Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Annual Christmas Letter

We all hate them, we all mock them and some of us actually take the time to write them. It’s the annual bragging Christmas letter, that we send to family and other people we want to feel superior to. I present to you this year’s edition of the Christmas card letter as written from a wife’s point of view:

Dear Friends, Family and Enemies:

Wow, I can’t believe another year has come and gone. It seems like just last year at this time I was writing our Christmas letter. It’s been another amazing year for the family and while I haven’t bothered to take the time to call or even email many of you, you all have been on our minds and more importantly, in our hearts. I hope your 2007 has been as wonderful, splendid, fantastic and terrific (not to mention busy, he he,he,) as ours has.

We were so lucky to be able to begin the year with the birth of our 10th child Annabelle, or as I like to call her, Annabellicious (I keep telling hubby that just two more will make it an even dozen). She was born a beautiful girl and all the doctors say that she was the prettiest baby they had ever seen. It’s been just under a year and she can already do fractions.

Of course the twins Niles and Frasier continue to be little rascals. Who knows what they will get into next. Why just last week I caught them eating whip cream right out of the can. I mean really, can you just imagine. They’re so naughty, but I guess that’s what you get with boys. Stuart entered the 6th grade this fall and he is already doing calculus. His teacher says he’s the brightest boy he’s ever taught and he was elected school president. Susie made the cheerleading squad again and is dating the quarterback. She also got the lead in the school production of ‘Grease.’ Unfortunately we thought it a little to risqué so she decided to take a knitting class.

Harold has been an alter boy at every single mass this year and he scored the winning goal at this year’s soccer championships. Lucy’s got the lead in the community ballet and she continues to volunteer at the retirement home. Phil is a junior this year and is already applying to Harvard (I like to say he’s got ivy in his veins). Amanda just learned how to walk and Freddie is scheduled to go up in the space shuttle next year.

You’d think I had my hands full with the kids, but I also found time to donate a wing to the hospital, sew blankets for the orphanage and volunteer (again) for the church carnival. You can imagine husband’s surprise when I returned from Kenya last month with our newly adopted son. I just don’t know where I get my strength. Maybe it’s from those yellow pills in the bathroom. Oops, I guess the cat is out of the bag on that ditty.

How about husband you ask? Well, he’s been ok. The firm was doing so well that he started a second one. Husband outsourced some of the phone operators to Liechtenstein and with the money the firm saved, we built a library solely devoted to the works of Dr. Seuss and Jack Kerouac. He finally got the roof up on the ranch in Kauai and the cottage in Vale should be done next spring. I’m just glad he found the time to attend all the kids’ special events. I can’t believe he had to build our 15th bookshelf for all the awards they keep winning!

Well, enough about us. As you can tell, it’s been another hectic but quiet year. I keep hoping we’ll have exciting news to share one of these years, but I guess for now we should call ourselves the Ho-Hums. We’re just so relieved that Lucy’s surgery went well and now we can all celebrate the holidays together at the castle in Scotland. We want to wish you a wonderful holiday season and we’ll try to think about calling all of you upon our return, in February!

P.S. the dog had puppies again. I guess we really should put her in at night. Oh, I know I’m being just awful.

18 comments:

AndreAnna said...

Those little yellow pills were fantastic! Ooopps.

Lemon Stand said...

LOL! That sounds remarkably like someone I know! :o)

katherine. said...

sounds just like last years....

FRIGGA said...

;-)

Odat said...

Oh how I hate these things!!!
We used to receive some from some of our relatives...My brother and I used to make one up and sneak mail it out....lol....no wonder they all felt sorry for my Mom....
Peace

meleah rebeccah said...

THIS post......is a STRONG 2nd to "The Perfect Post."

Hi-LAR-ious

kat said...

Oh god - I know people who actually SERIOUSLY send letters like this out. Every year. Their kids are the smartest, most scoringist, most precocious kids, the husband works the hardest, and the wife is a devoted volunteer to everything and everyone.

SOMEONE PASS ME A BUCKET!

Candace said...

LOL! Am I the only one who actually likes reading them? But, yeah, if I do bother to write one, I try not to brag. ^_^

I like yours best. Maybe I'll do that this year. Or just tell about really stupid stuff that happened to us. ^_^

Nah. Who am I kidding? I'll never be on the ball enough to get anything out by Christmas. . .

Heart Of Darkness said...

Oy, vey - you're so precious! :)

TIV: the individual voice said...

We did a joke one once that was all the bad things that allegedly happened to us that year. Wish I could find it. Pre-computer files. Lost somewhere in our house. Might have to write it from scratch. Very inspirational for the holiday season. Thanks!

Mimzie said...

How much would I love to punch this entire family out? One by one. Line up bitches!

notfearingchange said...

LMAO...

my family is too concentrated on not hating that we don't bother bragging...Lmao....

That letter was hillarious!

chefmom said...

I came here to your blog on the recommendation of Meleah....and I am so glad I did! That is one of THE funniest things I've ever read. I hate getting those letters! If you don't have time to tell what's going on in your world, when it's happening...then I really don't care....that's my theory!!

Leslie said...

Hysterical. Thanks for the laugh.

Ingrid said...

I laughed, then remembered I have received letters like that, with star athletes, blended families and marriage ceremonies atop Enchanted Rock, and threw up in my mouth.

Chris in Oxford said...

My Mom was the queen of those things. But for a couple of years there while both my sister and I were sowing our wild oats she actually stopped doing them because she couldn't even exaggerate it enough to make it sound good.

Don't know how I found your site, but I'm glad I did. Good witty writing.

All the best,

Chris

TC said...

I could fall in love with you over this post. This is the funniest thing I have ever read. I've been making fun of "Christmas Letters" for years and have written many faux letters in my day... but, this one takes the cake. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

sexy said...

情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,A片,A片,情色,A片,A片,情色,A片,A片,情趣用品,A片,情趣用品,A片,情趣用品,a片,情趣用品A片,A片,AV女優,色情,成人,做愛,情色,AIO,視訊聊天室,SEX,聊天室,自拍,AV,情色,成人,情色,aio,sex,成人,情色免費A片,美女視訊,情色交友,免費AV,色情網站,辣妹視訊,美女交友,色情影片,成人影片,成人網站,H漫,18成人,成人圖片,成人漫畫,情色網,日本A片,免費A片下載,性愛情色文學,色情A片,A片下載,色情遊戲,色情影片,色情聊天室,情色電影,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊聊天室,一葉情貼圖片區,情色視訊,免費成人影片,視訊交友,視訊聊天,言情小說,愛情小說,AV片,A漫,AVDVD,情色論壇,視訊美女,AV成人網,成人交友,成人電影,成人貼圖,成人小說,成人文章,成人圖片區,成人遊戲,愛情公寓,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色小說,成人論壇av女優,av,av片,aio交友愛情館,ut聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室,色情聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080聊天室,視訊聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,上班族聊天室,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,一夜情聊天室,情色聊天室,情色視訊A片,A片,A片下載,做愛,成人電影,.18成人,日本A片,情色小說,情色電影,成人影城,自拍,情色論壇,成人論壇,情色貼圖,情色,免費A片,成人,成人網站,成人圖片,AV女優,成人光碟,色情,色情影片,免費A片下載,SEX,AV,色情網站,本土自拍,性愛,成人影片,情色文學,成人文章,成人圖片區,成人貼圖