Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It’s A Mess O’Fun Wrapped In A Tortilla

The AP reported Sunday that Coney Island hot dog eating contest regular Eater-X won the world burrito eating championship. In 12 minutes he ate 10 ¾ burritos. One of his closest competitors was another hot dog perennial contenders and my personal hero, Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, the world lobster-eating champ. Come on, how did I miss that opportunity? I haven’t eaten a whole fresh (meaning non-frozen or just a tail from Costco) Maine-lobster since the summer of 2001. Give me the opportunity to compete today and I’d triple the world record. Then I would collapse and have to have my stomach pumped. Then I’d wake up and cry that I wasted so much lobster. I mean a good hard ‘I can’t believe they cancelled ‘Reba’ cry.’

Well, speaking of Maine (sorry segues were never my strong point), the burrito-eating contest was held in South Portland, Maine. Hmm, does that strike anyone else as the slightest, leastest (my word, but you can steal it) bit odd? Let’s see, Maine…of course there’s lobster, maybe chowda (that’s a regional dialect), maybe even natural casing hot dogs with spilt top buns, but burritos? I would think that would be held in one of the southwestern states like the one I currently reside in. Although now I am kind of curious about the taste of a Maine burrito. See, say it out loud. It doesn’t even sound right. Ok, not that I write my posts while speaking out loud…unless I’m having a problem with sentence structure. It would be like having a Gumbo eating contest in Needles, California or the Danish tourist town of Solvang, California. Or how about a Poi eating contest in South Dakota instead of Hawaii. Heck, how about lutefisk in Rhode Island? Whoa, I think I just found the theatrical companion piece to my musical ‘Nylons in Arizona’ – ‘Lutefisk in Rhode Island.’ Email me now and I’ll give you a percentage of the licensing, like little lutefisk shaped oven mitts.

Now, back to the burrito. Hey, I should write that down. It’s a got a nice ring to it, too. Well, maybe not. I’ve already written enough today. Can you imagine that many burritos in one sitting? Can you imagine more than one in one sitting? Gheesh, think about what that would do to the stomachal region (seriously, I saw that in a medical reference book…or maybe it was MASH…or Scrubs…it really doesn’t matter). Just think gastric blowout because that’s the nicest term I can come up with. I mean I just drank a spicy V8 and am feeling the effects!

Downing hot dogs and buns soaked with water is one thing, but downing whole burritos with rice and cheese and salsa is something entirely different. I’m assuming that elastic waistbands are necessary when attempting this type of feat. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be around the competitors after the competition as the body tries to process what was just forced into it. Just think about the noises, the…on second thought, never mind. I wonder if Eater X now makes everyone announce him as the World Burrito Eating Champion every time he enters a room in the same fashion that the President gets to hear Hail to the Chief every time he enters a room. I also wonder when Eater X is going to want to go out for Mexican food again. Something tells me it’s going to be awhile. At least I hope it’s awhile, as do those that have to spend time around him for the next few days.


Next time I’m in Maine I guess I can add burritos to the to-do list. Maybe they’ll put lobster in them! Though even if they do, I'm only eating one...

16 comments:

Patti said...

Lobsta burritos. Hmmm...a new taste sensation.
You could dip them in drawn butter.

Or maybe not.

I can hardly believe I'm first to comment! It's going to be a great day. ;-)

The Kimmer said...

Hi Michael - I'm baaaack!

Well, we do have the fish taco up here in New England, so maybe a lobster burrito would be just as yummy!

Also, have you ever heard of fried lobster tail? Basically you take the best part of the lobster, fry it in batter and THEN dip it in drawn butter. Does life really get any better than that? I think the only place that does it up here is the Weathervane.

Lastly, if you're ever in Framingham, MA - go to Acapolcos on Route 9. Best Darn Mexican (tm), ever!

Btw, what do you think about '88' vs '8'?

Kimmer

AndreAnna said...

Ok, now I want a lobster and a burrito, preferably not in the same meal.

Terri said...

I never put that together: burritos in Maine...that is weird; leave it up to you to point that out. I heard that it was like 12 pounds of food that person ate who won the contest. I can't imagine! Yuck.

Ralph said...

I don't know about a lobster burrito. I am a bit squeemish tho' about some fine shellfish, dripping with butter, being blended with refried beans and cheese. Sounds a bit yucky...

Although an open faced quesadilla with lobster meat in top of a fried tortilla might work just fine...

Crashdummie said...

I don't think I've ever eaten a burrito...or lobster! go figure

Open Grove Claudia said...

You know, of course, that lobsters have one of the most highly developed nervous systems on the planet - much more highly developed than human nervous systems. In fact, they use lobster in neurological studies because of their capacity to interpret stimulus and feel pain.

And we boil them alive.

They won't even sell them at Whole Foods anymore.

Nothing like a little morning guilt to get you going.

Odat said...

I can't even think about this stuff after just getting over food poisoning....Go back to your burritto ...and "leave" me out of it! (oh that was yesterday's joke!)

brandy said...

Yeah... Maine holding the contest is a bit weird. It's like... Alberta holding a rap contest. I've yet to find a rapper from my great province. Anyway, I think this might make you hate me, but I don't understand the point of food eating contests. I just don't. The idea that anyone would want to be famous for eating the most hotdogs just doesn't jive with me.

And yes, I just said jive.

Deal.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I feel sick just thinking of that.

Michael C said...

Patti: I think it's your first time to be first!!!

Kimmer: Welcome back!! I think I'm learning to accept the 88 and I love Mtn Dew...in fact, I went and bought a Mtn Dew t-shirt this weekend ;-)

AA: Yeah, separate but equal!

Terri: 12 pounds of burritos is just plain wrong!

Ralph: That sounds good!!!

Crash: That will have to be fixed!!

Claudia: It's a yummy kind of guilt...

Odat: it may have been yesterday's joke, but it's stil dang gum funny!!

Branalicious: I can so totally dig you saying jive!!!

Silver: sorry ;-)

Amy said...

I really want a burrito with lobster now for some reason . . . ;)

kat said...

I'm going with the gross on this comment. I would make sure that if I was attending a burrito eating contest I would go to the bathroom prior to the contest because I would not want to be in the bathroom after the contest.

There would just be too much tooting going on for me to handle. (TWSS).

kat said...

And i vote yes to lobster burritos. That sounds like heaven!

meleah rebeccah said...

burritos + Maine = bazaar.

I agree it would have been better suited in California or Texas, Arizona or somewhere out there....

FRIGGA said...

Why don't they have chocolate cake eating contests? That's something I'd totally rock at! :-0...