Saturday, August 18, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 8/18/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier.

! I learned that a cheese grater is a very dangerous kitchen accessory that can cause major knuckle destruction if not used with extreme attention and care. Caution and care in this case excludes grating cheese while watching The Office, especially when the blood of the person grating the cheese is the thinnest it has been in seven years.

! I learned that ‘Ready to Light’ charcoal is actually more fun a bigger fire hazard than soaking regular charcoal with lighter fluid myself. Do I really need to mention how much more fun more dangerous adding lighter fluid to the burning ‘Ready to Light’ charcoal is? Also, a shift in the direction of the wind WILL in fact change the direction that the fire is blowing. Lastly, there is a decent chance that I won’t need to shave the right side of my face for another day or two.

! I learned that I really do have a very artistic twin when she believes that every pile of dog waste I clean up looks like something else. I just wish that Ethel new how to modulate the volume of her voice so that the neighbors didn’t know that my dog is apparently able to, uh, ‘lay’ waste that looks like a turtle, an airplane and Grover from The Muppets, just to mention a few. On second thought, maybe it’s my dog Mabel who has the real talent here.

! I learned that hospital food really isn’t that bad. It’s actually quite tasty if you give it a chance. And by giving it a chance, I mean chasing it down with an extra large Whopper and a strawberry milkshake.

! I learned when my doctor said I needed to be off work this week that absence truly does NOT make the heart grow fonder. Boy will I be in a great mood when I return on Monday. I’m hoping you can detect the sarcasm I am typing this with.

! I learned that after Lucy and Ethel watched the premier of 'High School Musical 2' last night, I'll be spending my Saturday trying to find them the soundtrack on CD. Oh joy, oh joy, oh joy, oh joy. I'm again hoping
you can detect the sarcasm I am typing this with.

! I learned that I don’t particularly care to be awaken at 4AM to have my blood drawn, especially when it takes 8 minutes and 3 attempts to find a vein that feels like cooperating. I also learned that cussing at my veins is a very good way to get other people to look at you funny.

And lastly,

! I learned that picking Lucy and Ethel up from Kindergarten requires me to bring my ‘A’ game with regards to completely useless conversations with other parents just because we all happen to have children in the same class. For the record, apparently asking other moms, ‘Hey, did you catch Dirty Jobs last night? That Mike Rowe is hysterical, isn’t he?’ is most definitely not ‘A’ game material.


Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

all good to know, thanks michael!

smiles, bee

ARM said...

High School Musical 2 premiered last night? Dammit. I actually wanted to see that. I watched High School Musical when it first premiered.

Yes...I watch the Disney channel and I do not have children...what can I say? Phil of the Future is a good show, yo.

And...I'm giggling that your twin not knowing how to modulate the volume of her voice. Mr. ARM says that about me.

AndreAnna said...

It would have been your A game if one of those parents were Mike or me. We love that stuff!!

And I totally know what you mean about the 4 am blood draw. Last time I was in the hospital for my gall bladder, they had to try like 10 times. I swore I looked like I was in a prison fight when I finally got home.

Hope your knuckles are healing well! Maybe you should stay away from the mandolin too. Those are great for eggplants but you might lose an entire digit.

AndreAnna said...

P.S. My initials are ARM, so whenever I see those posts, it weirds me out. LOL

Michael C said...

Bee: Glad I could help ;-)

Arm: There is nothing wrong with watching the Disney Channel ;-)
I think High School musical is on again tonight...I mean, it IS the Disney Channel. For them to show it just once wouldn't be in character for them.

AA: Definitely no mandolin for me! So, what's the middle name??? ;-)

captain corky said...

I don't have an A game so I guess I'm going to have to home school.

8:00 am to 8:30 AM Gilligan's Island.

8:30 to 9:00 AM Bewitched, and so on and so forth.

Glad to see you back to your business Michael!

Patti said...

I also hate those completely useless conversations one is forced into from time to tim.
Unlike blogging, which of course is totally useful chatter!

I have a Q for Tuesday

AndreAnna said...


lol, Rose.. don't you read my blog? I told you in the purse entry.

Airam said...

I learned that when you get a gum lift it feels as though you have braces on the top of your teeth.

I learned that despite the warning that I should eat mushy food, I could eat regular food so long as I chewed from my back teeth.

I learned that when it comes to food I will do whatever it takes to inhale it.

I learned that I need a gym membership.

Michael C said...

Corky: Can I be in your class????

Patti: Anything blog worthy is life worthy.....that belongs on a bumper sticker or something!!!!

AA: Where are my manners???? ;-)

Airam: Ok, next time I can't fulfill my Saturday Blogging duties, you have proved that you will be a more than capable 'Things I Learned' hostess!!!!

Heart Of Darkness said...

I used to have a friend that snook up on my cat in the litter box just to see what the turds would look like... sadly, she was disappointed each time, as my not-very artistic cat always laid turds looking like - yep, you've guessed it: turds....

But you wouldn't believe how much I spent on cat theraphy after the poor thing got such terrible stage fright she no longer could use the litter box at all... ;)

Odat said...

Maybe you should sell Mabel's turds on E-Bay! (ok I know that was bad) I'll go now.

notfearingchange said...

That you Mr. Michael...always teachable.

Ralph said...

- Do you use the cheese grater to prepare 'finger' food?
- I like Matchlight or equivalent because it lights easy. We felt blessed when we found 1/2 bottle of Kingsford lighter today in the garage. Although 'Arson' is not my middle name
- Talented doggie you have there!
- Which Dirty Jobs episode were you discussing? A little while back, he was cleaning, uh, waste at a sewage treatment pump station. Imagine that (Mabel's poop is pretty benign in comparison)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I used to love those health food store dates rolled in shredded coconut until my son, also an artist, noted that they looked exactly like the contents of the catbox.

phishez_rule said...

There are very few food that don't taste great when they're chased down with a strawberry milkshake.

Michael C said...

Heart: My cat was perfectly sane and would not use the litter box just so she could hear me cuss when I had to clean up after what she would leave me just one foot from her litter box!

Odat: Well, if I did then I could fund the Elvis collector's PEZ set I want on ebay...

Not Fearing: You are welcome...good to see ya, btw.

Ralph: It was either finger food or a knuckle sandwich ;-)

Hearts: That is funny. I love coconut so much I probably would eat them despite the appearance.

Phishez: THAT is a very good point!

Heart Of Darkness said...

You had a cat? My, my, liking you more by the minute! :D

Patti said...

I like that bumper sticker idea. ;-)

FRIGGA said...

Dude I like that show Dirty Jobs. Well, sometimes I have to look away...

And I'm stil laughing about the charcol - sounds like something I'd do... Or have done... it's all the same, right?

Oh oh, is tomorrow Tuesday?
Yikes okay okay Question for you:
Fastforward 20 some years and you get to pick Lucy & Ethel's careers - what do you choose for each of them?