Sunday, September 03, 2006

Repost Sunday: To Boldly Go Where No Remains Have Gone Before

I rerun some of my older posts on Sundays as a way to highlight stories that you may have missed. Just think of it as 'thought recycling' and a day off. This was originally posted July 25, 2006.

What an appropriate end for the remains of James Doohan. He’s better known as Scotty from Star Trek and passed away last year. In October, he’ll make his final trip. It’s safe to say that there will be no graveside service; he’s going up…to space. His family has contracted with a company called Space Services to be blasted (not beamed) into space. He won’t be alone as there will be about 100 fellow passengers on his final flight. Among the passengers will be former astronaut Gordon Cooper.

Now what legally constitutes ‘remains’ remains a mystery to me. I’d prefer to not even guess. Maybe a pathologist or crime scene investigator could tell us. The remains of Scotty and his co-pilots will orbit the earth until the container, or technically satellite if it's in orbit, falls back to earth and burns up on re-entry many moons from now. I guess the advantage of having Scotty on board is that he’ll be “givin’ ya all she’s got” which must be good for a few extra years of orbits out of the container. A measly regular capsule without Scotty would surely fall prey to earth’s orbit much quicker than Scotty’s!

My biggest concern about all of this is whether or not it’s something James Doohan really wanted to have done after he passed away. For the sake of this article, we’ll just pretend he did. I probably can’t say the same thing for Ted Williams. Blasting deceased folks’ remains into space opens up a whole new era of burial options and memorial services. It’d pretty cool to have a major rocket launched in the middle of your funeral, I’d imagine. Although I doubt the mortuary folks are quaking in their boots yet.

If this pattern of non-traditional burials continues, I might have to change my final will and jump on the bandwagon. I mean who wants to be buried six feet under with a view of the San Bernardino Mountains? Well ok, I did. Perhaps my ‘remains’ (with the exception of my cleft chin) can be put in a container and into a NASCAR stock car during the Daytona 500. I just hope whoever’s car I end up in doesn’t crash. That might not be so pretty…or sanitary. At least my ashes could be used as speedy-dry.


meloncutter said...

Most likely, I will die before my spouse, because I will want to. As the old story goes,,,,,

After she gets the life insurance money and buys the mink coat I could never afford to get her, and after she gets the new car I could never afford to get her, and after she gets the new diamond brooch that I could never afford to get her, she will buy the new air compressor that I could never afford to get me.

She will then take my ashes and thank me for having insurance and her being able to get all the things she wanted. Then the will take the air compressor and tell me "you know that blow job you always wanted.... here it comes.

Lizza said...

What an interesting idea, unusual burials. Which NASCAR driver's car do you want your urn to grace?

I'm thinking that every year, on my death anniversary, my friends should get together and each should sniff a pinch of my ashes up their nostril.

That way, I'd still be truly part of their lives. :-D

P.S. And LOL! at meloncutter's "blow job."

Odat said...

This will give flying space debris a new definition.
I always wanted my ashes to be buried under the giant Sequoia trees out that way...this way I would become part of the tree (my hippie thoughts arising once again)....
and I'm roflmao at Melon!! Poor guy!


Michael C said...

Melon: If you're wife has her way, I will skip your ash ceremony. I'm sure you can understand why.

Lizza: Definitely Dale Earnhardt Jr's

Odat: A giant Sequoia sounds a lot better then my idea!


Thought recycling, I like that!

I was going to come up with something witty to say about space burial, but after reading meloncutter's comment, I am laughing too hard to think straight. :)

ShadowFalcon said...

Ahhh Captain I donnae think we can bury him...

Poor Scotty.

Michael C said...

Thanks parlancheq!

Shadow: poor Scotty indeed.