Saturday, September 08, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 9/8/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. Yes, I realize it's Sunday, but I really don't need any heckling today. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier.

! I learned that when I get home from work and run outside to see my Golden Retriever Mabel and I find myself kneeling on the ground as she is excitedly running towards me, that I should never again just 'sit there and she if she'll stop,' because she won't and then I end up getting Dino'd like Fred Flintstone and get knocked off my feet like Marty in Back To The Future when he turns his high powered guitar amp up way too high.

! I learned that 2 cups of coffee and a 16 ounce Mountain Dew should never be consumed prior to driving 180 miles round trip to the middle of nowhere. And by the middle of nowhere, I mean where they apparently do not have plumbing sufficient enough to supply a restroom with water.

! I learned that when shooting Nerf guns at work, aim is of the essence. I also learned that when said Nerf dart is accidentally launched over our cubicles and into the lobby, running away only proves guilt.

! I learned that when at the Olive Garden (The OG) and people stare at me every time the waiter brings me another bowl of pasta, that the stares are not stares of amazement or honoUr. I'm also wondering why after I consumed a certain amount that my picture was not put on the wall and my meal was not given to me for free like at those steak places when some dude downs the 44 ounce Lumber Jack Special. And no, I have never tried that.

! I learned that walking Lucy and Ethel up the toy aisle at Target fully aware that their 5th birthday is only two weeks away is quite possibly the dumbest thing I have ever done. Ok, well maybe not as dumb as telling people I bought Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits...like recently. Very recently.

! I learned that if I show up to work two days in a row and walk into my boss' office more than once during those two days that I will be branded a Kiss A$$ . I also learned that the only way to shake this label is to go back to showing up late and playing 'Take This Job And Shove It' too loudly. You'd be surprised how well that works!

And lastly,

! I learned that there is no way to recover any dignity when you accidentally walk into a filing cabinet at work because you are busy trying to look at a cute new female in the office, especially when Female Coworker witnesses the entire thing.


****I have recorded a new podcast. If you wish to damage your ears forever, then click here at your own risk****

****Remember to get get your questions to me for Q and A Tuesday. I'll beg if I have to!!****

24 comments:

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

When my brother and sisters were about two, I would play a game with them where I would sit at the end of the hallway and they would run straight at me at full speed and knock me over. The loved it! The dog thing reminded me of that.

Michael C said...

Silver: I play a simliar game with the twins called 'knock daddy over.' Only difference: they don't weigh 85 pounds like the dog does ;-)

Aislínge said...

I learned a lesson this week, too. When I was sending out an e-mail looking for coverage, because of my back, I sent this:

"I've been given the red liht t wrk and ride until Fridy. I sholdbe bi to the otheropof"

Lesson: do not take hydromorphone and Carisoprodol on an empty stomach and then about 45 minutes later send out an e-mail to your squad. Clearly that was not English. It wasn't any language... And it went out to the WHOLE squad!

A bitter and embarrassing lesson indeed!

Odat said...

I learned not to yell at a co-worker who was sending a message on his blackberry while we were walking on the street, least you trip and fall on your hands and knees...(again)...yup.("I fall down, but i get up again.....")
Good lessons Michael..lol....(i'll have to wait to listen to your podcast (I'm at dumb dial up!)
Peace

R2K said...

Funny stuff

Candace said...

OMG with the CDs. ARE you MUNKi just blogging without telling me? I guess not, because Lucy and Ethel don't sound like Prawn.

You can't ask people for talking points? Yes you can! Of course you can! Who said you can't? It's your blog, Dude. You can do whatever the hell you want.

Your Reagan impression rocks!

Hey, what would happen if you brought a Nerf bazooka into work and shot your boss with it? I bet that would get you off the brownnoser list pretty fast, too.

So sorry to hear about the filing cabinet incident. But it really is funny. ^_^

Candace said...

I tried to comment on your audio page but it seemed to not like me. It was cool being able to hear the Mini Yous. :)

I, too, had no idea that could cheat on an eating establishment. Imagine if you went in there smelling of the "other woman's" cooking!

CrystalChick said...

OMG... I have 'Ultimate Manilow' and when the end of Track 3 ...Could It Be Magic... is blaring and I'm passionately singing 'Come, come, come into my arms... baby I want you..... well, thank goddess no one has jumped out of their car at a red light to comply.

Michael C said...

Aislinge: Now THAT is funny!!

Odat: That is very caring of you. I'd expect nothing less.

R2K: Thanks!

Candace: I like the idea of a NERF bazooka. I wonder if parking lot security would see me as a risk as I approach the building with my bright multi-colored bazooka though. The filing cabinet is actually slightly taller and much wider than I am. How do you not see something like that?

Glad you liked the mini-me's. Smelling of another woman's cooking? I love it!!

Crystalchick: At least you weren't at a stoplight singing Bandstand Boogie at the top of your lungs. Uh, not that I was...

Open Grove Claudia said...

Continuing in my goal of being the trophy wife, I learned that there's more to it than lip gloss. Oh, and most guys want to BE trophy wives not have them.

Legaleagle said...

Wow, it was an educational week. This week, I learned that if I'm given a few shots of tequila and a tambourine, dancing on the bar and playing said tambourine doesn't seem like a bad idea until you add the heels.

Michael C said...

Claudia: Most guys want to be the trophy wife? Hmmmmm. Really? Does it involve not having to work? I might sign up for that...

Legaleagle: I will only assume that I know how that education lesson ended.

Patti said...

Here a day late but the lessons are still valuable today.

I'm off to listen to your podcast. I was wondering if you were going to give us another chance to 'damage our ears forever.'

:-)

brandy said...

You mentioned my two great loves in one email- The Olive Garden and Barry Manilow. Well done. (Although can I say OG is a little less fun now that I can't eat the pasta??)

Michael C said...

Patti: Yeah, I tried to abandon the podcasts pretty quickly there, didn't I.

Brandy: Don't tease me with the props for 'The Barry.' Why do I like his music so much? He's like the bland Elton John. But I still dig on it!!!

Carrie said...

Do you actually get to shoot Nerf guns at work... because that's ballin'!

best bud's wife said...

First you were talking about a cute waitress you tipped well for her looks, and now walking into a file cab for another cutie? I think you owe Mrs. C an early Valentine's Day card!! BB would be on my list for admitting that sort of thing...
Q&A Question - "Where are my keys?"

Michael C said...

Carrie: Yes we do...when no one is looking ;-)

BB's Wife: I sacrifice and suffer greatly for my art.

Candace said...

You are aware, are you not, that Think Geek has a whole section devoted to Cube Warfare?

Michael C said...

Candace: You are a godsend! No, I was not aware of that but now know what I will be doing, I mean surfing, all day at work tomorrow! :D

Airam said...

Aww I think it's cute you walked into a filing cabinet!!!

I didn't learn anything this week except that I now love The Office with all my heart. Must listen to your podcast now.

Michael C said...

Airam: So I can out you in the laugh with, not laughing at crowd? Welcome to the fun that is The Office!!!!

meleah rebeccah said...

I leaned a whole new breed of crazy has been reading my blog, and handing out all kinds of advice, which forced me to shut the comments off!

But, your lessons seem much funner!

FRIGGA said...

I did the filing cabinet thing once - except I was 12 and it was a metal pole, luckily the cute boy didn't notice.

And I'm seriously bummed about the lack of celebration The OG had for your 4 bowls of pasta, you at least deserve a t-shirt or a free breadstick or something.

What version of Take This Job do you listen to? Mines the Dead Kennedy's and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who can hear it when I play it. ;-)