Saturday, September 30, 2006

Things I Learned This Week: 9/30/06

I have decided to begin a new gimmick, I mean feature (that’s just a joke, not an editorial statement) on Saturdays.

Because I just couldn’t get the creative alternator to turn over this morning and because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured this week, I am beginning a weekly column here called “Things I Learned This Week.” It’s educational, sometimes insightful and always pathetic. I hope after sharing these things that at least one of them will make your upcoming week much easier. So here is the inaugural “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 9/24/06-9/30/06.

! I learned that if exposed to a cuss word, a 4 year old will inevitably repeat it, usually within 15 seconds. Fortunately when my youngest twin heard someone on the television say “I’ll kick your a--,” she asked me what “I’ll kick your rats” meant.

! I learned that when my head and neck doctor says to avoid stress and caffeine so it doesn’t aggravate my inner ear damage, he’s saying it for a specific medical reason. On a slightly related note, I learned it’s not such a good idea to try and go downstairs when experiencing severe vertigo

! I learned that when discussing my performance with my superiors at work, they don’t appreciate me holding my weekly report directly in front of my face while exclaiming “you can’t see much when all you look at are numbers!” I won’t do that again.

! I learned that even though the calendar says it’s Fall/Autumn/Whatever and they are selling Pumpkin Lattes down at Starbucks that it can still be 96 degrees outside.

! I learned that when I awake in the middle of the night to our cat puking or throwing up a hairball, I need to watch where I am walking the next morning.

! I learned that I need to hold my breath when emptying out old containers full of unrecognizable food from the back of the refrigerator.

And lastly…

! I learned that when I’m sitting there for my blood test and the needle goes in but no blood rushes into the test tube so they have to root around in my vein to find it, there is going to be significant bruising.

68 comments:

Odat said...

I love it, love it , love it!
Great idea!!! funny too...and I can idenify with all of em! Well, some of them at least...lol.
Oh and I sure could've kicked some rats this week!

Peace

Irene Tuazon said...

I know what you mean, Michael. I said the F word the other day and was stunned when our 18-month old repeated it within seconds. I could not believe he actually said the F word before "Mommy" and "Daddy"! So, from now on, the only F word that comes out of my mouth is FUDGE! c",)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Great post, but are you okay?

Robin Williams does a bit about forgetting his 4-year old was in the car while swearing at other drivers. Suddenly, he heard a little voice chanting,
"Fuck it-fuck it-fuck it-fuck it!" from the back seat.

Kids are alarmingly selective about what they hear and repeat.

And cats are careful to hawk up hairballs exactly where you will be sleepwalking to the bathroom in your bare feet.

My veins are having sympathy pains. I always get pediatric needles because mine are so small, and they always manage to bruise me anyway.

I hope it's nothing serious.

Michael C said...

Odat: Kickin' Rats...great name for a band, dontcha think?

Irene: I used to walk into things to make my twins laugh, then they started doing it. Boy they really are observant ;-)

HeartsinSanFran: I'm fine, thanks for asking. I had a mechanical heart valve installed (for lack of a better description) last summer and need to be on blood thinners so nothing clots on the valve. I get to do a regular blood letting about every month to make sure it's not too thick or thin. At least I'm guaranteed of getting out of work a little early one day a month ;-)

thethinker said...

Ouch. The needle thing sounds painful.

Apart from that, I love the list!

Michael C said...

Thinker: Thanks for the comment! Coming up with new blog material every day often seems more painful than the "needle incident."
;-)

ShadowFalcon said...

I hate blood tests, you think it is going to be fine and then you get the evil nurse who cna't find a vein.

PARLANCHEQ said...

The cat-hairball thing, I keep having to re-learn that one the hard way. ;)

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Students can often find discounted airfare by visiting STA.com. This is the Student Travel Association, and it can sometimes find less expensive airfare for the traveling student. This isn't always the case, but it doesn't hurt to look.

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