Things I Learned This Week: 9/30/06

I have decided to begin a new gimmick, I mean feature (that’s just a joke, not an editorial statement) on Saturdays.

Because I just couldn’t get the creative alternator to turn over this morning and because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured this week, I am beginning a weekly column here called “Things I Learned This Week.” It’s educational, sometimes insightful and always pathetic. I hope after sharing these things that at least one of them will make your upcoming week much easier. So here is the inaugural “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 9/24/06-9/30/06.

! I learned that if exposed to a cuss word, a 4 year old will inevitably repeat it, usually within 15 seconds. Fortunately when my youngest twin heard someone on the television say “I’ll kick your a--,” she asked me what “I’ll kick your rats” meant.

! I learned that when my head and neck doctor says to avoid stress and caffeine so it doesn’t aggravate my inner ear damage, he’s saying it for a specific medical reason. On a slightly related note, I learned it’s not such a good idea to try and go downstairs when experiencing severe vertigo

! I learned that when discussing my performance with my superiors at work, they don’t appreciate me holding my weekly report directly in front of my face while exclaiming “you can’t see much when all you look at are numbers!” I won’t do that again.

! I learned that even though the calendar says it’s Fall/Autumn/Whatever and they are selling Pumpkin Lattes down at Starbucks that it can still be 96 degrees outside.

! I learned that when I awake in the middle of the night to our cat puking or throwing up a hairball, I need to watch where I am walking the next morning.

! I learned that I need to hold my breath when emptying out old containers full of unrecognizable food from the back of the refrigerator.

And lastly…

! I learned that when I’m sitting there for my blood test and the needle goes in but no blood rushes into the test tube so they have to root around in my vein to find it, there is going to be significant bruising.