Thursday, November 23, 2006

But I Thought These Were The Turkeys You Pardoned

President Bush carried on a tradition yesterday that dates back to Harry Truman in 1947. He pardoned a turkey (and it’s backup) for Thanksgiving, thus sparing them from someone’s dinner table. The two birds, Flyer and Fryer, were set to spend the day at Disneyland as grand marshals of a Thanksgiving Day Parade instead of at the bottom of a pot of boiling oil.

However, calamity ensued late Wednesday night in California as the two pardoned turkeys arrived at Disneyland. The park's officials realized that the two birds were not Fryer and Flyer but two larger birds named Yum and Me. Phone calls were immediately placed to the White House to advise them of the mix up but it was too late. Fryer and Flyer had already been ‘processed’ and were almost ready to be served at both the White House as Turduken and at a local Washington DC shelter.

“All I can say is oops,” said a White House official. “There was a mix up after the pardoning ceremony and Fryer and Flyer were accidentally placed back into the wrong holding pen. I guess things like this happen all the time; these birds all look the same. They sure smell good though,” he added.

Asked whether or not the bird that was still going to be served at the White House as part of Turduken, which most believe to be Flyer, the official stated, “well, he has already been prepared so it would be a shame not to go ahead and eat him. We’ll just be more careful next year.”

The White House released a statement this morning that condemns the careless judgment of the turkey handlers. The release said that plans are already in motion to prevent this from happening next year. It calls for a congressional hearing and investigation, an improved ten-step post-pardon ceremony turkey handling process and possibly the formation of a new cabinet position to oversee all meaningless Presidential traditions. Lastly, the White House has promised they will use turkey shaped tofu for their dinner next year to make up for accidentally eating the official national turkey.

“We all feel awful about the mix-up. We will not smile, laugh or show excitement in any way as we try our best not to enjoy this turkey while we are eating its succulent and tender meat. Mmmmmmmm, tuuuurrrrkeeeeeeey,” said a drooling White House official.



ivan said...

Happy American Thanksgiving.

No satire.


Mimi Lenox said...

Hahahaha...Very funny! And I love the pic. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours today, Michael.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

So perfectly typical. Even a presidential pardon means nothing to these guys.

We have government of the turkey, by the turkey and for the turkey.

Lizza said...

Haha! I have a feeling this won't bring any measure of comfort to animal rights activists.

Hope you had a happy Thanksgiving!

thethinker said...

Hehe, happy thanksgiving.

Josie said...

Oops. Sounds like the time my mother "accidentally" made rabbit stew out of our pet rabbit.

Happy Thanksgiving to you.


ShadowFalcon said...

So you guys eat the turkey cos they've commited crimes?

Meloncutter said...

I hope your thanksgiving was as wonderful as mine. I have found that copious amounts of the sweet desserts will lessen the gas caused by the turkey.

Have a good one my friend

Later Y'all

Odat said...

omg! Such a shame!
(I'm a day late in reading this, hope your thanksgiving was great!)

Dan said...

Why the congressional investigation? Everybody knows it's Bush's fault. In fact, isn't everything Bush's fault? ;)

C said...

Ooh sure just like those weapons of mass destruction. Lots of mistakes.

Pickled Olives said...

I hope fryer gave them indigestion...