Sunday, September 16, 2007

Repost Sunday: 4-Legged Chicken Has Restaurants Seeing Double (Profits).

I rerun some of my older posts on Sundays as a way to highlight stories that you may have missed. Just think of it as 'thought recycling' and a day off, or that I am incredibly, incredibly lazy.


A 4-legged chicken was recently found pecking around with its 30,000 closest feathered friends at a farm in Pennsylvania. The legs appear to serve no purpose so the chicken just drags them around (no mean husband jokes about that please). The chicken is as healthy as the rest of the farm’s poultry and the farm’s owners say it’s the first 4-legged chicken they have seen.

The discovery could have major implications for the fast food industry. The cause of the deformity is not known, but scientists are being employed by several eateries specializing in chicken to find out.

The chicken restaurants have joined together to create and finance a research co-op called FOWL, Food Opportunities With Legs, to pay scientists to conduct a genetic study of the 4-legged chicken. FOWL hopes to get a 'leg up' on the competition by breeding more of the multi-limbed birds. A small amount of DNA was taken from the unique fowl in an effort to replicate the gene that is responsible for the extra pair of legs.

“Can you imagine the profit we could make if every chicken bred for food purposes had an extra set of legs,” asked a member of the co-op. “We could increase the amount of drumsticks we could sell, which we all know is the part of the chicken everyone prefers to eat, and we would not have to raise more chicken to do it,” he added.

“I used to conduct research to find a cure for cancer. Now I’m figuring out how to create an army of freak chickens. Why God, why,” lamented one of FOWL’s scientists. “At least I can now buy that summer home in The Hamptons with what they’re paying me.”

FOWL officials say that the increase yield in of DPC (drumsticks per chicken) could double their profits if the research is successful and the scientists don’t lay an egg. Animal rights activists across the country are crying fowl (I mean foul, sorry) about creating chickens with extra legs. In response, the officials say it’s better they genetically alter chickens to have more legs, which are body parts they already naturally have, than create chickens that grow something called nuggets. They also argue that it’s not like they’re cloning sheep and that their scientists are merely “augmenting” the chicken, which is something human women have been doing to themselves for years.

If the gene responsible for the second set of legs can be found, the turkey industry may also follow suit so that the chicken restaurants are not the only ones 'gobbling' up the extra profit that figures to be made.

Disclaimer: Yeah, the 4-legged chicken thing was real, but I made everything else up.

****Calling all questions about anything and everything. I might even answer them on Tuesday.****


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7 comments:

Candace said...

FIRST!!!

Nuggets!! LOL!

I think they could use some extra wings to try to loft up all that extra body, but there's not a lot of meat on wings, so maybe just extra breasts instead. And the extra alegs will help to balance them.

Maybe they could splice in a centipede gene. Though chickipedes would look a little freaky.

Odat said...

DPC!!! ahahahahaha!
Peace

brandy said...

Well done MC. You know, I never really liked KFC, but after all the words 'genetically modified' came into the conversation, I stopped going. I think the last time I had any KFC I was like, 11 years old. Anyway, good job on making things up. I like that idea.

Michael C said...

Candace: Chickipedes but look weird, but I sure like the sound of it!!

Odat: :D

Bran: Yeah, making stuff up is fun...and easy (TWSS)

Patti said...

Fun to read, as always. I love the acronym FOWL.

CS said...

Was the farm located next to a toxic waste dump or a nuclear reactor, by any chance? Yikes.

meleah rebeccah said...

I cant with a 4 legged chicken. Ick.