Thursday, August 17, 2006

Soldiers And Police Officers Urged to Get Breast Implants

A woman in Israel is thanking her maker that she recently decided to increase her cup size. It saved her life. She almost became another victim of the conflict between Israel and Lebanon. Shrapnel penetrated her chest but was stopped in place by her breast implant. The amazing story has given military leaders and law officials in this country their “breast” idea yet. Unless your safety depends on bulletproof vests.

“It’s remarkable that we’re spending money on ugly looking bulletproof vests to protect our officers when there is such an attractive solution right before our eyes,” said a local police chief.

“It’s gonna look funny, but my soldiers’ safety is of the utmost importance, even if it means we’ll have an army of girly men” said an Army Major General.

My assumption is that the prices for both the vests and the implants are comparable but I have never had a reason to purchase either. Imagine what a great distraction it would be for opposing armies and criminals. Having big men in uniform approaching you with guns drawn would be intimidating. Now imagine those same men coming at you with guns drawn and cleavage showing. By the time your bewildered mind came to terms with what you were seeing, they would have you surrounded without a shot being fired.

Of course, if you were the uniformed officer or soldier (once you got over the embarrassment of having breasts) and the enemy does manage to get a shot off, you can always stick out your chest like Dolly Parton and let your implants save you.

I can see a time years from now when veterans will be sitting around comparing scars and telling war stories while suddenly several big chested men get up and leave in embarrassment because they paid the ultimate price for their country. Now just one question remains, what cup size provides the most protection?

4 comments:

Odat said...

hey...and you "guys" all say that women shouldn't be in combat???? tsk tsk!

Michael C said...

If my news sources are credible, it looks like women may actually be safer than men in combat.

Don't worry Odat, this is an equal opportunity blog ;-)

C said...

that is so insane! Ha ha. but I guess it only works if you are facing the line of fire. They do ass and pectoral muscle implants too but I don't know if those offer the same high quality protection.

the Laughorist said...

The Marines have revised their slogan from "A Few Good Men" to "A Few Good Women, Or A Few Good Men With Knockers."
Laugh. Or....
Else.