blog Directory. Thanks for reading and please stop by and leave a comment at the new Bestest Blog some time!

meleah rebeccah said...

Me likes the way you think! You are very funny...

I can't believe she used "kidnapping" I mean really? A stubbed toe is more sell-able!

Wasn't she concerned with the police yanno? getting involved and a massive search and rescue being issued?

nonetheless quite funny.

Michael C said...

Bobby: Thanks. My wildest dreams would give me a win.

Meleah: Yeah, how do you forget the police aspect of this? She deserves to be caught ;-)

Patti said...

Suggesting one might have some sort of an issue is much more mysterious and, thus, believable.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

With the luck I have...I would call in kidnapped...then it would really happen!

I don't mess with Karma.