Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Working 9 To 5. If I Have To.

Maybe it’s the dawning of summer or it could just be the way my boss looked at me when I left the office (45 minutes early) this evening, but I have found myself thinking about other career paths on occasion lately. I should say that on occasion means when I am awake, or just breathing, really. It’s not that I hate my job, but the walls of my cubicle do feel like they are closing in on me tighter than the trash compactor scene in Star Wars. As a result, I’ve been watching people around me more closely to hopefully get alternative career choices. Well not alternative as in bio-fuel maker or exotic animal manure composting…not that I have anything against anyone currently doing that. In fact, do you have flyers and handouts I can take with me?

While out walking this morning, I passed a pool guy getting his truck ready for a day of cleaning other people’s pools. I don’t know if it was the exhaust of the two 18-wheelers that passed me at that moment or what, but I started daydreaming about going to work as a pool boy, guy, whatever. No, it wasn’t in the adult pool boy meets sexy pool owner bow-chicka-bow-bow way, although…well, never mind. It was more like how envious I was that he was going to spend the rest of the day doing two of my favorite things, while getting paid for it. Yes, could you imagine a more laid back day than driving from pool to pool and inhaling chlorine fumes all day? Sure, it would be a pay cut for me, but I’d be outside and near the water and the medical and insurance must be good if you drive, handle chemical agents and work near water all day, right? And if one of my customers (unless it’s clients) had a nice outdoor BBQ island, well that would just be the cocoa butter icing on the cake!

Aside from a few chemicals and those cheesy straps to hang my sunglasses around my neck, I’ve got all the equipment to begin tomorrow. I’ve got the truck, I’ve got the shorts and I bet my parents would even let me move back in with them. Folks, I’m thinking pool boy cleaner dude might be the next rung on my career ladder. Unless I find something better…

…Like professional charity pledge sponsored walker. I know it’s a long title, but CEO is such a short title and you have to wear professional business attire all the time instead of athletic clothes and walking shoes. Besides, the income potential is only limited by my ability to get people to pledge money for each mile I walk. Yes, it sounds like something Creed would do on The Office, but I’m proud to say I’ve always had a little entrepreneurial spirit in me. It’s so simple really, perhaps even simpler than showing up to the office each day and essentially getting paid to blog. What, did I say that? I know nothing about such sneaky office antics. Surely you all know me well enough to understand that I work my rear off on real serious stuff from the time I get to the office until the time they kick me out. You do believe me, right? SERIOUSLY, BELIEVE ME NOW!!! Ok, thanks.

So here’s my plan. I get dressed up (that means jeans that aren’t faded and a polo shirt that makes my neck itch) and go house to house with a pamphlet about a charity or cause so I can ask for $1.00 per each mile that I walk. If I can do it without killing myself, I’ll cover fifty miles and make fifty dollars per person that sponsored me. Wait, wait, wait. Let’s make that twenty-five miles. Twenty-five dollars per person isn’t bad, I’ll just sign up more people to sponsor me. OK, you know what, let’s just make it ten miles and I’ll hit up friends and relatives too.

Except for the mind numbing guilt I will feel because of my Catholic upbringing and the whole ‘it might be considered illegal’ part, it’s a brilliant strategy. I can do a different charity every day and after the tax deducts, I should be sitting pretty, in a house, on a hill, with a view, ooh, and a pool. The best part is, I’ll still have all the chemicals and equipment to clean the pool myself.

So, have I told you about the plight of the Spotted Yellow Tipped Duck? Well, I’m doing this walk you see…

45 comments:

Heart Of Darkness said...

I think about other careers 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. Yes, I know it's too much - but that inclused all the extra hours I put in to that too...

I haven't found my dream job (besides writing), but I've gotten a pretty loooooong list of jobs I do NOT want, for anything in this world.

I guess that's good to - know what you don't want till you figure out what you do want, eh? :)

Michael C said...

Heart: That sounds like a great approach. Finding a job by the process of elimination. Plus, it'll make your resume look bigger.

Perhaps that could have been said differently...sorry
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Oh, and they say size doesn't matter... and by "they" I mean "men"... ;)

Go to bed already!

captain corky said...

Good luck with your new career pool boy cleaner dude!

Michael C said...

Heart: I knew that comment would get me in trouble!

Captain: Thanks!!!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Trouble? What trouble? :D

Michael C said...

Heart: Whew, I thought my mouth had betrayed me again!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Again?

Keep talking, and you will inevitably put your foot in... but so far, so good! ;)
I'll let you know when you're in trouble, okay? :D

Michael C said...

Heart: Thanks, I appreciate the heads up!!!! ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Ouch! Now you're starting to get nasty - remember, cross reference with what you write on my blog!

Michael C said...

Heart: Sadly, that occurred to me when I wrote that...but I still wrote it anyway. It was unintentional (although I am laughing)...Foot into mouth...
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

If you understood it while writing, and then decided to write it anyway, it was intentional. Not premediated, but intentional.

Michael C said...

Heart, Dang, you're good!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

Did you just call me Dang? Or was that me being dang?


Either way, you're balancing on the wrong side of trouble!

Michael C said...

Heart: Dang, I had better quit now.
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Dang, again!

This is up there with calling me Lurch, FYI!


*grrrrr*

Michael C said...

Heart: Oh, that's not good...

Heart Of Darkness said...

All I'm saying!

KAIZER SCOTT said...

CHICKS DIG THE CHEESY SUNGLASS HOLDER CORDS THINGYS

WHATS WRONG WITH SAYING "DANG"

CHICKS DIG DANG TOO

Michael C said...

Heart: I'll be careful ;-)

Scott: You don't wear those sunglass cords, do you??

Heart Of Darkness said...

Or... you could just choose another nickname... LOL

KAIZER SCOTT said...

YES I DO ....THATS WHY I HAVE SUCH A LARGE CULT FOLLOWING

mist1 said...

Did I miss something in the post? Why is everyone commenting about dongs?

Michael C said...

Heart: But my nickname is so original ;-)

Scott: I saw your cult in the office yesterday!

Mist: It may just be lack of sleep, but that was 'dang.' Sorry ;-)

brandy said...

Okay confession- I was going to try and leave my comment 'yoda style' but thinking of how to do so (remember I haven't seen a complete movie) was leaving me with permanet scrunched up eye-brows so I'm not going to try. I will say, that if you ever do leave your current job and become a full time pool boy, I'm going to want to see how you write it up on a business card. Oh, and your 'bow-chicka-bow-bow" comment has made you my favourite person today. Congratulations, the competition was tough.

Jenny! said...

all the equipment to begin tomorrow...are you sure you have ALL the equipment....I am looking for a new pool boy!

Michael C said...

Brandy: It's not often that I win anything. I'm so honored! Creating my business card sounds like fun. I may have to devote the rest of the day to doing just that. After all, 'only fools don't have clean pools.'

Michael C said...

Jenny!: You know, I debated the phrasing of that line and now it's clear I didn't debate it enough
;-)

Odat said...

I already gave at the office for the Spotted Yellow Tipped Duck walk!!! geeze..thing of something more original, will ya?? ;-)
Peace

AndreAnna said...

You've really given this some though huh? My favorite part of the guys who wear the sunglasses cords is the racoon sunburn they usually have round their eyes. HAWT!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I think Britney Spears may be looking for a new pool person. The last one got too friendly with her ex and she fired him.

I think my favorite charity is "Why lie? Need a beer."

Michael C said...

AndreAnna: Maybe I can work on a way to eliminate that. That should definitely be worth a good patent!

Hearts: I think I'll skip the Simpson household for now ;-)

kat said...

1. Comic
2. Writer
3. Food Critic
4. all of the above

I'd say you'd be perfect for any of these.

I'm all caught up on your blog now. Hooray!

Michael C said...

Kat: Yay, Kat's back! Yes, all 3 would work well for me, especially if I did all three at the same time...no wait, that would make me Rachael Ray...
;-)

Ralph said...

With your background in PR, you could convince people that $1.50 per mile for your charity is still cheap, but acceptable. Don't tell these sheep, I mean charitable people, thet your favorite charity has Lucy and Ethel as board members...

Michael C said...

Ralph: That's a very good point, thanks! Otherwise I would have bought myself a deep fryer with the 'walking' money...

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

It's like you are reading my fantasies. lol. You really are the voice of the people. :)

Michael C said...

Lone Grey: Voice of the people? I think I'd like that on my epitaph. Why don't we go in as partners. You can do the spas and I'll do the pools. Or vice versa ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

For me... *sigh*

(men - so selfentered...)

Michael C said...

Heart: That didn't start well...
;-)

Patti said...

reading the back and forth with heart is almost as good as reading your blog, Michael...I said almost.
I always visit because you are fun, and well, cool.

I'm into cool these days.
But I don't have a pool. I don't have any time for fun, actually.
Except for blogging. I have time for that. ;-)

FRIGGA said...

Oh no! Don't tell me the Spotted Yellow Tipped Duck has a plight! We need to save them now!

And. I so need to watch the office.

Michael C said...

Frigga: The office is on tonight!!

FRIGGA said...

Dude, I don't have cable. (Remember, I listen to the Beach Boys and think Ronald Reagan is cool.) Luckily I have a roomate who's gonna borrow some of the dvd's for me! =)

FRIGGA said...

Dude, I don't have cable. (Remember, I listen to the Beach Boys and think Ronald Reagan is cool.) Luckily I have a roomate who's gonna borrow some of the dvd's for me! =)