Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me? Also Known As…How Hot Is It?

Yes it was hot this summer, again. It’s nothing new to many parts of the globe, but according to scientists in a story from MSNBC.com, even the poles are feeling the heat. I’m not talking about the Polish citizenry, as I have no idea how they are personally feeling; I am referring to the North and South poles.

According to the story, as the air gets warmer and the ice at the poles melt, the white reflective snow is replaced by darker heat and light absorbing land. It’s a fascinating concept, unless you happen to live at either end of the globe. I guess ole Santa and his elves better invest in some cargo shorts because the earth’s warming is approaching its highest level in a million years.

Two areas of the United States have been singled out as contributing factors to the dangerous warming levels. For some unknown reason there exists extremely hot air pockets above both Hollywood in California and the U.S. Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. Each location represents an increase of .08 degrees to the earth’s overall temperature.

“I don’t know why so much hot air is confined over these relatively small geographic areas,” said one of the scientists. “There are entire continents that don’t contribute that much. It’s almost like people are spewing the hot air out of their mouths or something, but we’re really at a loss to explain it,” she added.

While the very real threat of global warming is a serious, if not scary reality, there are some entrepreneurial spirits that welcome the higher temperatures. Clothing manufactures are looking forward to higher short and skirt sales, which require less material to be purchased or manufactured, thus increasing profits. Jimmy Buffett and The Beach Boys are anticipating higher sales of older albums (excuse me, CDs) as many formerly “cold” parts of the world learn to adapt to and embrace higher temperatures and the island spirit.

Marlin Sketcher and Pete “Salty Dog” McMurtry of Barnacle Billy’s Deep Sea Cruisers in Helena, Montana are ecstatic about the rising water levels in oceans across the globe. They specialize in custom ocean fishing boats and fiberglass yachts. Their sales have been low since opening their business 25 years ago.

“Maybe it’s because we built a shipyard in a landlocked state. I guess that’s what happens when you celebrate winning the lottery by buying 15 rounds at the local bar,” said McMurtry. “This more water thing will really help us out in the long run. I just hope we’re still around when the oceans reach Montana.”

All hope about ending global warming is not gone yet, however. As with any great catastrophe, celebrities are stepping to the forefront to create awareness and lend their financial support to the global warming problem. A televised fundraising concert titled “Chill Baby: Time To Cool Down” will be aired (during TV Sweeps of course) on all major networks in November. On Thursday morning, Virgin founder and CEO Richard Branson pledged three billion dollars to fight the global warming problem. In a slightly unrelated story, Virgin Airlines announced late Thursday afternoon that it will be raising their ticket prices by $957.00 per ticket.