Forbes’ Richest Fake Folks

I was originally going to do a post about a radio commercial I still can’t believe I heard yesterday. I’m paraphrasing here, but it was an ad to join the CIA. I know I heard the word clandestine at least three times and they are apparently an equal opportunity employer. The more I thought about it, I began to fear writing about a radio ad that was seeking employees for our country’s intelligence agency (even though it’s sooooo ripe for commentary). Well big brother, ya got me this time. It’s unfortunate too because I could already picture myself as a spy with Carly Simon singing ‘Nobody Does It Better’ in the background as I go lurking all over the world.

Fortunately, Reuters published a story about Forbes’ annual list of the richest fictional characters today. Now I can blog about that instead since I’m sure none of the ‘people’ on the list can come after me. The list is posted at Forbes.com. Once we move beyond the issue of why we would care about who the wealthiest non-real person is, the list is actually very interesting.

The story says that Santa (who has infinite wealth, just ask his elves) was removed from the #1 spot this year because children have proven he’s real through the Christmas presents they received and the cookies and milk Santa appears to eat each Christmas Eve. That gives the title of richest fictional character to Daddy Warbucks. Forbes estimated that Montgomery Burns from ‘The Simpsons’ is the second richest (apparently evil pays) and Scrooge McDuck is the third richest made-up mogul. Other notables on the list include Richie Rich, Jed Clampett, the Monopoly dude, Bruce Wayne (or is it Batman, hmmmmm) and ‘Gilligan Island’s’ Thurston Howell III (I guess it’s hard to lose your wealth when stranded on an island with the castaways and you’re there for a long, long time).

Determining the value and wealth of people that don’t exist seems like a lot of fun and not having ever read this list before, it brings to mind folks who may have been left off the list. How about James Bond? His government and MI6 seem to bankroll great cars, money to gamble with, diamonds (they last forever, you know) and more. If that were all to be added up, I’m sure it would be a great deal of money. Maybe Forbes didn’t give James the credit for that since it’s property of the British Empire and their make believe company Universal Exports. One has to wonder how Fred Flintstone would size up when his income is adjusted against today’s financial climate. What about all those prissy little Disney Princesses? Although most of them were not born into their titles or kingdoms, they became royalty and their castles, horses, crowns, etc. have to be worth bank (is that how the cool kids say it?).

The guy that owned Knight Industries and created Michael Knight and KITT has to have a few dollars on him. Those talking ’84 Trans-Ams are hard to come by, you know. Phillip and Kimberly Drummond had enough money to live in a penthouse, have a live-in housekeeper, limo and chauffeur and were still able to take in two orphans. Plus, they lived in one of the nicest neighborhoods in New York. I would think that would make them eligible for the list. Of course, Arnold and Willis make me think of Ricky Schroeder’s character and his family from Silver Spoons. They were rich, heck that was the whole premise of the show. That would qualify them, I would assume.

Perhaps the richest of all is that character that cooks and decorates. She even has magazines, books and TV shows to her credit. She’s so rich that going to prison couldn’t affect her wealth. I can’t believe she’s not rich enough to make the list. Then there’s the fictitious mogul who hot air balloon rides all over the world and owns an airline, not an airplane, but an entire airline. What about the rich fella with the bad comb-over who invites people onto TV to compete for a job with his company? Oh wait, you mean all those people are real? Get outta here! They’re on TV all the time so I just naturally assumed they were make believe. Well then, never mind…