Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Watch Out For Mother Nature…She’s A Real Mutha.

I’m in the middle of preparing for my blog’s one-year blogiversary spectacular on Thursday, so I may be more brief than usual the next two days. Don’t act so relieved! Perhaps, just perhaps I will finally create my elusive Perfect Post for Thursday. Of course, the pressure to do something big Thursday is crushing my skull, so thinking hasn’t been real easy. Maybe I should just take the day off…

While at SeaWorld yesterday, I noticed the sign I posted today, well, posted in front of these pink birds. I immediately saw the humor in it and after twenty minutes of explaining it in detail to those around me; they agreed that it was indeed blogworthy. Although I did have to explain ‘blogworthy’ to the elderly German couple next to me, but they eventually agreed. It might have helped that I bought them an ice cream and a churro to snack on.

Seriously folks, how cruel can Mother Nature be? The Lesser Flamingo? What a slap in the face. Sure, these birds aren’t smart enough to know that we are putting them down, but what a horrible name. I guess the name comes from the pale pinkish color of their feathers as opposed to the bright, full color plumage of ‘normal’ flamingos. If there is a Lesser Flamingo, does that mean the ‘normal’ flamingo needs to be called the Official Flamingo or Flamingo Personified or the Poster Flamingo? No wonder the Lesser Flamingos were squawking every time someone walked up.

I personally thought the ‘Lessers’ looked nice. In fact, they bore such a resemblance to the pink cotton candy that Lucy and Ethel were eating; I thought it would be cute to pose them in front of the ‘Lessers’ while holding their bag of cotton candy. Unfortunately, after the picture was taken, it looked like they were tiny twin hunters proudly holding up the Lesser Flamingo they just bagged. Accordingly, I decided not to post that pic today for fear of mistaken retaliation by either animal rights groups or the federal animal protection folks. Plus I didn’t want to have to give up my annual pass just yet…

Granted I am very tired after pushing two twin Barbara Walters (they ask soooo many questions) around in a stroller all day yesterday, but I can only think of one other instance right now of Momma Nature being so cruel. The donkey. Does the little guy really deserve the nickname of A$$? What did the donkey ever do? Just work his little bushy tail off, that’s all! Maybe the donkey should be renamed the ‘work horse’ or the ‘Farmer’s Bitc-.’ OK, scratch that, I got a little carried away. That last name isn’t so flattering.

Mother Nature has made many cruel jokes in her time. The giraffe, elephant, walrus, and duck-billed platypus come to mind, as does my face, but I’m choosing not to dwell on that right now. Why was it so necessary to pit the Flamingo against the Lesser Flamingo? All this did was ensure that the Lesser Flamingo would be an aggressive fighter and the Flamingo would take things for granted. In the end, the Lesser Flamingo may just prevail. YOU GO, UNDERDOG, OR UNDERBIRD!!! Gheesh, underbird sounds kind of demeaning too. I had better just stop here.

Now why do I hear the strains of Johnny Cash’s ‘A Boy Named Sue’ playing in the background?

44 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

are there greater flamingos? bigger flamingos? taller flamingos?

smiles, bee

kat said...

You went to Sea World? You are so lucky - that is my favorite theme park. Wet N Wild runs a close second but Sea World is top dog.

And speaking of dogs and cruel jokes from Mother Nature... how about the Poodle. It's really the red-headed stepchild of the dog family. And that haircut is the pits.

Yay - I'm all caught up on your blogs again!

Michael C said...

Empress: I think you should name animals from now on.

Kat: Yes, the poodle is odd dog out. For some reason, I see it and want to use Q-tips. Thanks for catching up again!!!

Odat said...

Lesser is not necessarily a bad thing....could mean there's less of them, therefore leaner/skinnier.
When I go on a diet I'm known as "Lesser Odat"! ;-)
Peace

Sam said...

Michael,

Your writing is far from humorous. it establishes your ignorance on one of the most beautiful birds.

Sam

Patti said...

Michael, What is a churro?
And do you let Lucy and Ethel have whatever they are??

Michael C said...

Odat: So lesser is more, so to speak... ;-)

sam: Thanks for the input. I am ignorant about a whole slew of topics. They were beautiful birds, I'll give you that. But wow, did they smell bad...besides, I didn't name them.

Michael C said...

Patti: sticks of fried dough with sugar and cinnamon sprinkled on top. You've never had a churro? They are good!

Patti said...

Yummy

Taco Bell has cinnamon thingys I know

AndreAnna said...

Who the hell gets on the defensive of birds? Sheesh. What a wienie.

You crack me up. I love SeaWorld. I am so jealous you live so close to one.

They should be called the Pastel Flamingo or something pretty.

brandy said...

The poor birds. I'm glad there are bloggers like you bringing attention to this abuse. And I used to LOVE churros, (churri?) back in the old days when I walked both ways uphill to school.

FRIGGA said...

In my 100+ trips to SeaWorld I have never once noticed that! But at least I remember that they get their color from the stuff they eat!

Okay, 100 might be an exaggeration, but it most definitely is more than 26!

Michael C said...

AndreAnna: Pastel Flamingo is nice, Secondhand Flamingo is not
;-)
I love SeaWorld, too, although I narrowly avoided bombing by a seagull! Darn filthy birds...I wonder if those are off limits...

Brandy: Thank you. Churros were the perfect energy bar, back in the day.

Michael C said...

Frigga: They were right near the eels...the entrance to them, I think. It's kinda hidden...and with them being Lesser Flamingos and all, I guess we can see why ;-)

Terri said...

come over to my blog and check out the freak of nature I found on yahoo today. Poor thing. I don't feel so bad for the lesser flamingos, at least they're beautiful, not so Elwood.....

Ralph said...

Michael, don't make too much fun of the pink flamengos, they can fly just high enough to poop on your truck...With your blogiversary coming, I had to get check out your initial blog...Wow! You and the Chairman of the Board? In Vegas? I can hear it now:

"I get no kick from champagaine,
mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all"

or:

"When I was thirty-two,
It was a very good year..."

Michael C said...

Terri: I'm on my way!

Ralph: Yeah, I don't talk about that period too often ;-) Although I now have 'I get a kick out of you' and 'It was a very good year' stuck in my head...

notfearingchange said...

you should definitely take thursday off maybe even wednesday...does wonders - then you can catch up on the OC! ;-)

Michael C said...

Not Fearing: I may take tomorrow off, but I gotta do something good for Thursday. Maybe I'll drive to the OC tomorrow ;-)

mist1 said...

Do the twin B. Walters make you cry? You know how she makes everyone cry.

Michael C said...

Mist: Only tears of frustration...Seriously, how many times can two little people ask the same question...

Heart Of Darkness said...

At least they don't look like Barbara Walters... :D

Oh, and if you have any questions, I'm all about perfection! ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: Two mini Baba Wawas (in my worst Gilda Radner Saturday Night Live impersonation) look alikes may just keep me up all night. THAT is one scary thought!!

Perfection huh? I guess I better watch the typos!
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Your typos or mine? Because you see, when I screw up, it's only adorable and enhances my otherwise perfection status... :)

Michael C said...

Heart: my typos, which only serve to enhance my underachiever status...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Eh - don't sell yourself short, underbird! ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: I sure hope that doesn't catch on!!! ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

You'd prefer Thunderbird, huh? The difference is in the 'th', really...

Michael C said...

Heart: That 'th' is the big difference between hero and zero. At least I don't have something inferior like 'lesser' in my name ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

No, actually, the difference between zero and hero is 'z' and 'h' - not 'th'... that would be, what, thero? Like a hero, over there? ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: That is thysterical! A hero over there? Might thave to thadd that to my thocabulary...

captain corky said...

Gulp! Only 24 hours until the big post. But seriously Michael, no pressure. None at all. Nope.

C said...

I will have you know being an ass is a good thing because someone is either always looking at it or sitting on it. They are busy all day long holding up some twit.

By the way the lesser flamingo might mean he is no bull - remember how inferior my boss felt next to those bulls at the mexican restaurant. The lesser flamingo may not have a leg to stand on (get it - leg to stand on) when it comes to pleasing the flamingettes.

Michael C said...

Corky: Is that why I can't sleep???

Michael C said...

C: I hadn't thought of that. And to think they put that filth on a sign at Sea World!!!!
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Tho that!

Michael C said...

Heart: When I go back and read my 'th' comment, it sounds like I've got a pretty bad lisp!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

*hihi*

Could be worse.

Could be a limp... ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: Ha! Or a bad infection on the face...That would definitely be worse.

kaiser scott said...

if there is ever ethnic clensing in the animal world and i was a lesser flamingo i would be concerned

kaiser scott said...

you also left out the mantee that is one ugly mofo i think its the danny bonnaducci of the animal kingdom..except i dont think theres many mantees that have done rehab or have there own reality series but you get my drift there just plain ugggggggggggly

Jenny! said...

I bet the female birds named the smaller male birds lesser!

Just telling it like it is said...

I donno... I kinda like the word A$$..personally I find it somewhat indeering...
I'm Home!! and alive...no worries I was really good..nothing too crazy darn!

Michael C said...

Scott: The manatee is cool!! ;-)

Jenny!: It would be just like them ;-)

Just Telling: Welcome back! I didn't hear sirens, so it must have gone well ;-) I guess under the right circumstances, A$$ is a sweet name, huh??
;-)