Saturday, August 04, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 8/4/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 7/29/07-8/4/07.

! I learned that whenever HR comes to the office, it’s never ‘just to say hi.’ When they ask if I know why they are visiting, I should not answer ‘because my coworkers don’t appreciate the artistic mastery of me singing Kenny Rogers’ Daytime Friends and Nighttime Lovers.’ If you never take another one of my tips, just trust me on this one.

! I learned that having Lucy and Ethel walk on my back helps make my lower back feel much better. It’s their unexpected running across the room to jump onto my back that I did not anticipate. This quickly removed all the healing benefits of having them walk on it just minutes before.

! I learned that tossing Lucy and Ethel’s toasted frozen waffles to them like a Frisbee when they are cooked was probably not the best way to give them their food, especially when they started flipping them back to me. Sadly, their aim is not yet as good as mine.

! I learned the answer to the age old question ‘if an employee walks into a filing cabinet in an empty hallway, will anyone hear or see it?’ The answer is a most resounding yes. Not only will they hear and see it, the will tell others and remind you of it for the remainder of the day.

! I learned that I may have a slight issue or even obsession when I spent an entire lunch with my coworkers defending Tina Fey’s honor. How can they all be so blind!!

! I learned that an unwatched pot will indeed boil. In fact, it will boil over and make an awful mess. I also learned that while cleaning up this very same mess that an unwatched cut of meat on the grill will burn and become suitable only for beef jerky. The remedy for all of this is McDonalds of course…

And lastly

! I learned that as a daddy, there is nothing wrong with dancing in front of the TV to the Wiggles. That being said, there is apparently something wrong with it when I am dancing to the Wiggles and the twins are not around. It’s also a little difficult to explain when I’m caught doing so.

29 comments:

Odat said...

Thanks again for the lessons ...I use them wisely ya know!! Was the Wiggles dancing before or after the walk-on-back lesson?
Have a great weekend!
Peace

wolf said...

The Wiggles have some catchy stuff, ya know. Have you been caught debating existentialism with Dora and Boots yet? ("What if I don't want to go where Map tells me to go?") My wife still looks at me strangely for that one (and for other reasons, too, of course.

Heart Of Darkness said...

You sure do learn a lot... maybe I should get a couple of kids, just to get the knowledge everybody else is telling me is priceless...?

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Can I borrow the twins, I need help with my back.

AndreAnna said...

I keep singing the theme song to Higglytown Heroes, ALL. DAY. LONG.

I actually annoy myself.

Michael C said...

Odat: It was before... ;-)

Wolf: Ha! Sucked in my the kiddie shows too, huh?

Heart: Yes, you should. I certainly endorse how great having kids is ;-)

Silver: just send me your mailing address ;-)

AA: Great, now I'm singing it...really!! Thanks!!! ;-)

Patti said...

Let's see...when my urchins were little the thing was Barney. Now that's a theme song to stick in your head all day.
Yick.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

It's okay, Just surrender to your Inner Wiggle. We won't giggle. Oh no. Really.

Ralph said...

- For workplace harmony, you could sing very loudly instead “I’m ‘enery the eighth I am, ‘enery the eighth I am I am …” Tell them it’s your heritage.

- I wish that I had a pair of five-year-old chiropractors.

- As for the waffles, by tossing them like a Frisbee, you are teaching them that round waffles fly better than the square ones. I trust that you launch them sans syrup...

AndreAnna said...

Someone special, who could it be? This job's too bug for you and me. We need to help. But never fear-o, It looks like a job for a Higglytown Hero.

OMG I CANT STOP?

Should I write to the Disney people and blame them for my insanity? And yell at them over the word "fear-o" which annoys me beyond all human belief?

Michael C said...

AA: I just saw down at the computer for some relaxation and this is what I read?? ;-)

It's worse though since Higglytown is on as I am leaving for work every morning. The song is usually on my mind for the first few hours of work every day!!!
;-)

Airam said...

I learned that when I read things with an English accent, even in my head, that no matter what I'm reading ... it all of a sudden sounds very sophisticated.

Michael C said...

Patti: Anything but Barney!!! ;-)

Pawlie: If you say so, then that is what I will do! Congrats on your guy Bonds tonight.

Ralph: No syrup, I swear.

Airam: I can see how that would work! I shall start trying it...I'm actually doing it right now ;-)

Jenny! said...

You have smart girls...if daddy can throw food...so can they! The unexpected jump SUCKS so badly!

brandy said...

I learned that doing too many things prevents me from properly commenting on Kenny Rogers.

But I can commnet now.

First of all, great song. Any song that has the word 'bourbon' in it, is going to be a good song with me. Does it beat "Islands in the Stream"? I don't know, MC, i don't know. But thanks for teaching me more about Mr. K Rogers. I will bow to your greatness.

Also, you have to defend Tina Fey!? What. The. Hell. She's bloody brilliant and makes Sarah Silverman look like like a mute plumber. And no, that doesn't make sense, but neither does having to defend Tina. Dear Lord. What is the world coming to?

Michael C said...

Jenny!: That are too smart...yes the jump sucked big dog biscuits!!

Brandy: Glad you liked the song! I think it's right up there with Islands and Daytime Friends, but I realize that statement could be controversial. Well, at least to a few people.

Yes, Tina must be defended at all costs. Damn mute plumbers!!!!

Violet said...

I used to walk on my other half's back.

But that was before I got fat.

phishez_rule said...

Noted. You really make my life easier. Thanks for that.

Michael C said...

Violet: I don't give the twins too much more time doing that before I get permanently injured.

Phishez: Noted: Thank you and you are welcome ;-)

Airam said...

This isn't to say that what you write isn't full of intellect!!

Actually the reason I was reading with an English accent was because I was watching a Harry Potter movie ...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Parents! It's like a little club where you get money for recruiting new members, isn't it? LOL

Gledwood said...

Hey how's the empty skull going? Long time no see I lost ur url ... so to speak... wise words of wisdomial advice there

hmmmm

take it e.z.

all the best


gleds

Patti said...

As you can see I'm desperate for you to answer this question Tuesday
so I copied and pasted it over to here. I thought maybe you didn't like me anymore. I'm very sensitive, you know.
;~)

Hola Miguel, Tengo una pregunta por Martes:
When you are saying things out loud, in the real world, do you say BBQ or the word "barbecue"?

August 01, 2007 4:03 AM

CS said...

Another great set. But I say, dance to your heart's content - who cares what everyoe else thinks?

meleah rebeccah said...

This is the kind of knowledge you just cant get in school! Thanks for all your research!

As for "I learned that I may have a slight issue or even obsession when I spent an entire lunch with my coworkers defending Tina Fey’s honor. How can they all be so blind!!"

Who? Whut? WHO doesn't LOVE her? hmm...

Something is very wrong such individual(s).

Lis said...

Ok, I'm ready to employ the use of my fists should the need arises although they're about as effective as a friendly jab in the ribs. So what did your coworkers have against dear sweet Tina?

Tammie Jean said...

LOL! I love your lessons :)

Leiselb said...

Oh man this had me giggling profusely.....well done.

FRIGGA said...

Once again thank you for your guidance. :-)