Saturday, August 25, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 8/25/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier.

! I learned that powdered sugar should never be a waffle topping for a young child’s breakfast. This has nothing to do with raising their sugar level and them being rambunctious in school, it’s because the floor will look like it received a foot of snow.

! I learned that I should never have shown Lucy and Ethel how to copy what other people are saying. Especially me. Especially when I never know when or where they are going to start playing ‘the copy game.’ Especially when I may or may not have just unleashed a curse-laden tirade about something most people would find insignificant.

! I learned that tipping a waitress an extra $8 because she was cute doesn’t rest well with my coworkers. It’s not her fault that she forgot Partner In Crime’s extra side of Ranch. I’m sure there was a very good reason that she put Mayo on his burger after he asked for no Mayo.

! I learned that a horrible hacking cough and the disclaimer that I fear I am getting pneumonia is a great way to make sure people avoid my office. It’s also a great excuse for cutting phone calls short, and for getting the entire pot of coffee to myself.

! I learned that the rest of my coworkers don’t appreciate me celebrating Kenny Rogers’ birthday in the office with a daylong musical tribute. I also learned that when I leave my desk for more than a few minutes, my Kenny Rogers Birthday Musical Extravaganza will be sabotaged.

! I learned that watching ‘Lobster Wars’ on the Discovery Channel makes me crave lobster to the point that I can’t see straight. Perhaps I should write a letter to Red Lobster telling them to advertise during this show, as it is sure to increase traffic in their fine establishments. I also learned that watching four straight episodes of ‘Dirty Jobs’ is a great weight loss tool. I should publicize this so I can rule the airwaves like that annoying Jarrod from Subway!

And lastly,

! I learned that I have really let my twins’ new rebellious behavior get to me when I have a dream that my dog Mabel has a twin and the twin is bent on attacking me every time I bend over. I can tell you that imaginary twin-dog butt bites hurt, A LOT! The only thing I can’t figure out is why my ass hurts so much…

21 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i saw that annoying jarod from subway in a restaurant in palm beach once, he is pasty looking and doughy and he was eating a reuben too!!!

smiles, bee

AndreAnna said...

We have Lobster Wars all queued up on the DVR, ready to watch tomorrow!

It better be as good as you say!

Open Grove Claudia said...

Mmmm coffee. Have you tried feeding it to the twins? or the dog? It might help....

Rebellious behavior? Love and logic baby - it's the only thing that works.

I think tipping someone because they are cute is an excellent way to express the pleasure of someone's beauty. Of course, when I was a waitress I was pretty sure people were expressing their enjoyment of my breasts. Just me....

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Meh, it ain't the waitresses fault, it's the kitchen's fault!

Michael C said...

Bee: That figures! Not sure why, but I hate that guy.

AA: I won't say a word ;-)

Open Grove Claudia: I've never given the twins coffee, but I have given them Mountain Dew and ice cream as a snack. Pretty much the same philosophy, right? ;-)

Silver: Exactly what I was thinking!

Patti said...

Never heard of Lobster Wars, but I am intrigued.

Odat said...

Your imaginary twin dog bit you because you taught the twins how to curse, mess up the kitchen, you annoyed your coworkers with Kenny.....duh! :-)
Peace

Airam said...

I learned ...

It was a slow week for me. I didn't learn a whole lot.

Oh Wait!

I learned that it's very easy to become King/CEO/Governor of Procrasti Nation. I also learned that it's an easy job. So long as you take your time with everything you do.

I also learned how to make boobies (and another private part) using keyboard letters/symbols. Facebook isn't only for catching up with long lost friends.

Michael C said...

Airam: I'm still King of Procrasti Nation, right? I mean I've only had the throne for like 3 days...

You may have to share your newfound keyboard picture knowledge with me ;-)

Airam said...

I may have to do it in an email. It's kinda raunchy.

Michael C said...

Airam: Ok, I'll shield my eyes if I can't handle it ;-)

Airam said...

I'm almost embarassed to show you!

Michael C said...

Airam: That's ok, I'm almost embarrassed to see it ;-)

phishez_rule said...

Nothing quite like being able to toboggan in the comfort of your own home!

ARM said...

Hahaha!! I just learned that Airam is cracking me up more than ever!! I can't even remember what I was going to comment on with this post.

Oh, wait...the cough...seriously? People leave you alone if you have a hacking cough? Do you think it's something one can learn without actually getting sick?

Michael C said...

ARM: Yes, Airam has been making me laugh a lot too. Sure you can learn the cough I refer to as 'the hacker.' And you'll be so glad you did!

Mother Hoodwink said...

Jarrod is the kind of person who would look better fat. His face sags. He needs to start eating the meatball subs with lots of cheese with a side of four large pizzas.

Also, good call on the powdered sugar.

TexasPeanut said...

I learned this week that ESPN has the worst coverage of NASCAR than any of the other channel coverage's. How do you have a satellite disruption with three laps to go. And why are they always at commercial with the yellow comes out and the green flag drops. It's like they don't take NASCAR seriously. Man, I hate ESPN's coverage almost as much as I HATE J**F G****N, and that's alot. Stupid ESPN!

FRIGGA said...

Okay, powdered suger, check. Over-tip the hotties, check. I'm still working on that cough, it seems the whole office likes the way I make coffee, so when I'm brewing a whole ton of people start lining up... :-0 (I think it has something to do with the double coffee grinds in it!)
Thanks for my weekly lesson!

meleah rebeccah said...

Um...Thanks for all that "research."

Hilarious post!

*I can imagine all that sugar on the floor!....and my son [who is 11] STILL "copies me" at The.Most. inopportune times.

Leiselb said...

Wait-- so does everyone at your work drink out of the same pot when someone isn't sick-- like a Communion mug or something? ;-)