Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It Gave Birth To A What???

According to the AP, scientists in Japan have created an eight story prehistoric dinosaur that turned on its creators, trampled downtown Tokyo and then promptly walked into the sea to retire. Ok, I made that up, but what scientists in Japan did do is equally as intriguing, if not as cool. Basically in layman’s terms, they injected baby salmon with ‘sperm growing cells from trout.’ Yes, that’s right, the salmon then grew up and gave birth to trout. Not salmon, not tuna, not Mothra, but trout. Like the trout we go fishing for…and they came from Salmon. Yep, salmon having trout babies. Or ‘Salmout’ babies, if you will. I just want to make sure you understand here: trout that comes from salmon. OK, we can move on now.

The scientists hope that this ‘surrogate fish baby rearing giving birth to a species that you aren’t’ thing will help save endangered fish species. The story goes on to say that scientists next hope to get trout to give birth to salmon and mackrels to give birth to tuna. Now many of you who know me and read my posts regularly know what’s coming next. Yep, I am now going to lay before you my wishes for other birthing food combinations. Surely if we can get fish to spawn different species, we can do the same for other animals.

First up would be my never-ending quest of trying Turducken some day (thanks a lot for putting that idea in my head, Ms. Paula Deen). Turducken is a chicken stuffed inside of a duck stuffed inside of a turkey. Obviously this is a little different from one fish spawning another, but what if the turkey could give birth to a half chicken/half duck (or a ‘chuck’). Then you could raise the turkey and the chuck together and at least save a little time only have to stuff one dead fowl into another instead of having to stuff two into a third. Although now that I am writing all of this, I’m finding Turducken a little less appealing.

OOOOOOOOh, how about getting a lobster to spawn scallops and crabs to spawn fried shrimp? OK, I understand that they cannot be born fried, but I mean the ‘just small enough for the all you can eat fried shrimp’ variety of shrimp. I think their scientific name is ‘Eatus Moreus.’ It would make harvesting all that seafood so much cheaper while also making it so much more plentiful. And speaking of cheaper, why not just go ahead and do what we are all thinking: get goldfish to spawn lobster. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about there being enough lobster roaming the seas and it would be so much more inexpensive. After all, doesn’t Wal-Mart sell goldfish for like 98 cents? It could give rise to an entirely new industry called Lobster Farming. Oh wow, I just found the job I was destined to have. I could buy a house with a swimming pool (because gold fish can survive nuclear holocausts and all, so swimming pools would work, uh, swimmingly) and raise lobster-bearing goldfish. I could make the lobsters so much more affordable and even more plentiful. Then, we could dine on lobster every night for a fraction of today’s market value. I’d be like Forrest Gump with his Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. Though to spare you, I will resist the temptation of listing all the ways you could cook lobster…even though I really, really want to.

And who says that it has to be limited to seafaring creatures. Imagine what could be done with smaller four legged animals like goats and sheep. Since they take up less room, they could give birth to cattle and we could produce more and then reduce the price of beef…and milk…and, oh my God, CHEESE!!!!!! Could you imagine if we could get pigs to give birth to cattle but the offspring were engineered to still have both the pork and beef taste? It would be like giving birth to little compact, ready to go bacon wrapped filets.

Whoa, I think I’m about to pass out with all of these possible combinations! I really need to start eating three square meals a day…

Did anyone else notice that 30 Rock won the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series? By the hammer of Thor, I missed my chance to see Tina Fey accept the award. Blurg!!!!! (Of course if you have never watched it, then those two obscure references mean nothing…so you should probably try and catch the award winning show this year)

And a very big Happy B-Day goes out today to one of my comedic idols, Fred Willard!!!!!!

28 comments:

Janna said...

So if we could get the Taco Bell dogs to give birth to cows, would it come out already tasting like taco meat?

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I think they should just leave well enough alone.

AndreAnna said...

I heart lobster. I am so on that bandwagon.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I need psychiatric help. Some of your "creations" actually sounded tasty.

Amy said...

Turduckens are amazing. Trust me that Paula Dean knows what she's talking about!! I am planning on making one (convincing my mom to make one) for Thanksgiving this year!! (PS slow cook it on the BBQ for 6-8 hours with some apple chips mixed in with the coals, and you will think you are eating a slice of meaty heaven!!)

ruby said...

When your lobster-bearing goldfish start having babies can you engineer these lobsters to be less complicated to eat? And can you do something about oysters so they're unshelled?
Oh and can I have a pony? A normal one will do just fine, it doesn't need to be able to give birth to ducks or anything...maybe a panda...those are cute..

Just telling it like it is said...

Wow all though combinations made my eyes deboggle...I wonder if the samon give birth to the trout do they kind of taste like samon or do they still taste like trout?? and if you have a ducka-chicken is it mostly dark meat or white meat?? Way to many combinations for me to even imagine??It doesn't take much to confuse me...

katherine. said...

"sperm growing cells from trout"

into baby salmon (eggs or little ones?)

salmon grow up...and gave birth to trout.

did they mate with trout or salmon...or geez not at all?

I'm gonna go look this up....you better not be making this up.

Dr. A said...

Fred Willard is DA MAN! Has never been typecasted. He can play just about any comedic role. Happy Birthday Fred!

katherine. said...

not that anyone else really cares....rolling my eyes...

they are injecting into newly hatched STERILE salmon.

I wonder what happens several generations down the chain.

BTW Japan is experimenting to save the Bluefin Tuna...and Idaho is all excited about using it to save the Sockeye Salmon in a government funded project.

should we really be mucking around with nature in this way?

Open Grove Claudia said...

Jeez, maybe THAT's where whirling disease came from. Do you fly fish?

*~*Cece*~* said...

I'm glad I don't like fish. BLAH!

Odat said...

I'll come back to finish reading this when I feel better. lol.
Peace

Ralph said...

The potential combinations are stupendous! I like the idea of the turducken with the crayfish stuffing. That would take care of the intra-species conundrum,wouldn't it? Although it is no stranger than horse + donkey = mule (not that BBQ mule is a decision I'd likely take)

Airam said...

I wanna be injected with babies that will become millionaires. Is that possible?

Michael C said...

Janna: It would be worth trying to find out!!

Silver: Except for the lobster thing though, ok? :D

AA: I heart lobster too. It kinda rules me.

Lone Grey: What do you mean 'some?'
;-)

Amy: Will you pretty please ship me some? Pretty please? I'm not sure where the pretty please is supposed to go!!!

Ruby: Got it! A donkey and a Panda... why do I feel like Santa??
;-)

Just Telling: Hopefully dark meat. It's not as dry!

Katherine: See, I was telling the truth and kinda got it right ;-)

Claudia: I have never fly fished. But I have fried fish...

Cece: What if we could get it to taste like something you do like?

Odat: Make sure you've taken some TUMS ;-)

Ralph: BBQ mule sounds Asinine ;-)

Airam: I have no idea. But as soon as I find someone to ask, I promise I will let you know!!!!!

Scottsdale Girl said...

Can we have chocolate give birth to dulce de leche whip?

Please?

Scottsdale Girl said...

And as an avid Food network junkie, I still heard of turducken from JOHN MADDEN WAY before Paula Deen.

Michael C said...

Scottsdale Girl: Sure, that sounds very yummy!!! Madden may have championed it, but let's be honest...Paula Deen makes it classy ;-)

FRIGGA said...

If it's going extinct humans should not step in. Species are not meant to last for forever. It's that whole survival of the fittest sort of thing. Sorry, what you said was funny and made me hungry, but I just don't like humans messing around in such things! 8-)

Michael C said...

Frigga: I agree, which is why I'm just focusing on the food part ;-)

Candace said...

I wonder if it works with plants. Not giving birth to salmon, but maybe growing seeds for the wrong sort of plant. How messed up would THAT be? I mean, you could get an eggplant filled with banana seeds or bananas filled with peach pits. On second thought, that's a crappy idea. :-P

Does anyone do turducken-like foods with other meats? Like beefporhuahua?

Patti said...

Aha! the last line says it all. "I really need to start eating three square meals a day."
That's what I'm talking about.

I also love lobster. But as you know we eat it every day here in New England. ;-)

kat said...

I have not finished reading this entry yet. I only made it through the salmon birthing trout section. I can't stop laughing. I really can't. You are absolutely ridiculous.

kat said...

Ok I just finished. Great post all around. Very funny.

I personally would give anything to see a bear giving birth to a salmon. I imagine the expression on his face would be priceless.

Thembi said...

Have you ever had a pluot? (part plum part apricot)?

Easily the tastiest fruit ever.

meleah rebeccah said...

Of course I saw Tina win the Emmy, but thats because I love her more...

However I do think you are onto some new seriously good food combinations.

Who knows MAYBE I wont be allergic to these!

Tammie Jean said...

OMG... a "chuck"... you kill me!