Friday, August 18, 2006

Maybe Flipper Ain’t All He’s Cracked Up To Be

A South African scientist has recently stated that dolphins are probably not as smart as we would like to give them credit for and may be “dumber” than lab rats and 25-cent feeder goldfish! Dolphins have large brains, which is the reason we have always believed they were so smart. However, there are some researchers who think the size of their brains is to help them cope with being a mammal living in colder waters.

The scientist says that there is more heat producing matter in dolphin brains than there are thought producing neurons. Interestingly enough, the same results were just found during my most recent CT scan (hence the term hotheaded?). What all of this means is that instead of being the valedictorians and salutatorians of the seas, dolphins are nothing but the cute, bottle (brown) nosed yes men and class clowns of our oceans. In dolphin world, anything goes for a fishy reward.

The scientist asserts that the flashy water park performance of dolphins is because of having good animal trainers rather than smart dolphins. After releasing study findings like this, let’s hope that they’re as unintelligent as we now believe they are. I imagine they would get very angry when told they cannot hold an intellectual candle to a rat or goldfish. Do you remember all those great fight scenes in “Flipper” where he would defeat his enemies by sucker punching them with his nose? Obviously, the guy hit first and thought later.

If this news gets out among the dolphin community, I fear a time when innocent and unsuspecting swimmers up and down our coasts will be rammed by angry dolphins that aren’t smart enough to deal with their stupidity in a calm and rational way. When that happens, we would be safer swimming among sharks with blood pouring from cuts on our bodies!

There is no doubt that this new incredibly shocking discovery will break the hearts of dolphin lovers around the world. Clearly, no one who has ever visited Sea World could have seen allegations like this coming. After all, most of the really brilliant people I know always prefer to display their intelligence by jumping through hoops 4 times a day for a snack.


meloncutter said...

Dang, What will Greenpeace do now? I guess since tuna will be smarter then the dolphins, they can gripe about tuna gettin caught in the dolphin nets. Do away with Charlie the Tuna and maybe have Dumbass the Dolphin? Change the name of the company from Chicken of the Sea to ..... Turkey of the Sea? Turkeys are pretty stupid too. Got a good recipie for Flipper casserole?

Later Yall.....

Michael C said...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, Flipper casserole, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Odat said...

oh wow...another big disappointment in my day! geeze! I was thinking of going dancing with the dolphins to feel better. Are you saying this will be akin to "Dancing with Dopes'?


Michael C said...

I'm afraid dancing with dopes it is..provided you give them fish first as an incentive. They really are demanding little mammals!