Things I Learned This Week: 11/11/06

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and always pathetic. I hope that at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. As you'll be able to tell from this week's list, I hit a few speed bumps at work again. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 11/5/06-11/11/06.

! I learned that when my card is stamped by the time clock of life that I might be headed a little south of Heaven. And here’s why: at a quirky Italian restaurant with some friends the other night, I was walking towards our table when I stopped and noticed a huge picture of Frank Sinatra inside a sort of shrine to him. When I saw it, I immediately knelt down and genuflected. Oops. Pray for me by blogging brothers and sisters…

! I learned that if I want to be so bold as to suggest a fine eating establishment for our office’s Christmas party/dinner, I’d better be darn sure ready to take the lead and plan the whole thing. I guess that means both Hooters and McDonalds are out…

! I learned that when my female coworker says that her son’s boss keeps talking about how hot he thinks she is, I shouldn’t ask her “has he seen you,” when what I really mean is “has he met you or does he joke like that with all of his employees?” It would not have been so bad if she hadn’t told the entire office. Fifteen times!

! I learned that when I am talking to the same female coworker and I tell her that my family is having a Christmas open house, I should not say, “you might be invited” when what I mean to say is “if we can invite coworkers you will be invited.” Unfortunately this incident and the one above only happened about an hour apart so female coworker is a little bent with me.

! I learned that although I am filled with enough patriotic pride to hum “The Star Spangled Banner” while voting, that not everyone else is and they might not appreciate my ‘mood music’ as much as I do. Those communist fools!!

! I learned that when taking Lucy and Ethel to a birthday party at “The Bounce House” for their school friend that all of the other kids there may not appreciate me bouncing, going down the slide and swinging on the suspended rope inside the gigantic arctic themed bounce house as much as I appreciate it. Those communist fools!!

And lastly…

! I learned not to take it too personally when I show up at a gathering of good friends who I haven’t seen in a while and they see me and say, “Michael’s here. We’ve got to be careful what we talk about or it might end up on his blog.” Now really, does that sound like something I would do? Those communist fools!!

**Author’s Disclaimer – I do not think anyone mentioned above is either a communist or a fool. I just thought it sounded funny, especially when you pound your fist on the desk while saying it. Seriously, try it.