Friday, November 23, 2007

I’m One Of The Ones You Hate This Time Of Year

I feel I can finally write this now as Thanksgiving has passed. I like Christmas. There, I said it. I like Christmas so much that I was guilty of looking at Christmas lights earlier this week. Although, here’s food for thought: am I the one to be hated for starting to celebrate Christmas so early or should the real bottle of Hater-aide be saved for the folks who are putting up the lights and decorations early? Answer: don’t hate any of them. Hate should be saved for evil dictators, the rivals of our favorite sports teams and the high school quarterback and head cheerleader. Ok, and Richard Simmons. And Barney, depending on your age. Darth Vader was evil, but he was cool so that doesn’t count.

I actually put up my Christmas tree last weekend. However, I didn’t decorate it. I did that Wednesday night and I put up the house lights yesterday before Thanksgiving dinner. When one of our local radio stations in LA switched to 24/7 Christmas music (as they do every year) last Friday, I felt putting up the tree was OK. I tried to keep the erection of the tree (whoa, that sounds bad) on the down-low until after we all had consumed mass amounts of turkey, stuffing and holiday ads. The only problem with this is that Lucy and Ethel wanted to keep walking out into the front yard every night this week to see the lit tree through the front window. Doing this exposed our early tree erecting (sorry, can’t think of a better word) to the rest of our neighbors. I guess I didn’t help the situation when I took to quoting from perhaps my favorite movie (A Christmas Story) by yelling ‘You should see it from out here…’). For the record, I will be yelling the same thing Thanksgiving night when I get out my other Christmas necessity, my very own leg lamp replica from ‘A Christmas Story.’

Since I am baring my soul (or sole since I am barefoot while writing this) as a Christmas freak, I feel I should tell you that my birthday is Christmas Eve (did you get that, December 24th). You can email me for my address for those of you wishing to send cards…or gifts…or hate mail (I’m an equal opportunity blogger). I think this date predisposes me to an unnatural enjoyment of the holiday season. I also feel this is the appropriate time to tell everyone in blogsville that I have a Christmas t-shirt collection. Yep, you heard right. I have Rudolphs, Christmas Stories, Charlie Browns, Elf Tossing and a few others, including one for ‘hard, sticky candy canes’ (or something like that) that often makes me think I am wearing a huge double entendre on my chest.

So yeah, I think I have gotten off the point here with this post a bit, but I am one of those people that is more than willing to celebrate Christmas early. I am one of THOSE people. However, I know I do not suffer alone and I know there are others. I have always assumed I was not the only one afflicted but found out for sure when cruising THE street for Christmas light looking in our town. Every house goes way overboard so that you can hear power lines sparking and crackling for miles in every direction. I am waiting for Google Earth to post a satellite photo of it. At 9PM on a Monday night, some of these home owners were outside working on their displays and some of the houses were already done! I felt like stopping by to congratulate them but didn’t want to reveal myself as the true idiot I am looking at Christmas lights 4 days before Thanksgiving.

Though I have found a new business venture for me whenever my employer realizes how useless I am to them. Did you know that guys in trucks who own ladders are now letting people pay them to string up their Christmas lights? It would be the perfect job for me! Doing nothing but hanging Christmas lights for money? Seriously? I’m literally speechless and motionless at the possibilities. People, this is more exciting to me than my recent idea of writing a script for my latest TV show idea ‘Porta-Johnny’ about a guy named Johnny who time travels whenever he sits in a portapotty (well, the writers ARE on strike. I’m just trying to help them out). Let’s be honest, I would pay people to let me put up THEIR Christmas lights. But actually GETTING money for it? Holy cow, that rocks!!!

Since this is the first of my Christmas posts for the year, you are probably wondering what I want this Christmas. Well, let’s just say I have already started dropping hints ala Ralphie Parker and his Red Ryder BB Gun. I want a deep fryer this year.

‘You know, Wal-Mart is selling a great deep fryer’
‘I just saw an ad for a deep fryer at Target’
‘With all this counter space, I think the kitchen needs a deep fryer’
‘Well if we had a deep fryer, we could have had fried cheese sticks with dinner’
‘You want to know what a deep fried Snickers Bar tastes like? Well, if we had a deep fryer, you would know.’

You know, just subtle hints, nothing too over the top. Yep, the Christmas season is finally upon us. Let’s just see how many times I’ll hear the phrase ‘You’ll fry your eyes out' this year.

Yeah, I know. That was a crappy punch line, but hey, cut me some slack. I’m busy cutting out ads for deep fryers…


CS said...

I wait until December 1st, but then there is no stopping me. I LOVE Christmas. I'm plannign to go get a tree on the 1st and will decorate it that weekend, we'll be playing lots of Christmas music, and so on. It's a magical time.

Odat said...

I just got back from walking my lil dog around the neighborhood. As I was out I was saying to myself: "Self, what's up with these nuts who are out there decorating their houses already for Christmas"....then I come back in and read your blog. Oh I know you love Christmas, but I also know you're nuts...but that's ok, I still like ya. ;-)

Tink said...

Pan would be putting it tomorrow if I let him. He has a birthday on December 4, just 20 days shy of the Eve, but the day years ago when Frosty would play. He always thought the show was written just for him. Guess I'm just a grinch as I would prefer to wait until Chrsitmas Eve to put up the tree. Twas how it was done at our house. Kids go to bed. Tree goes up and presents come out. Kids get up the next morning to a living room transformed into a fairy land. Much more magical I think. But then I remember Macy in Memphis' Santa trek too.

Hope you and yours had a grand turkey day. We did although a lot of traveling was involved. As well as too much wine, LOL.

meleah rebeccah said...


Do you really have the leg lamp from the movie "A Christmas Story" ???

okay now I have to go read the whole post. I was temporarily distracted with insane really have THAT lamp.

meleah rebeccah said...





(Im about to need a bar of soap in my mouth)

[insert flames on the side of my face filled with envy]

(but before I start quoting lines from the greatest movie ever made...back to reading this post)

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh yeah...thast right you share my the same birthday as my father.

Im glad you are wishing for the deep fryer (rather than the "Ralphie Parker and his Red Ryder BB Gun."... I have a feeing YOU'D shoot your eye out.)

ps... "Ralphie Ralphie, I cant put my arms down"

brandy said...

Ahh, I was waiting for this post to come into the world (and for the Christmas Eve b-day mention, I remember you telling me this before, in fact- will it make your day to know that I have it written down?). I'm fine with people setting up Christmas lights early, or buying gifts early. I just don't like how the second Halloween ends, every shopper turns into a super aggressive person willing to sacrifice their own child to get the last Bratz doll. That, I do not like.

Michael C said...

Cs: Yeah, I should probably wait. But I just can't!!

Odat: Was that a compliment?? ;-)

Tink: Here, we have 'whine.'

Meleah: I think I should watch that movie right now!!!

Bran: Yes, it very much made my day!

Airam said...

Nothing to be ashamed of! I love Christmas ... it's my favourite holiday!

armalicious said...

Christmas is the best! One of our stations went to Christmas music 24/7 on Nov. 1. And yeah, I started listening to it off and on. And I have started keeping tally of how many times I've heard Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas" (I'm at 25 already) and Wham's "Last Christmas (Surprisingly, I've only heard this once...last year I heard it every. single. day).

Anyway, my tree went up yesterday because we had to go out and buy new stuff for it. Otherwise it would have been up earlier.

Oh...and how jealous am I that you have a replica of that lamp???? I love it! And you're a better decorator than I am. Fo sho.

kat said...

"Erection of the tree"???

Almost makes me want to start celebrating Christmas!!!!

FRIGGA said...

Oh oh oh, now I'm all excited about Christmas! The more blog reading I do this week the more I feel I must purchase a Christmas tree this weekend. :P