Strange Happenings Down On The Farm

I don’t know what British farmers eat or drink to be merry, but it seems like they’ve all gone a little ‘hay’ wire. After hearing about the following story, I’m thinking there may be some foreign farmers out there with a little too much time on their hands.

A report out of London stated that an English farmer has noticed that cows have accents that are varied by region. He is very close to his cows and noticed recently that they moo similarly to his own accent. This farmer has spoken with other cow owners who have noticed the same phenomenon. The belief among these farmers is that the more time they spend with their cows; the easier it is for the cows to learn their accents.

This of course begs the questions of how much time these guys are really spending with their herds and what all are they saying to them. Do they roam the fields with their livestock as they graze upon acres and acres? Are they speaking about philosophy, telling jokes or reciting bible verses to them? For cows to get familiar enough with their owner’s dialect to be able mimic it in their mooing, the farmers must be saying more than “come here” or “go there.” Do they serenade their heifers? Do we really want to know?

Whatever the disturbing answers to those questions are, it’s obvious that some English farmers are more than just owners to their livestock. It’s nice to think that they pass away the time with their herds talking to them and no doubt sharing their innermost thoughts. Provided you could tell the difference, it would be fun to hear cows moo in their different accents.

I wonder if the same thing is true here in the US. I don’t want to milk this, but if it is, it means we get our milk and beef from surfer cows (like, uh, Pauly Shore), New England cows (like the Kennedys), Deep South cows (like the Food Network’s Paula Dean), Cajun cows (like Dr. John), Wisconsin cows (I need a little help with this one) and Texas drawl cows (like Sam Elliot when he tells us that beef is what’s for dinner).

You know, a long time ago I was walking past a field of grazing cattle here in Southern California and could have sworn their calls and moos sounded a lot like “What’s up, dude?” I always just thought it was the wind, but now I’m not so sure…