Monday, September 25, 2006

4-Legged Chicken Has Restaurants Seeing Double (Profits).

A 4-legged chicken was recently found pecking around with its 30,000 closest feathered friends at a farm in Pennsylvania. The legs appear to serve no purpose so the chicken just drags them around (no mean husband jokes about that please). The chicken is as healthy as the rest of the farm’s poultry and the farm’s owners say it’s the first 4-legged chicken they have seen.

The discovery could have major implications for the fast food industry. The cause of the deformity is not known, but scientists are being employed by several eateries specializing in chicken to find out.

The chicken restaurants have joined together to create and finance a research co-op called FOWL, Food Opportunities With Legs, to pay scientists to conduct a genetic study of the 4-legged chicken. FOWL hopes to get a leg up on the competition by breeding more of the multi-limbed birds. A small amount of DNA was taken from the unique fowl in an effort to replicate the gene that is responsible for the extra pair of legs.

“Can you imagine the profit we could make if every chicken bred for food purposes had an extra set of legs,” asked a member of the co-op. “We could increase the amount of drumsticks we could sell, which we all know is the part of the chicken everyone prefers to eat, and we would not have to raise more chicken to do it,” he added.

“I used to conduct research to find a cure for cancer. Now I’m figuring out how to create an army of freak chickens. Why God, why,” lamented one of FOWL’s scientists. “At least I can now buy that summer home in The Hampstons with what they’re paying me.”

FOWL officials say that the increase yield in of DPC (drumsticks per chicken) could double their profits if the research is successful and the scientists don’t lay an egg. Animal rights activists across the country are crying fowl (I mean foul, sorry) about creating chickens with extra legs. In response, the officials say it’s better they genetically alter chickens to have more legs, which are body parts they already naturally have, than create chickens that grow something called nuggets. They also argue that it’s not like they’re cloning sheep and that their scientists are merely “augmenting” the chicken, which is something human women have been doing to themselves for years.

If the gene responsible for the second set of legs can be found, the turkey industry may also follow suit so that the chicken restaurants are not the only ones gobbling up the extra profit that figures to be made.

9 comments:

Odat said...

Very, very funny! I saw that in the paper yesterday and thought you might do something on it..glad you did...lol.
And ah...the possibilities, if only the research can expand to the human realm.... ;-)

Peace!

Meloncutter said...

It's a little know fact that in certain areas of Nevada these 4 legged chickens run wild. There is a thriving herd(?) of them. They were first noticed in the late 40's. They are as elusive as bigfoot and this may be the first one in captivity. They are fast.
Really Fast. With four legs, no one has been able to catch one.

Later Yall....

thethinker said...

That's hilarious, but I don't see myself eating drumsticks in the near future.

Ra Ra Ra Bunggio said...

I reposted this post on my blog... I think I'll stick to only slightly mutated beef for now.

ShadowFalcon said...

Come on this isn't news KFC have been cooking mutant chickens for years!

mist1 said...

Every time I'm in the grocery store and I see those packs of a million wings, I always wonder what happened to the rest of the chicken. Now I have an answer.

Awesome Mom said...

I thought fourlegged chickens were called rabbits. Who knew? I hate drumsticks any way so I think that this would be a step down in evolution.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

The mother must have been on acid.

Does this mean that I'm going to have to buy a bigger roasting pan for Thanksgiving?

PARLANCHEQ said...

Hmm, while they're at it, could they work on creating chickens that only have drumsticks and boneless breasts? Those are really the only chicken parts I like.