Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me? Also Known As…How Hot Is It?

Yes it was hot this summer, again. It’s nothing new to many parts of the globe, but according to scientists in a story from MSNBC.com, even the poles are feeling the heat. I’m not talking about the Polish citizenry, as I have no idea how they are personally feeling; I am referring to the North and South poles.

According to the story, as the air gets warmer and the ice at the poles melt, the white reflective snow is replaced by darker heat and light absorbing land. It’s a fascinating concept, unless you happen to live at either end of the globe. I guess ole Santa and his elves better invest in some cargo shorts because the earth’s warming is approaching its highest level in a million years.

Two areas of the United States have been singled out as contributing factors to the dangerous warming levels. For some unknown reason there exists extremely hot air pockets above both Hollywood in California and the U.S. Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. Each location represents an increase of .08 degrees to the earth’s overall temperature.

“I don’t know why so much hot air is confined over these relatively small geographic areas,” said one of the scientists. “There are entire continents that don’t contribute that much. It’s almost like people are spewing the hot air out of their mouths or something, but we’re really at a loss to explain it,” she added.

While the very real threat of global warming is a serious, if not scary reality, there are some entrepreneurial spirits that welcome the higher temperatures. Clothing manufactures are looking forward to higher short and skirt sales, which require less material to be purchased or manufactured, thus increasing profits. Jimmy Buffett and The Beach Boys are anticipating higher sales of older albums (excuse me, CDs) as many formerly “cold” parts of the world learn to adapt to and embrace higher temperatures and the island spirit.

Marlin Sketcher and Pete “Salty Dog” McMurtry of Barnacle Billy’s Deep Sea Cruisers in Helena, Montana are ecstatic about the rising water levels in oceans across the globe. They specialize in custom ocean fishing boats and fiberglass yachts. Their sales have been low since opening their business 25 years ago.

“Maybe it’s because we built a shipyard in a landlocked state. I guess that’s what happens when you celebrate winning the lottery by buying 15 rounds at the local bar,” said McMurtry. “This more water thing will really help us out in the long run. I just hope we’re still around when the oceans reach Montana.”

All hope about ending global warming is not gone yet, however. As with any great catastrophe, celebrities are stepping to the forefront to create awareness and lend their financial support to the global warming problem. A televised fundraising concert titled “Chill Baby: Time To Cool Down” will be aired (during TV Sweeps of course) on all major networks in November. On Thursday morning, Virgin founder and CEO Richard Branson pledged three billion dollars to fight the global warming problem. In a slightly unrelated story, Virgin Airlines announced late Thursday afternoon that it will be raising their ticket prices by $957.00 per ticket.


thethinker said...

" It’s almost like people are spewing the hot air out of their mouths or something"

I know the perfect solution!

Invest in some breath mints for those Californians and Washingtonians(?). We can't let bad breath destroy the ozone layer any longer.

Odat said...

Yeah, too much hot air around, I agree....but I, for one, will miss the cold weather...;-( .
Funny stuff! (Do you write for the Onion by any chance?) If not, you should!
Oh, and I won't be surprised if 'Virgin Air raises its prices...after all , we all pay in the end......

Michael C said...

Thinker: Great idea. How about some Altoids? They're curiously strong you know.

Odat: I would love to write for the onion and would love to do some sketch comedy writing someday, but need to figure out how ;-(

Until then I'll keep plugging away here at my little blog.

Irene Tuazon said...

In times of blistering heat, there's no better place to be than in the breathtakingly beautiful beaches of my country. You should visit one of these days.

There. I've done my bit to promote Philippine tourism! HAHA! c",)

Michael C said...

Irene: I saw the photos of your country on your blog and I'm on my way!!

ian said...

Yay, global warming!

Screw the future, I'm cold now!


Lizza said...

Oh, so that's the reason for the inexplicably hot summer season this year, even in places where it shouldn't have been so hot.

Can you guys tape half of the Hollywood and DC population's mouths shut next summer then? In the interest of public health and comfort.

ShadowFalcon said...

The heat won't last, we are already heading to another ice age in order for the earth to recover...

I think its time to move planets, this one it toast.

Pickled Olives said...

Gotta love landlocked ship yards!!! Those are some bright boys there!

mist1 said...

Um, it's freaking 55 degrees this morning. Check your facts. This whole "global warming" thing is clearly a hoax.

Richard Branson is just trying to drum up publicity for his next reality tv show called "Melt That Ice Cap."

ChiefMommy Owl said...

I'll only watch the televised special if its hosted by Sean Penn. That Sean Penn is a real man of the people.

Landlocked shipyards - you made me spew my gingerale.

Code Word: akpskf-same to ya!


Like mist, I could use some global warming right about now. It was freezing here today. (OK, not literally, but it was damn cold.) I absolutely refuse to turn on the heat before October; November if I can stand it.