Friday, September 22, 2006

No Thanks Man, I’ll Just Wait My Turn In Line

Lines at amusement parks are certainly no fun. After all, who goes and pays upwards of $40 per person to spend the day in line for your favorite thrill ride? A few years back Disneyland installed the Fast Pass system where you could pick up a ticket that would allow you to come back at a certain time and go to the front of the ride queue. Well, according to the Associate Press, Six Flags Great America in Illinois is now offering visitors a way to move up in line. Their way is a heck of a lot cheaper than installing Fast Pass ticket spitting kiosks near its most popular rides.

The line-jumping program is in effect through October during Six Flags’ annual Fright Fest. The AP says that there is no limit on how many times park guests can move to the front of the line and the pass will be good for up to four people. Oh yeah, did I admit that you have to eat a 3-inch Madagascar Hissing Cockroach to receive the special line privilege? I didn’t, oh sorry. I hate when I overlook little details like that. I’ll recap: one person eats a cockroach and all four people in your party get to move to the front of the line, any time.

I wonder how many different bugs, slugs and other living things the Six Flags marketing staff considered before going with the Madagascar Hissing Cockroach? They probably didn’t consider snails since they are already a delicacy throughout the world. Bees and wasps sting and people are allergic to that, slugs bubble too easily when salt is applied and worms cost too much because fisherman who want to use them keep driving the prices up by purchasing them at bait shops rather than digging for them. Raw fish would just be considered sushi and there’s nothing daring about that, beetles fly too well and caterpillars are too juicy. Besides when it can be advertised that something is from Madagascar and hisses, it drives the exotic factor up so high that the marketing folks really have no other choice.

It’s really a spectacular deal. You don’t have to pay any more for this privilege and you don’t have to show up at your favorite ride at a specific time. Of course you have to sign a waiver that I imagine indemnifies Six Flags from being responsible for things like your stomach falling apart, horrible mental trauma from reliving what you ate, intestinal problems that could plague you for the rest of your life and I presume your death. But really, what’s the harm in losing any financial or medical assistance from Six Flags forever when they are allowing you to move to the front of any ride’s line that you wish? After all, no one forced you to eat the cockroach.

10 comments:

ShadowFalcon said...

Dude cockroaches have rights!

Wait a sec, nope they don't...um thrill seeker eating the only bug on the planet I hate ...carry on

Odat said...

They're probably crunchy...people like crunch!

mist1 said...

My favorite pet store, before it went out of business, sold the Hissing Roach. I wonder why they went out of business.

lee said...

I seriously thought you had made this up! I am disturbed beyond reason that it is indeed true.

thethinker said...

I read that in the paper this morning!

I live for roller coasters and amusement parks, so as gross as it may be, I'd probably do it.

Meloncutter said...

I purty much would rather eat one of them there hissin critters than a danged mongolian crotch cricket.
Them sumbitches taste like old fish.

Later Yall.

Kevin said...

Wow. I'd give anything to have seen how that idea was born.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Few things in life are worth waiting in line for. And I can't think of what those are.

Do they serve them on a bruschetta?

Irene Tuazon said...

Aha! Another loony blog! I love it. c",)

PARLANCHEQ said...

Fear Factor meets Six Flags - Gross! I'm afraid I would be the one at the back of the line who never gets to go on any rides because all the bug-eating folks keep cutting.