Thursday, August 09, 2007

Lunch – The Breeding Ground For Great Ideas?? Also Known As What My Problem Really Is

At last I figured out why I have so much trouble at work. It’s not attitude, it’s not discipline, it’s not intelligence, it’s all about area of expertise, passion for what I do and comfort…ok, and a little bit of attention deficit disorder. But in my defense, when you have to stare at the same walls all day long, who can blame me?

I finally figured this out at lunch today. There we were talking about work and making work plans and being proactive when female coworker mentioned wanting to tan on her day off so she could wouldn’t have to wear nylons in Arizona for a wedding in September. Partner In Crime (formerly In The Office Two Days A Week Guy), mentioned that Nylons in Arizona sounds like the name of a bad musical. At that point, my true work talents took over and the rest of the ‘business’ lunch was lost. Partner in Crime and I spent the remainder of our lunch working on lyrics for this new musical, much, much, much to Female Coworker’s chagrin.

I started with the opening number: ‘It’s Hot’. It went something like:
It’s Hot, It’s Hot
Oh my my, it’s Hot
It’s a dry heat, not good on the thigh heat
I regret, that there’s sweat
It’s hot, It’s hot

Yeah, that’s really as far as we got, but we had the whole ‘jazz hands’ thing working and everything for the choreography. Next came ‘Tour of Arizona.’

Scottsdale, Phoenix
Marana, Casa Grande
Tuscson, Flagstaff
Time for a good laugh
Let’s tour Arizona…in Nylons

Then came the problem. What in the heck do we rhyme with ‘Nylons?’ Pylons? Crylon? Cylons? Yes, if you’re one of the 27 people still alive who is willing to admit that you watched ‘Battlestar Gallactica’ growing up, Cylons would mean something. Otherwise it’s a pretty obscure and useless reference. Do we use the term ‘hose’ instead of nylons? Hose, pose, crows, foes, rows…it really didn’t present any better opportunities.

As with any great creative team, disagreements are bound to arise. Case in point: since the only purpose of this song was to name cities in Arizona, I desperately wanted to work in the line ‘standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona’ as a tribute to the Eagles. Partner in Crime suggested there were copyright issues in doing this and unbelievably, Female Coworker did not seem to get the reference. I volunteered to change it up a little to something like ‘waiting on a curb in Winslow, Arizona’ or ‘standing by the side of the street NEAR Winslow, Arizona,’ but eventually abandoned the idea.

As lunch drew to a close, we were busy working on the big finale. I imagined it would involve lots of ladies dressed in nylons that would rip off with one tug right before the curtain falls. The song would be all about overcoming the discomfort of wearing nylons…obviously something Partner in Crime and I know a lot about, just as we know what it feels like to give birth!

Nylons are tight
They never fit just right
They run, but that’s not fun
They snag
Oh what a drag!
I hate wearing Nylons in Arizona
Maybe in Tacoma, perhaps in Sonoma
But never, ever Arizona……(cue the big finish)

And that folks is my problem. I spent the entire remainder of the day and night focused mentally on this new Musical ‘Nylons in Arizona.’ I should also mention here that I don’t think I have ever attended a musical. Regardless, while everyone else was able to get back into the office and concentrate on the many tasks at hand, I kept finding my mind drifting off to scene sets, choreography, lyrics, casting, publicity and wardrobe…and of course, what else to rhyme with nylons. Now that I know what my illness is, I can be more aware of it in the hopes of making myself a better employee. Now, how do I convince NBC that a sit-com about wearing nylons in the desert is a funny idea?????

****I wanted to thank everyone that voted for my blog as one of the ‘Bestest Blogs of the Year’ over at Bobby’s Blog. Somehow, my blog finished the voting in 5th place. I was literally shocked when I found out! Yes, I even threw up a little bit in my mouth. It is so cool that other people enjoy reading what I have to make up say. It really is touching…thanks so much. Seriously, thanks! I didn’t even vote for myself…******

Also, here’s a reminder to get your questions in for next Tuesday’s Q & A Tuesday since this will probably be my last post until next Tuesday (you can read below to see why). Did I really need to say Tuesday three times in this reminder???


Odat said...

Instead of using one word for nylon
you could use "cry on", "dry on", fry on, well you get my drift...
lol...I think it would make a great musical michael...
and good luck with everything, I'll try to think of a real good question for ya.

Terri said...

you'd definitely have to use this word that is used as an actual descriptor, or color, of nylons, which is NUDE, when you pitch the idea because as we all know, this kind of stuff sells.

I haven't asked a question yet, forgive me too, if I repeat, but what kind of child were you? I wonder if you can relate yourself to any child actor/comedian, someone like Gary Coleman, Danny Bonnaduce or even Punky Brewster? :o)

AndreAnna said...

Since I live a hop away from NYC, I'll run over there today and pitch your idea to Broadway. :)

And I am a staunch believer that He-Who-Invented-Pantyhose has a cozy place in Hell next to the guy who invented the corset. I refuse to wear them. Ever. Not even to my own wedding. I either tan or wear a long dress in the winter. They're evil, evil, evil.

And here is my question: If you could only listen to one song over and over again for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Patti said...

Nylons are a pain.
Unless you live in Maine.
And it's 20 below,
And there's nowhere to go,
Except out in the freezing rain.

Patti said...

P.S. My Tuesday question :
Which do you prefer, lizard or caveman?

good luck with everything, old chap

Michael C said...

Odat: Yes! I'm so narrow minded that I completely overlooked combining words, thanks!

Terri: Are you trying to tell me sex sells? Why have I not heard that before?? ;-)

AA: Thanks for having my back! One thing is for sure, I wouldn't put the dang things on!!

Patti: Very nice. I'll be sharing that with Partner In Crime!!

Ralph said...

Below is my attempt to collaborate as the lyricist of your show:

Nylons are not worth the money
In Yuma, they are not too funny
Nylons offer wearers comfort no!
About as welcome in Tempe as snow
Nylons they only look fun
But not to those in the Valley of the Sun…

You ought to convince someone to fund this thing in Off-Off-Off Broadway

Michael C said...

Ralph: Maybe you and Patti should start writing songs together! I think it might work out pretty well!

Texaspeanut said...

I love this idea, I want to be one of the big rolls. I mean roles. hehehe

In the Office Twice a Week Guy said...

He had to change my name because now I'm only in the office once a week...

mist1 said...

I'll tell you what rhymes with nylons: oppression.

That's what.

Unless they're crotchless. Then they're okay.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Um... I'm SO getting hired over at your office! LOL

Airam said...

I think you should take my "country" song and run with it. I bet you could make it a number 1 hit!

Patti said...

Pantyhose is not for dummies
With control top we can flatten tummies!
Unless you're thin
And don't need to suck it in
But you may need to hold up your bum-my.

captain corky said...

Is that a major award? That looks like a major award. Is that what you got for coming in 5th? Good job Michael.

PS. Now you only have to hunt down the other 26. ;)

Beth said...

I want to work with YOU guys. That sounds like a fun lunch!!! And I agree 1000% with Andreananna, whomever invented nylons, high heels, corsets, and the rule that women have to shave half their body hair off to be more attractive...he needs to jump off the same building as Jeff Gordon.

Natalie said...

Wow now I totally get that Tori Amos line, "Standing on a corner in winslow Arizona and I'm quite sure I'm in the wrong song". Thanks!

The Exception said...

First, Tucson is spelled with just one "s" and I know as I am from there.
Second, you don't wear them in Arizona in the summer as it is too hot - unless you absolutely have to wear them. Then you don't truly mind as you go from AZ to AZ - only the tourists are silly enough to spend time out in the heat in nylons!

In the fall, you can wear them without issue. It is not HOT as your coworker apparently believes. They do wear sweaters, coats, etc in the winter you know.

Lastly, my questions, I was rushed you know so am not sure if these will be an mind bending as my last two. The Diva has been somewhat silent of late.

First - what is your theme song?
If you have a half sister and brother but they don't know you exist, do you still really have a brother or sister?

And that, my friend, is all I have for you for Tuesday.

Enjoy your trip to the hospital and I hope that your heart responds favorably!!

brandy said...

Oh MC, you continue to amaze me wtih your talents. I know I've told you this before, but I actually had to write musicals at my old job. How I wish I would have worked with someone like you who appears to delight in such pursuits. As for my questions... here they are:

1. Kenny Rogers wants you to go on tour with him. Only hitch is that you will be gone for the next year and Lucy and Ethel are not welcome to join/visit (Kenny discriminates against people under 10 years old)and you will not be getting any breaks to come home. He will be paying you enough money that after a year of work you will be able to retire comfortably and provide all the wants your young girls have ever dreamed of. Do you go?

2. Are Bratz dolls a symbolic representation of what is wrong with our society in terms of female image, or are they the cause of what is wrong with our society? Are they the cause of what is wrong, or the effect?

3. Favourite type of lifesaver candy?

4. If you were going to live the reminder of your life as a pirate, what would your new pirate name be?

5. Can you whistle?

ARM said...

I'm laughing like crazy at your post. Not just because it's funny, but because I am totally relating to the turn of events at your lunch table. Oh...the lunchtime chronicles I could have if I could even begin to write down some of the shit my friends and I do (say) in the cafeteria. We actually have a whole cast of characters (I even blogged about them once...introducing them to everyone) and all kinds of crazy stories made up in our heads about them. And coming up with lyrics from crappy something we would do. Classic.

Ok, since you are truly a REAL country fan (real = classic, old school, steel guitars, fiddles, etc.), I'm going to share this with you (I made this page because I'm trying to get my parents to do this stuff more often again). This is my parents band that they used to have when I was growing up (the "broke-up" around 1984-ish when my little brother was born). I actually go and play with Mom & Dad about once a month (there is a video on there, too). Anyway, enjoy.

As for, I have a lot! The first one, though, is about a comment you left on Brandy's blog...did you really get talked to by HR about blogging? See...this is a scary thing for me because, honestly, I waste entirely too much time blogging at work. I'm always paranoid that I'm going to get talked to about it (yet I still do it).

And for a real question...I think I'm going to have to come back after I think about it for a bit.

ARM said...

Oh! I completely forgot - I was going to comment on the picture you used...I love that lamp! I love that movie!

FRIGGA said...

Who will star in your musical?

katherine. said...

the superbowl is gonna be in Arizona this year...(next actually...but this season....)

Michael C said...

Texas: Ha! Nice to see you back!!

In the office dude: Once a week, really. Lucky bastard... ;-)

Mist: I read a comment like that and realize how Mist you have been!!

Heart: Well it would be about time!! ;-)

Airam: Sounds like a plan!!! Thanks ;-)

Patti: These keep getting better. I think you've written enough for the whole song now!

Corky: Best lamp ever! I actually have one.

Beth: Come to work with us. Then we'll hunt down Gordon and uh, arrange a little accident ;-)

Natalie: I had never heard that before. That is soooo cool!!

The Exception: My brother lives is Marana. I can't wait to answer your questions!

Brandy: There's always a bad musical to be written, right? Great questions...especially number one. That will have me tossing and turning ;-)

Arm: I can't wait to check your link out!!! I hope HR lets me answer your blogging at work question next Tuesday ;-)

Also Arm, it's one of the best movies EVER!! And I have the 20' version of the leg lamp. I LOVE IT. It went in my front window this past Christmas!!! Ahhh, the glow of electric sex ;-)

Frigga: great question!!

Katherine: Might be the right time to debut my musical ;-)

Airam said...

Which Simpson's character do you relate to the most and why?

Michael C said...

Airam: That's a good one!!!!!!

ShadowFalcon said...

Hey I've worn Nylons in the dessert, it gets very cold at night. Ok I should stop now...Cylon was good i would have got that....

Crashdummie said...

Dude, I didn’t get any wiser – what was the correct answer to what your problem really was?

I’m utterly confused… ;)

meleah rebeccah said...

I didnt even read ONE word of this post yet, and you HAD me with the Christmas Story Leg Lamp....

Okay now I will go back an read and then leave you a REAL comment!

meleah rebeccah said...

Now that is what I would call


I agree with the others this could be the beginning of an awesome off-off Broadway play.

Heart Of Darkness said...

Okay, a huge chunck of good luck this weekend, Mikey... get well, ok????

Mother Hoodwink said...

"It’s a dry heat, not good on the thigh heat" Love it!

My question is that if you had to wear nylons as part of your new work dress code, (quitting is not an option) which color would you wear? Black, the ever classy white, nude or some crazy color ones?

ARM said...

It really is an awesome movie. Do you watch the 24 hour marathon on Christmas Eve? So awesome. I quote that movie all the time...I just can't help has some excellent lines! What's your favorite quote from the movie? (I ask this knowing full well that if this were asked to me I would never be able to make a decision because there are so many good ones!)

Jenny! said...

We bought my dad the leg lamp for Christmas last so funny!

Erica AP said...

I think you may have found your calling. I would see that musical but only if I got backstage passes...

Mimi Lenox said...

Michael - I think you actually have blog fever. Nobody but a blogger in search of a post could allow this nonsense to linger in his brain for hours. Too funny!

P.S. It is obvious, dear, that you've never attended a musical.
(just kidding!)

C said...

You need to call your musical Arizona Hose - kind of sounds like a group of female rappers.

Just telling it like it is said...

1. Congrads!! you deserve it!!
2. I love that movie and that lamp I want one in my living room!!
3. Yes, I am alive and well thanks for thinking of me!!!
4. It is never okay to wear pantyhose unless your dressing up in the bedroom and then it is even questionalble!!
5. Congrads again!! while I have been away I have missed your blog but I assure you I have not forgotten you!!!

kat said...

Are you laying in your hospital bed right now writing more songs for Nylons In Arizona? This isn't fair. I finally have a chance to read your blog and you are taking the weekend off????


Patti said...

Hope you are spending hospital time thinking up brilliant responses to our insightful Tuesday Q & A submissions.

Seriously, Michael, hope you are doing well!

Lis said...

Nylons in Arizona could even be marketed as some sort of Broadway equivalent of a double feature with Hairspray.

And my question is... if you happen to run into Tina Fey (gasp!) somewhere, what will you say or do after you're done giggling like a silly school girl?

brandy said...

I searched for an e-card that said 'hey, it's weird to say, but i miss you referencing me as Yoda, so stop faking sick and come back', but there wasn't one. So I decided to leave another comment. Seriously though, I hope your hospital stay went well and that your nurses were all kind souls with warm hands.

Odat said...

Hope you're ok......and If so and if you're going to do Q&A Tuesday...I'd like to know what your answer would be to one of my favorite quotes and it's this:

"What if the hokey pokey is what it's all about?"


Ralph said...

Michael, Q&A Tuesday:

When the Brat Pack grows up, can they rival the Rat Pack in grownup behavior?

FRIGGA said...

I sure hope your weekend went good! If you get a chance, I posted the results to my TT13 Movie Q's :-)

Lae said...

Nice blog? What about link exchange with my one?
Here it is
If u agree, then post a comment on my blog.
Good Luck,

Scottsdale Girl said...

Nylons in Arizona


Lis said...

Hey dude, hope you're doing ok.

captain corky said...

Hope everything is ok dude!

The Exception said...

Here's hoping you are okay???

Another question, just in case you are fine but bored...

Which cartoon/TV show from your youth would you like them to bring back and why?

CS said...

Smile on? Pile on? It's close. But, man, you can't go far wrong as long as you use jazz hands.

Anonymous said...

Nylons in Arizona? Oh, I forgot how much I love your Blog...