Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and always pathetic. I hope that at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. As you'll be able to tell from this week's list, I've got to work on my Halloween awareness. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 10/29/06-11/4/06.
! I learned that you should do a little research when your daughters tell you they are going to be Disney princesses for Halloween. Snow White is pretty easy to recognize, but Sleeping Beauty is quite a bit harder. When in doubt, don’t guess or ask your daughter who she is supposed to be dressed as. Just quietly ask your wife. That’s what politicians do in receiving lines. By the way, did you know that Sleeping Beauty’s real name is Aurora? I do now and I’ll certainly never forget it.
! I learned that I need to be reminded to turn the front yard’s sprinklers off on Halloween night. Again, I want to apologize to any trick-or-treater that may have inadvertently gotten a little wet coming up our front walk. Hope the extra few pieces of candy made up for it.
! I learned to not let my daughters draw the face they want me to try and carve on their pumpkin. If I could successfully carve their interpretation of a face, I would qualify as a master artisan. Next year I’ll do both the drawing and carving. Or better yet, buy a fake one!
! I learned that it’s pointless to get up extra early in the morning to walk 3 miles for exercise when I am just going to get to work and gorge myself on all the potluck items everyone brings in on special days. Despite what you might think, the exercise and eating do not actually even out!
! I learned that it’s not a good idea to mention the phrase “I’m definitely blogging about this” during a staff meeting when something absurd happens. I then had to swear that I would not reveal the identity of the corporation that employs me. (For a reference, please see yesterday’s post)
! I learned that when I think that Lucy and Ethel’s crayon maker isn’t working, I should check to see if there is an on/off switch before going upstairs to wake my wife and ask her why it isn’t working. Husbands can gain a lot more credibility by avoiding this type of common mistake!