Repost Sunday: What's All That White Dust On Your Bible?

I rerun some of my older posts on Sundays as a way to highlight stories that you may have missed. Just think of it as 'thought recycling' and a day off. This was originally posted August 10, 2006 and I can't think of a more appropriate Sunday entry than this.

I am certainly no theologian, but the following story has to be a textbook way to get excluded from heaven.

An Indiana woman was charged with smuggling coke (and I don’t mean the soft drink known worldwide as The Real Thing) to her husband in jail by hiding it in 2 bibles. The cocaine was hidden, obviously not very well, in the spines of the bibles. It is my assumption that correctional officers became suspicious as they repeatedly saw the inmate sniffing the Good Books.

“We thought nothing of it and that maybe he just liked the smell of old books the first time we observed our inmate sniffing his bibles,” said correctional officer Buford T. Justice. “About the 15th or 20th time, we thought there might be more to it,” he added.

“When we more closely examined the 2 good books, I thought it was kind of odd that it had Splenda all over it,” said officer Justice. “Fortunately our ole tick hound ‘Red’ caught the scent and helped us stop this awful and sacrilegious drug trafficking.”

The saddest part of the story is that the mother of three was sentenced to six months in jail for two charges of trafficking with an inmate. If only she had used just one bible. Her husband is serving a sentence for a misdemeanor so there’s probably a pretty good chance that she’ll end up serving longer than he will.

This type of attempted smuggling has correctional institutions across the country on heightened alert. It will no doubt have huge repercussions for regulating future inmate visitations. After all, imagine what size shiv could be hidden inside a copy of War and Peace.