Friday, August 24, 2007

They Actually Had To Do A Study For This???

OK, I just finished reading a Reuters news story that said researchers in Canada have discovered that young male students do better when being tutored in reading by female tutors rather than male tutors. The boys that were studied were in the third and fourth grades. Uhhhh, isn’t that when boys start to really ‘discover’ the fairer sex?

I wonder if the study involved watching Van Halen’s ‘Hot For Teacher’ video. There is also a nice tutoring scene in Adam Sandler’s ‘Billy Madison’ that comes to mind too! Were the results of this study really a surprise? Yeah the male tutor could use things like sport analogies and high fives to connect with his student, but all the female tutor has to do is show up and speak in soft dulcet tones.

Yes I’m probably being sexist here, but if I had to be tutored for work (ok, it’s more like WHEN I need to be tutored for work), I would pay a lot more attention to the female work tutor than I would the man. Although, if the man liked NASCAR and had a real appreciation for the miracle that is the deep fryer, I’ll admit that we would not get much done because we’d be talking about what a God Dale Earnhardt was, what a little girly boy Jeff Gordon is and try to one up each other with stories of the greatest things we have ever tried to deep fry. Now if the work tutor was a woman who was paying attention to me (if only because she was being paid to help me become a better worker), I would most certainly give her more attention than the guy. I’d probably hang on her every word and become more productive over night.

Then there’s the chance that the whole thing would backfire and I’d actually tank the learning so that I’d get to spend more time with my female tutor. That’s just a joke because I’m not really THAT bad of a guy, I swear. Unless the female tutor could name several NASCAR tracks and smiled at the mention of things like bounce houses. Then who could blame me for wanting to learn more? OK, I got lost in my thoughts for a moment…what was I writing about? Yes, that’s right, the study that showed boys learn more from female tutors. Hmmmm, a bunch of awkward hormonal kids spending one on one time so close to a woman? Yeah, the tutor would have their full attention. I hope this wasn’t a very expensive study!

Speaking of recent published study results, I came across another one yesterday. I logged into my internet account last night ready to visit my favorite blogs, download pictures of cheddar and Colby Jack cheese for my cubicle walls and to catch a few 30 Rock episodes on Youtube. But what did I encounter before that? An unclothed very elderly couple seen from the shoulders up in a deep and uh, loving embrace. It was awkward to see and then it got even more awkward when I read the headline that accompanied the photo: ‘Study reveals the elderly are having more sex than thought.’

Uh, um, whoa, gee, well, oh boy…I’m speechless. The last time I was this speechless I was under general anesthesia. Explain to me why this was so important for me know. How was this study conducted? More importantly, WHY was this study conducted? You know what, I just can’t continue with this. Can we just come to an agreement and declare that whatever happens in these ‘experienced’ couples’ Craftmatic Adjustable old people’s beds stays in their Craftmatic Adjustable old people’s beds?

27 comments:

Lis said...

What the hell were you looking at to come across old people porn?

Lis said...

Hahahaha I think it's hilarious that I see "Just Because They're Old Doesn't Mean They're Bad -- Seriously, Stay A While" on your blog while reading this post.

Michael C said...

Lis: It was MSNBC.com....I kid you not!!!

Airam said...

I would've thought that the female would've been distracting for the male student. I guess they are trying to impress the hot teacher with all their new-found (and retained) knowledge?

Airam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael C said...

Airam: That's what I would think at first, but then I realized that the females would have the males complete attention. Now I sound like I'm narrating a wild life nature documentary...

Lis said...

the females would have the males complete attention

Even if the females in question are about 80 years old, have lost all their teeth and everything's pointing south?

Michael C said...

Lis: OK, I guess I have to stop speaking in such absolutes!!! ;-)

Odat said...

LOL...you can't blame the boys now can you?
They were talking about that "study" on the news here last night and they were actually interviewing seniors about whether they preferred sex over "love"...and believe it or not, the women were answering they would definately have sex if only they could find a partner....and the men were saying that companionship was more important...go figure...lmao

ian said...

That's such a bizarre, pork-barrel research project I'm astonished it came from Canada.

This is the sort of thing the American government loves to give millions of dollars to.

Ian

The Exception said...

Didn't you find the report interesting - I mean, there is hope for all those couples who abstain from sex when they have children in the house. They can give it up until their kids leave the nest and know, now, that they can find an active sex life.

Michael C said...

Odat: That IS a big go figure, indeed!!

Ian: I agree...purely an American endeavor from start to finish ;-)

Exception: That's a great point. Parents all over the country are marking the day on their calendars right now when their children leave for college!! ;-)

AndreAnna said...

I almost want to poke myself in the eye to erase the image of nekkid old people.

Thanks.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I had to do a group project about sex in the senior citizen batch...lets just say it was an interesting experience.

Beth said...

Well that study was a big DUH huh? I think if I were your tutor Michael, you and I would get nothing done because we would be non-stop discussing how lame the DuPont 24 car is and how when Dale finally won his Daytona 500, we both still get tears in our eyes. I still can't watch the memorial to him I have on tape. Have a great weekend!!

Michael C said...

AA: I agree. I shall use a fondue skewer to fix my eyes!!

Silver: Better you than me my friend!! I could never get through something like that.

Beth: You took the words right outta my mouth! You're right we would just have a party of hating and then crying! You know, I actually have a small #3 diecast Sr. car on my dashboard at all times...

brandy said...

I love knowing that my elderly years will be sex filled. I mean, that will give me something to look forward to besides early bird dinners and a new appreciation for sweaters adorned with cats.

katherine. said...

the "sex in your 70's and 80's" news report is on EVERY station and newspaper....

Jenny! said...

When you get tutored at work and you pay attention more to female teachers...are you really paying attention to what their teaching...or how close their hooters are to your hands?

FRIGGA said...

I certainly hope my tax dollars didn't go to either of these studies. :-0

meleah rebeccah said...

"Veronica Vaughn...Soo Hot. Want to touch the hiney...."

Great Movie.

ARM said...

Yes, clearly, a little bribe never hurts...

Very interesting study. They do studies for everything now. Like the one where they found out that most male cologne actually turns women off...physically. But apparently the smells of licorice, pumpkin or lavender we really, really like.

I don't know why I told you that.

Patti said...

Hey don't make fun of those adjustable beds unless you've tried one. I haven't, but maybe they are convenient.

Open Grove Claudia said...

I've never thought of old people having sex. And frankly, I'd rather not start.... Ew.

notfearingchange said...

Old people having sex...
think about it. They are divorced or widowed. The older men may have young fanciful girlfriends go back to the older population females what not...and they could all be doing this unprotected - as they did not have sex ed the way some of us did in our 20s and 30s.

What are the repercussions? The way retirement homes are set up should perhaps be different. Sex Ed needs to reach the older couples. The demographics are shifting in the population...these are needs that older generations will have to have addressed...

did that make sense...? it is friday.

Michael C said...

Brandy: Wait, early bird dinners are for the elderly? Uh-oh...

Katherine: I just can't imagine why that is, can you?? ;-)

Jenny! That is perhaps the greatest question of all time!!

Frigga: I'm sure they did.

Meleah: Quoting Billy Madison? IMPRESSIVE!!!

ARM: Pumpkin scented stuff is great...but I don't know if I could wear it ;-)

Patti: I almost ordered the free brochure and DVD once!

Open Grove Claudia: Welcome and I haven't eaten since I read the story yesterday!

NotFearing: It made a lot of sense. Yikes, did it!! ;-)

captain corky said...

I hope I have lots of sex when I'm older, but more importantly I hope I get to watch lots of television.