Help, I'm Stuck To The Toilet Seat And Can't Get Up!

Now tell me the truth, if you saw a headline about a woman suffering injuries after being stuck to a toilet, you’d read it. And so would I. It seems a woman in Council Bluffs, Iowa is now nursing burns she got when she found herself glued to a public toilet. The paramedics that responded (gosh I hope she’s not too bashful) had to use fingernail polish to free her from the toilet seat.

Officials believe that rubber cement was placed on the toilet seat as a prank. They are investigating the crime as both an assault and a vandalism. I’ll assume it’s vandalism of the toilet since there is also the assault charge. Local police officials fear more of what they are calling “sit and stick” crimes so they have hastily formed a new task force operation to combat that potential new problem.

In a complete invasion of privacy, Council Bluff’s city janitors have begun installing cameras in all public bathroom stalls. One city official was quoted as saying, “sure it’s constitutionally wrong, but if we catch these hooligans it’s well worth it. All residents and city visitors deserve to feel completely safe while sitting in a public facility with their pants around their ankles.”

Operation Anti Sticky Seat’s officers will be given the task of reviewing all restroom video. “It’s better than traffic duty,” said the head of the operation. “It’s a real challenge to head up A.S.S. since it’s vital we stop this from happening again,” said the official who begged to remain anonymous.

The victim is expected to make a complete recovery. She told local reporters that it was one of the most embarrassing moments of her life. If it was one of the most embarrassing moments, this lady should write a book. After all, if having to be rescued while being glued to a public toilet seat doesn’t top the list, this lady is one steely woman.