Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Take This Pill, Stupid

Stupid is as stupid does, but it may become stupid was as stupid did. A German scientist, possibly a mad one, is working on a pill to treat stupidity. Initial tests at Max-Planck-Institute for Molecular Genetics in Berlin looked promising when conducted on mice and fruit flies; the smartest things in the universe and the creatures with minds most like ours apparently.

To spare describing all of the scientific processes involved, the pill basically stops or slows down short-term memory loss. Again, it does this in mice and fruit flies. It is not known when tests will be used on mammals such as Polly the Porpoise and the duck-billed platypus (which for the sake of this article is a mammal).

“Ve have figured out a vay to pump – you - up, vell, at least your mind, dat is,” said Dr. Helmut Frankenstein, the team’s leading scientist.

The researchers working on the “RU Stupid 489” pill obviously believe that short-term memory is the leading factor in human idiocy. They have presumably ruled out other causes of being stupid such as alcohol, genetics, a predisposition for liking Jerry Lewis movies, seeing tight or skimpy clothing on the opposite sex and listening to boy bands.

The medical community hopes that the breakthroughs in Germany will lead to a multitude of varieties for the anti-stupidity pill. Future pill variations scheduled for research include the anti-stupid husband pill, anti-stupid political party members pill (in non-affiliated, Democrat and Republican), anti-idiotic co-worker pill and anti-moronic eyewitness on the local evening news pill.

Perhaps the most anticipated pill, the one that will prevent people from saying something stupid, is years from FDA approval. Its delay is due to the fact that it will affect the foot and the mouth in addition to short-term memory.

4 comments:

Odat said...

Well, I'm certainly not going to need to take this CRS pill..I mean after all I, err, hmmmmmm, (shit, I forgot what I was gonna say!)

Peace

Odat said...

Damn I feel so stupid, what that post about anti stupid or pro memory pills???? geeze, I may need some of dat! :-)

Michael C said...

Honestly, I can't remember!

meloncutter said...

I remember as a child growing up on the farm, out in the garden, I would see these little round pellets on the ground. I asked my mother what they were and she said they were "smartenin pills." She said that I didn't need any but stupid people should take them.

It turns out these were actually rabbit turds. To this day I still meet people that make me think I should get them some "smartenin pills" to take.

Me, after my youthful education about the rabbit droppings, I would not take any thing that someone claims will make me smarter unless I can see where it came from and that it did not involve a rodent orifice.

Later Yall......