Excuse Me, There’s A Hair In My Chocolate

A man employed at a chocolate factory in Wisconsin had an experience that most people would pay dearly for (in more ways than one). He fell into a cauldron full of chocolate. The man was doing maintenance around the container when he slipped and plunged in. Apparently, reports that he was trying to get closer to the chocolate reincarnation of the Virgin Mary are unfounded.

After falling in, he quickly became stuck in the thick 110 degree chocolate. The mixture was so dense that the fire department that came to his rescue had to thin it with coco butter to get him out. He was trapped for about 2 hours before they freed him from the goo. A local hospital treated the sweet smelling victim for minor injuries and (I suspect) over eating.

“I figured the best way out was to start eating the chocolate, but after the first hour, I started feeling a little sick,” said the man. “It’s true what they say, dark chocolate really does taste richer than milk chocolate, but when they scraped it off of me, my skin felt so reinvigorated it made the whole ordeal worth it,” he added.

To compensate for losing money on the inedible chocolate, the company’s management quickly sought to find a use for it. Their first idea was to sell it at half price to a local shelter for dessert, but when all local shelters refused, they decided on an alternate plan. They are now selling the “experience” as “The Chocolate Spa Peel.”

"We spoke at great length with our employee," said one of the company’s owners. "Although he was initially in great pain with a lot of scarring and blistering, the hot chocolate eventually did wonders for his skin and since the FDA won’t let us use that vat for food production anymore, we’ve converted it into a chocolate spa therapy."

The company says that they are now taking reservations for the spa experience. All anyone interested in the 45 minute chocolate spa and peel treatment has to do is sign the liability waver for potential 3rd degree burns and ensuing infections.

If the service proves profitable, we can expect more products and body treatments from them. They are already working on white chocolate acne masks, an entire line of gummy gels and lotions and syrup-infused hair tonics. A potential caramel-based enema, “The Creamy Caramel High Colonic” has already been nixed.