Sunday, June 17, 2007

Sunday Repost: Predictions For The New Year

Since I repost every Sunday and we're almost half way through 2007, I thought I would repost my 2007 predictions that I made back in January. For some strange reason, I don't think any of them have come true yet. How could I have been so off of the mark?

Also, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL THE FATHERS OUT THERE!!!

For the last few weeks, I have been reading people’s takes on the passing of 2006. I say it’s now time to focus on the future and look to what we have in store for 2007. Besides, it’s a lot easier to make stuff up that might happen than to have to research and report on what really occurred in 2006. So, on to my predictions for 2007.

Personal Predictions
I predict that I will come home from a rough day at work one day to see all of my friends and family waiting for me in the living room. I will open the front door and realize that I’ve walked into an intervention. At that point, all of the people I care about will begin to detail how I need to stop blogging because of all the time it takes me away from doing other things and that my writing has become an embarrassment to my family. I will obey them for a few days and then return to blogging. I also predict that my twins Lucy and Ethel will continue to act 50 and ask me about some of life’s most philosophical questions like why is the sun yellow. When I give them the best answer I can they will still tell me that I am wrong. However, I won’t get mad because they are so darn cute.

Entertainment Predictions
I predict that there will be more of the same poor excuses for entertainment in 2007 as there always have been, with a few notable exceptions. Since the game show revival has about run its course, I predict that network executives will bring the Gene Rayburn show Match Game back to TV. It will be called ‘Match Game 07’ and will be hosted by either Tom Bergeron or Richard Hamilton. Panelists will include Charles Nelson Reilly (I think he’s still alive), Fred Willard, Adam West, Oliver North, Tammy Faye, Englebert Humperdink, William Shatner and Morgan Fairchild. It will truly be an awesome collection of this nation’s finest talent. To add the extreme element that has pervaded today’s game shows, one important change will be implemented. When a panelist gives a wrong answer, the contestant can shoot them. Sadly, it will be cancelled in the middle of its second week.

Inspired by the success of The Beatles Cirque du Soleil show, Elvis Presley Enterprises will launch an all Elvis version. Unfortunately, it will feature music and interpretations of his great classic 60s movies like “Girl Happy,” “Girls, Girls, Girls,” “The Trouble With Girls” and of course, “Kissin’ Cousins.” There will also be an accompanying CD of his movies’ most popular tunes like “Return To Sender” and “The Ft. Lauderdale Chamber Of Commerce” that were remixed and blended for the show. The show will be called ‘Elvis: How To Waste The Prime Of Your Career Du Soleil.” Sadly, it too will be cancelled in the middle of its second week.

Lastly, I am predicting that Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan will record a duet titled “Come Here Baby, I’m Drunk.” Despite its embarrassing lyrics, it will remain on the charts for weeks, buoyed by its suggestive and racy video that features a cameo by Wayne Newton.

Cultural Predictions
PEZ will finally release its “Kings Of The Late Night Talk Show” candy dispenser series AND it will include Chevy Chase and Pat Sajaak. I am also predicting that the big word of 2006, ‘truthiness,’ will be replaced in 2007 by ‘erroneous.’ It will catch on quickly and be used in the following ways:
“Dude, this pizza tastes erroneous.”
“She looks so hot in that t-shirt, she’s just erroneous.”
“Hey man, who erroneated my homework?”

Top News Predictions
2007 will be the hottest year on record (actually, this one is true). Contributing factors will be global warming and the ramping up of the 2008 presidential election. I am also predicting that another 34 individuals will announce their candidacy for president. Some of the notables will be Bob Dole, Al Franken, Chris Matthews, Pink, Rosie O’Donnell, Donald Trump (just to tick off Rosie), Ben Stein, and the guy who provides the voice of Stewie from FOX’s “The Family Guy.” Another huge story in 2007 will be the selection of Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. It will be ‘Everyone Who Wasn’t Named When We Selected You As Our 2006 Person of the Year.’

Congressional lawmakers will contribute to a big 2007 news event. This time it will have nothing to do with sex or money but will still involve complete ineptitude. Under pressure from the lobbyists of large retail chains like Target, a bill will be drafted to make the Christmas holiday begin July 5th and end on Memorial Day weekend. The bill will actually be passed and made into law when both houses of congress hastily approve it (and a bill making Alfred E. Newman the face of the new one dollar bill) before leaving for their recess.

So there you have it, my predictions for 2007. It should be a heck of a year. Although, if any of these come true (or don’t come true, for that matter) please don’t blame me. I’d rather keep repeating 2004!

36 comments:

Shibari said...

Hey you! I really love your blog. I was sitting here reading and I am actually condensing to one post. I hate Jeff Gordon too. I would rather cut my own foot off than root for him. (I'm just saying). Anyway I have also come by to tag you... 8 interesting facts!!! they can be quirky ... fun.. sad ... inconsequential... i can't wait to see your answers.

AndreAnna said...

Hmph, Nostradamus you're not. Amusing, yes. :)

Patti said...

Charles Nelson Reilly died, but maybe he passed since you wrote this. I just don't feel like looking it up.

I thought Lucy and Ethel acted like they were 45, not 50...
;-)

Awesome Mom said...

Happy Father's Day! I hope Lucy and Ethyl spoil you rotten.

Michael C said...

Shibari: I promise to have my tag up by Sunday!! Oh, and bless you for not like Gordon!!!! Thanks ;-)

Andreanna: If I could accurately tell the future, I'd be a better parent ;-)

Patti: Lucy and Ethel matured again recently. HELP ME!!!

Awesome: They did. It'll be tough not being the center of attention tomorrow. ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

I need an intervention too... excess of caffeine, lack of sleep, excess of work and politics, lack of... yeah, well, you read my post! ;)

Pez dispensers, yeah... it's kinda barbaric, to flip someone's head off to get to some ill-tasting candy. Or is it just me?

Michael C said...

Heart: Sounds like your week isn't off to the best start. I'd get everyone together for an intervention, but it might take a while to get there.

As long as someone isn't flipping my head off for candy, I'm cool with it.
;-)

KAISER SCOTT said...

Shibari: I promise to have my tag up by Sunday---THAT SOUNDS VERY PERVY ..I LIKE IT NOW YOUR TALKING :)

LINDSAY LOHAN AND MRS FEDERLINE HMM IM SURE ALL THE TEENY BOPPERS WOULD BUY THAT COMPACT DISC...

I WONDER IF A&E WILL TELEVISE YOUR INTERVENTION ...MAYBE WE COULD HAVE THE SHOW SPONSORED BY PEZ & SMITHKLINE GLAXO AND THE GOOD FOLKS AT THE E.R ROOM THAT YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT ...

HEY HOW COME THERES NO SPORTS PREDECTIONS AND NO BLOODY NASCAR DOESNT COUNT....YOU GONNA BE IN THE OFFICE TOMORROW

ShadowFalcon said...

I'm going to play it safe and predict this year will be much like the last for many people...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Oh, rationalization, huh? Not your head, not your problem?

I guess...

Yeah, I'm with garfield - Monday's sucks!

Oh, and BTW - consider yourself tagged! ;)

captain corky said...

"Lastly, I am predicting that Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan will record a duet titled “Come Here Baby, I’m Drunk"

Well at least you were right about that one!

captain corky said...

It's one of my favorite tunes by the way.

Michael C said...

Shadow: That's a safe, but wise, guess.

Heart: I'm usually not selfish like that. I swear. No really, I'm telling the truth ;-)

And yes Mondays suck. There is no way around it, except for maybe illness. But even then, you have to return to work eventually...or do you??

Captain: Yeah, who knew. I haven't listened to it yet ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Yeah, the thing here is that if I don't do my Monday-load of work, peple get pissed - nobody will do the work for me, and it's kinda time-dependant...

But then again, life's a bitch and then you die. Wish I was a cat, and could sleep through it all.

Or get a better job. Any tips?

Crashdummie said...

Guess only time will tell if you’re predictions for 2007 were correct or not. But I hope they are accurate – sounds like fun ;)

Ooooh I love PEZ and have become a collector after seeing “The Pretender” (not a notorious one though, that would just be too freaky).

Michael C said...

Heart: My Mondays are very much the same. At least yours is almost over. I still have yet to start work today...

As far as tips, my blog hasn't helped me get published yet, so that's not working. I've tried to convince people of my tormented, hidden brilliance, but that hasn't worked either.

I've been searching for a new job, but there doesn't seem to be too many positions out there that require shorts, lots of time on the beach and three hour work days.

Crash: I have way too many PEZ. Perhaps I should insure them ;-)

Odat said...

I went thru blog withdrawal this weekend, without even the tiniest bit of intervention....but lo and behold I've picked it up again....oh well!
Hey, Happy Belated Father's Day!!!
Peace

Gledwood said...

Father's day... shmarther's day ...
i love your transparent x-ray skull tho

Just passing. come to my blog! gledwood2.blogspot - = the place to be!

l8rs

gleds

Heart Of Darkness said...

Yeah, but Mike, I'm not that picky - I don't need to wear shorts! I can easily go in a skirt... :)

You are brilliant. So am I. People should bow before us. Or at least buy our written stuff...

Michael C said...

Heart: I don't think the skirt is for me yet. While my legs are toned, it's more of a mental thing ;-)

Yes we are brilliant. I knew I liked you. Can you get a law passed for people to publish us and others to buy it?? If not, I could certainly get used to the bowing! Woo Hoo folks, bow before me!!!!
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

See, we think alike!

Scary - that's one of the signs of the apocalypse, that there's one more of me out there... LOL

I'm trying to pass that law, at least on a local level. If I'll succeed, I'll proceed to national, and then international levels. Don't worry, I'll make it happen... even if I have to kill someone in the process! ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: When I start making sense to people, weird things happen! I think death is a small price to pay for getting published. Ooooh, I better strike that from the official record.
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Hey, how about making some predictions about my future? I'm one of those cat-people who's curiosity will eventually kill them... but till then: tell me, tell me, tell me!!!! ;)

Michael C said...

Heart: I predict some time off and a new computer...how's that??
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Cheater!

Michael C said...

Heart: It was worth the try....I'll try again tomorrow ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Early tomorrow - I'm heading off for a long weekend, remember, plus, I'm ahead of you in time! ;)


But now you've got me all curious!

Michael C said...

Heart: OOOOOOh, suspense. Are you sure you want my predictions. None of 'em came true ;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Well, fire them off anyway - worse comes to worse, I'll at least know what wont happen... :)

Michael C said...

Heart: Ouch!!!
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

Told ya - never gonna win with me! ;)


But God bless you for trying...

Michael C said...

Heart: Ok, ok, you win!!!!
;-)

Heart Of Darkness said...

As always...


Now, go say 8 Hail Mary's for trying to outdo me! :D

Michael C said...

Heart: Right away!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

...and then you can give me the prognois - long term, without cheating, thank you very much...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Hey! Where's my forecast? Predictions...?