Thursday, June 28, 2007

Has Anyone Seen The Last Year Of My Life??

Well, here it is. Today is my one-year blogiversary. I checked into copyrighting that phrase, but the guy at the counter said all he could do was accept my utility payment, he knew nothing about copyrights. You never know where a great idea will come to you, unfortunately the right person isn’t always around, I guess. Now that I actually have to deliver on my one-year extravaganza, I’m afraid I over hyped the occasion just a little. I have a tendency to do that. As a result, Lucy and Ethel are often left asking me ‘is that it Daddy’ while I hold a camera saying things like ‘see, see, I told you this would be the coolest thing ever!’ I promised myself I’d stop doing that. Oh well, maybe tomorrow. Sorry.

As the days approaching my extravaganza counted down, I was dismayed at the total lack of B-list celebrities I invited that actually accepted. I was going to go all out for this one. Roseanne Barr, Miss America, David Hassellhoff, the curator of Elvis’ Graceland, Oprah’s friend Gayle, a representative of OPEC, one of the camera guys from American Idol, the first person other than a family member who visited my blog, many of the people in the news I made fun of, I mean wrote about in my posts, my high school English teacher who said I’d never amount to anything, my high school math teacher who said I’d never amount to anything, 5-7 ex-girlfriends who said I’d never amount to anything and Desmond Tutu (just because it’s so fun to say and he never said I wouldn’t amount to anything, but then again, he doesn’t know me yet). But, that’s not all. I also invited Lorne Michaels, Donny Most from Happy Days, the VPs of Programming for both The Travel Channel and The Food Network, my heroes Bob Newhart, Fred Willard and Batman himself, Adam West. I thought about inviting a few Playboy bunnies, but I’d just giggle when they got near me. However, above all else, the biggest surprise would have been at the end of the night when the financial consultant I hired was going to come out on stage and prove that I had indeed amounted to something. $5.27, to be exact. Then we’d serve pie and the Rockettes would do my almost-patented Happy Dance.

Unfortunately, I discovered around midnight last night that I had misplaced the invitations. Although, all those people I just mentioned will apparently each be getting an index card from a speech I am preparing to give during a staff meeting on Friday. By the way, if any of my invitees are reading this, can you please return those? If you overnight them, I’ll still have them in time for my presentation at work…

So, just like all my past milestone posts, I’m left with a big empty banquet hall that I rented for the occasion and lots of fun ideas and party favors left unused. Is anyone in the market for 8,000 kazoos with the words ‘Bitchin’ Blogiversary’ on them? I think I should officially mark ‘Party Planner’ off my future career list.

I think I’ll dim the lights, undo my tie and croon Sinatra’s ‘In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning.’ I’ve always wanted to do that. Or, I could grab a couple of brooms and practice plate spinning on them at the banquet hall’s expense. Or, I could turn on the strobe light and dance all night to “Disco Inferno.’ Or, I could vacate the hall altogether since I think I hear a security guard coming. Now I wish I hadn’t paid extra for the nighttime fireworks extravaganza. That was one slick salesman…

Before I leave though, I wanted to sincerely thank everyone who takes the time to visit this blog. Aw shucks, it means a lot to me! Well, at least the ones who leave a comment. As for the ones who don’t leave comments, well, no comment. A year ago today I sat down to do something I had been wanting to do since my heart surgery in 2005 but never did (I mean write, not just sit down in front of the computer. I already did too much of that). I picked out by blog’s template, wrote a few lines and was on my way. It took just a few days before I was hooked.

I actually started my blog with the comment feature off. It was one of my real world friends who suggested I should allow comments. Looking back, I guess she was my enabler. I did that and my life hasn’t been the same since. I have met so many great people over the last year (some who have been with me from almost day one and some who have only recently come to know me). I feel like I have all of these new friends that I get to share a little part of life with everyday and wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’s really a pretty cool phenomenon. I just wish I knew what else had happened in the world over the last year. It seems like if it didn’t happen on someone’s blog or in my comments section, it didn’t really happen. No, I’m not addicted, not me. It could never happen to me…

OK, enough of all that emotion and stuff. Now, where did I put the helium tank? I feel like singing ‘I Like Big Butts’ as Alvin and the Chipmunks…

55 comments:

Heart Of Darkness said...

Let me be the first one to throw you a HUGE

CONGRATULATIONS

on your first blogaversary!

Heart Of Darkness said...

And now to the real stuff - B-list celebrities only???? Hey, I got my invitation in the mail - am I being a B-list celebrity????

Well, I suppose it could've been worse. I could be a writer in the closet, hoping to get published, hoping people would buy my book, supporting my book-and-purse addiction in a dead end job where I have to be cheerful all the time, which clashes badly with the person that I am, and have no positive outlook for the future...



...hey, wait a minute... :O



...I AM all of that!

Michael C said...

Heart: First, thanks for the congrats!!! Second, ummm, no comment??
;-)

Nah, your're A-list all the way!

Heart Of Darkness said...

No comment?


NO COMMENT?


What are you - a politician?

Michael C said...

Heart: Uh, what are we talking about again??
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

I don't know... we have to stop drinking in the mornings, Mikey... I'm telling ya...

Michael C said...

Heart: Where is it morning? Uh-oh, I'm really lost now...

Terri said...

wow your first blogaversary - here's my happy wishes!

Just telling it like it is said...

Oh how a year can go by so fast...yes, blog land so important. My friends sometimes wonder about me and about blog land...when I tell them I can't go out today cause I have to write and I have to read and comment on my friend's blogs.
they give me the evil eyem but they do not know that I am famous if only in my mind








111

Lizza said...

I'll have one of them kazoos, please. Happy Blogiversary, Michael! Glad that the Hoff couldn't make it to the party. Now, lead me to the cake.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Congratulations. You are like an institution in the blogosphere. Always fun and sometimes educational to drop in. You have such creative ideas. Like now I'm thinking if anyone sells a cover version of "I love big butts" done as Alvin and the Chipmunks. I mean this is a sure hit!

AndreAnna said...

Happy day! Glad it was you I found first in this blog world. You got me hooked too!!

ian said...

Congrats and happy blogiversary!

Ian

Ralph said...

What is with this concern for no ‘B’ List celebrity acceptance? (Although Newhart rates an 'A'). Who cares about the 5-7 former girlfriends who said you would never amount to anything; you would not want them associated with your glam twins, Lucy and Ethel. An empty banquet hall reminds me about Sinatra's "Last Dance.” Your blog is a great mix of funny, ironic, quirky, and interesting. Congrats on a great first year and please continue. Also, do not place the steaks on thee grille until the coals are gray...

Crashdummie said...

If you misplaces the invitation, do like me – just crash the party! Unleash you wanna go all rock and roll and also trash it ;)

Congrats on your blog anniversary – may you have many more to come!

PS. We should so start that duet – although I kinda sometime sound like Alvin high on redbull too…

Odat said...

Damn....I must have fallen asleep!
I wanted to be the first comment!!
You tricked me...hehe....
Seriously tho...HAPPY 1ST BLOG BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so glad you are my best blogging buddy...you've made me laugh so much over the year. I, for one, am glad you're an addict!
Don't ever stop! ;-)
Peace

Michael C said...

Terri: Thanks!!

Just Telling: Sadly, I've done the same thing. 4 year olds should not be familiar with the phrase 'Daddy's blogging again.'

Lizza: I forgot to order cake. But I can give you 7,999 kazoos!!!! ;-)

Lone Grey: Thanks! Let me know if you find a copy of that song ;-)

AndreAnna: Thanks! I'm glad you found me and that I in turn found you! Are you sure Mike can't go crab fishing with me???

Ian: Thanks so much!!

Ralph: You are right...Newhart is very much 'a-list.' I tend to cheat on waiting for the coals to ashen. Thanks for keeping me honest ;-)

Crash: We'll do that one and disco inferno!! ;-)

Odat: Thanks to my oldest, dearest blogging buddy!!!! Wait, I meant oldest as in length of time you've been visiting here...not age...oh boy, I'm in trouble!! Thanks Bestest Blog Buddy!!! ;-)

captain corky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
captain corky said...

Congrats Michael!

Now,I know you seated me next to Donny Most. He and I are real tight.

Michael C said...

Corky: Of course I did!!! I got your back buddy!

brandy said...

Nicely said. I mean it. This MIGHT be the perfect post. It has humor, humility and a reference to Oprah's friend Gayle. (Seriously, how did she get so lucky? I want her job, minus the need for quality time with O). As a new reader, I hope you keep up the good work and continue to encourage me to spend my work day reading about other people's lives instead of following the rules laid out by my dictator, er, boss. Oh, and maybe send the invites out early next time, I suspect Rosanne probably had a hot dog eating constest to judge or something. Just a thought. Congrats on your big day!

mist1 said...

I thought The Hoff was going to guest post for you today so that you could take the day off.

Michael C said...

Brandy: It only took 1 year for the perfect post, huh?? ;-)
Ya know, if I ever hit the big time, I'll be looking to hire my own Gayle type position. Not to insinuate that Oprah has to pay Gayle or anything...but where does Gayle get her money if she's always with O??

Mist: The Hoff, um, 'forgot' about guest posting...if you catch my drift ;-)

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

congratulations michael... is there any cake? no? sigh... (some party, yeesh, no cake!) just kidding...

smiles, bee

Awesome Mom said...

Congratulations on making it a year!!! Personally I am surprised that you wife and kids have not done you in after some of the things you have said about them. I can't wait to see what your second year brings.

Aisby said...

Congrats on your blogaversary!!

Jenny! said...

Happy blogoversary! That's cool, I don't think I celebrated my 1 year...maybe I will for my 2 year! Don't I count as a B-List celebrity???

Irene said...

Oh but I love Alvin and the chipmunks!

Congratulations, Michael! My blogworld is a much better place because of you. ;p

katherine. said...

an entire year...wow... congrats.

brandy said...

The thing I wonder is... like, HOW does O pay her? I mean, it's obvious that she does but does it just get directly deposited into her account and they never talk about it? Or does she just had her a cheque and say 'well, here's for being my friend. cheers. let's get drunk and dance with the dogs?'. Or maybe she just buys her really expensive and ugly things and forces Gayle to take them back and she lives off the money that gets returned to her? Hmm, i'm curious.

Michael C said...

Awesome Mom: Thanks! The family is sick of me talking about blogging ;-)

Aisby: Thanks!!

Jenny!: You are B-list all the way!!!! ;-)

Irene: Thanks, good to have you back in these parts!!

Katherine: Thank you!

Brandy: I bet it's secretly deposited, although you just know Gayle has to return her stuff...probably after she tries to wear it once. Do you think Steadman is on the payroll too??
;-)

brandy said...

That makes sense. Man. I need someone to start secretly desposit a few million into my bank account. Seriously, i could do everything Gayle does- but better. I could be O's super best friend. As for Steadman, I doubt he's getting paid. He seems like he has zero personality so I don't think the thrill of money would even register with him. Maybe she buys him a golf shirt every couple of years and and he's happy. Whoa, I have a lot of opinions today on Oprah and her crew.

Michael C said...

Brandy: Remember, one of my dreams is still to have a member of the paparazzi capture a photo of 'O' falling off a curb our cussing out someone less fortunate than her...

I bet Steadman is sticking around for his annual guys only carribean deep sea fishing trips!!

The Rock Chick said...

Happy Blogiversary!!! How cool! I had mine in May. I timed it exactly with my wedding anniversary so I would never forget :)

I didn't get an invitation but I see you didn't invite my idol, Erik Estrada? Why not????

I would like one of those, though!!

Jessica The Rock Chick

Natalie said...

Happy Blogiversary. Time really flies when you're blogging. Keep it comin'!

Patti said...

"It seems like if it didn’t happen on someone’s blog or in my comments section, it didn’t really happen" -
So true. You are too much.

I'm only five months into this blogging addiction but I can't imagine life without it.

Congratulations, Michael. I wish a very Happy 1st Blogiversary to a funny, kind-hearted, sweet guy. Keep the posts coming.
On second thought maybe I shouldn't reference hearts in your presence.

Glad I found you!!!

;-)

FRIGGA said...

WhooooHoooo! Happy Anniversary! I haven't been around nearly as long as you - but I cheated & read your archives! =0

Please keep it coming!

Michael C said...

Rock Chick: That's a good way to remember. Next you I will definitely invite Erik...and the guy that played Jon!!! I love CHIPS!! ;-)

Natalie: Thanks for coming around so often ;-)

Patti: Thanks, I'm glad that you and Ralph found your way (or is it ways) here!!

Frigga: You read my archives and were still nice enough to comment??
;-)

Patti said...

I just read about *ugh* reindeer dogs. Archive browsing..

Patti said...

P.S. I made you a present for your blogging anniversary

notfearingchange said...

Happy Anniversary.

It has been a pleasure to exchange thoughts with you!

big hugs.

Michael C said...

Patti: Thanks! I really liked it!! Of course, it had lobster ;-)

Not Fearing: And you too!

Just telling it like it is said...

I think you should have a party of sorts, make everyone dress up in themes...I personally like the
" White Trash party" where I really did feel like I was at home, why with all the girls wearing wife beaters stuffed with a pillow and a beer can strapped to thier tummy...ahh the good old days...yep they go by so quickly...
Hip hop hurray

Michael C said...

Just Telling: That is the perfect theme! I'll bring Skynrd's Greatest Hits!!
;-)

Keshi said...

Happy 1st mate!

Keshi.

Michael C said...

Keshi: Thanks and thanks also for stopping by!!

Jenny! said...

Sweet!

Tammie Jean said...

Congratulations on your first Blogoversary! You have an awesome sense of humor and a great blog :)

Just telling it like it is said...

I was thinking more like country music..Garth brooks before he was ummm...what was that guy he was for a breif moment in time with the black hair?? and we can do the boot skootin boogie...did I was say that out loud...

Michael C said...

Jenny!: You're always welcome here!

Tammie: Thanks! That's really nice of you to say!

Just Telling: I think you're thinking of Chris Gaines?? I'll boot scoot with ya!!!! Yeah, you said it out loud ;-)

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I've seriously been asleep. Congratulations on hitting your one year. Now lets hope for many more years of "The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile"!

kat said...

Oh my god this was my most favoritist post of yours EVER. It was a complete showcase of all the elements that I love about your writing! It was silly, you poked fun at your job, you mentioned the twins, there was a celebrity guest list, amd dialogue, and theme music and bravado.

This was outstanding. It makes me want to do the Berries and Cream dance.

Michael C said...

Kat: Thanks!! Perhaps I can retire from blogging now?
;-)

CS said...

Congratualtions! You've just made me realize that my one-year blogiversary passed unnoticed by me two weeks ago. And I didn't even know there was a term for it. So we started blogging pretty cloe to the same time - cool, huh?

Michael C said...

CS: Congrats!!!!! That is very neat that we started blogging so close to each other! Keep up the great writing and photography!!!