Wednesday, June 13, 2007

When Good Meets Bad

I was really hoping someone with an odd last name would do something dumb last night or this morning. Unfortunately, they didn’t and now I’m left trying to write something entertaining or that I feel measures up to the fun I had with yesterday’s post. I’m pretty sure I would have had a good post for you today, but the center of my world’s gravity was yanked several hundred feet in the wrong direction earlier today.

No, don’t worry. It wasn’t a death in the family or a new scratch on my BBQ. Although to be honest, both of those things would have been easier to deal with. My favorite NASCAR driver, Dale Earnhardt Jr. announced today that he was joining the same team that Jeff Gordon is on. Now I know I just heard the sound of everyone reading this clicking to another blog, but I’ll continue anyway.

See, here’s the deal (and some of you may have already picked up on this before), I HATE JEFF GORDON. He is my nemesis, my archrival and my sworn enemy until death. Now does he know this? I think he might, I mean I’ve yelled some very mean things to him while at the race track before. I think he may have been able to hear the insults I have hurled towards him from only 48 rows and several hundred feet away. I know that the family in the 47th row whose wife says I ‘offended her and her young daughter with my profanity laced horrible tirade’ heard me. At least that’s what her really big and mean husband told me. Yeah, I think Mr. Gordon knows he’s my sworn enemy.

So now, I am faced with the dilemma of rooting for my favorite driver even though he is a teammate of the man who I dislike among all others. Well, almost all others. There have been some pretty bad men down through the ages…but none of them drove the #24 car. In fact, I dislike Gordon so much that I have always made it a rule to also strongly dislike anyone who happens to become his teammate. Unfortunately, that now includes Dale Jr. Trust me, I am not alone in this sentiment. Every time Jeff Gordon beats Dale Earnhardt, Junior’s fans throw beer cans and other things from the stands at Gordon’s car. While I would never do such a thing, I wonder how that’s going to work now that they are teammates.

I feel like I have walked through a black hole and emerged in a world that is a photographic negative of itself or where all the pieces don’t fit. In this new world, the giraffe has no neck, people are paying money to put OJ Simpson back in jail and Paris Hilton works as a maid in her family’s hotel chain. Since my mom is a teacher, I should probably also add something like ‘in the new world, sports stars are paid minimum wage and teachers are millionaire celebrities.’ There mom, are ya happy? Can I go back to being a sports fan again?

This new world will take some getting used to for me. It’s like we didn’t fight the Germans in World War II and Rachael Ray only has three shows on the Food Network. I feel like I’m already getting lost. I haven’t checked yet, but something tells me that in the new world, there will now only be a Law and Order on TV every OTHER hour. I just turned on the radio and was startled to hear that Jeremiah was NOT a bullfrog (or a good friend of mine) and one is no longer the loneliest number. It seems that in this new world where everything impossible has become strangely possible, I don’t kill plants anymore. It’s the weirdest thing. All of the plants and flowers around the house are suddenly growing and thriving. I also seem to be in charge of Lucy and Ethel again instead of them being in charge of me. Boy, I’m getting really dizzy with all of this.

Despite what I have seen so far, I want my old world back where it was good vs. bad instead of good joins bad so good can win races and championships. I know something is definitely wrong because I didn’t feel well enough to go to work today and I actually found myself missing the padded walls of my cubicle.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

18 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

like the ying and the yang...

smiles, bee

Michael C said...

Yes, except the ying eats the yang when no one is looking ;-)

HendrickRules said...

WAH WAH WAH! Just suck it up and embrace Jr's happiness in joining a team he wanted to be in all this time.

The combination of Hendricks technical prowess, the brilliance of Gordon & Johnson as teammates and his own driving skills will finally propel Jr. to that elusive championship.

Gordon + Johnson + Earnhardt Jr. + Mears = NASCAR's FINEST

Michael C said...

Hendrick Rules: Gheesh, it even hurts to type that. Yeah my guy will win, but the rest of it is going to be very hard to stomach.

mist1 said...

How do you feel about the show 24?

Michael C said...

Mist: Never watched it ;-) I keep waiting for the shorter version called 8.

captain corky said...

"He is my nemesis, my archrival and my sworn enemy until death."

And I always thought that I was the Bo to your Luke Duke.

Crashdummie said...

I dislike Flash Gordon… will that do?

Patti said...

I don't follow NASCAR but I like what happens in your alternate universe.

Nee-nee nee-nee nee-nee nee-nee (Twilight Zone music)

Michael C said...

Corky: You are , cousin. I guess that makes Gordon our Boss Hogg.

Crashdummie: That works just fine for me ;-)

Patti: Sadly, I woke up this morning and nothing had changed...

Crashdummie said...

Excellent, cuz I have no idea who Jeff Gordon is.. beside him being you sworn enemy.

Ryc: omg, don’t say that even the Stork is going all Joey Tribbiani on me.. D’oh!

Odat said...

OMG May you find the antedote for "missing the padded walls" of your cubicle soon!!!!!!!!! ;d

Peace

Michael C said...

Crashdummie: He's a really good race car driver. But not has good as my guy.

I'll admit that it took me way too long to figure out what 'RYC' in your comment meant, but now that I know, I can say that the stork looks exactly like he's just waiting for the ladies and the lady birds to stop by ;-)

Odat: Help me, I'm scared and feel cold...

Jenny! said...

I have never heard of Jeff Gordon or Dale Earnheart...could be the lack of electricity in my doublwide or my mullet disrupting my hearing!

kat said...

Now I wasn't just spewing drink on my screen. I was guffawing and slapping my hand down on my desk. The second to last paragraph got me. The whole bullfrog, L&O thing. Oh you funny funny man. You crack me up.

(Racing has teams?)

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I would ask why you hate Gordon so much...but I won't. I'm afraid that you'd throw a projectile at my head or something.

FRIGGA said...

You went and got me all curious on this whole RYC thing and being linked to Joey Tribiani? I did the research to figure it out - ugh why am I so lame sometimes?
And now I can't remember much about your post other than Jr going over to the dark side ~ apparently they have cookies.

Ralph said...

Most of the people back east that I know just love Jeff Gordon...sorry!