Sunday, August 26, 2007

Repost Sunday: A Slow Pitch Right Down The Middle

I rerun some of my older posts on Sundays as a way to highlight stories that you may have missed. Just think of it as 'thought recycling' and a day off, or that I am incredibly, incredibly lazy.

When you get your inspiration from making fun of odd news stories, it doesn’t get any easier than this: A woman with the last name of Butts was accused of stealing toilet paper from an Iowa Courthouse. Ok, it could have been just a little better; her last name could have been something like Wipey. Yeah, I would pay someone with the last name of Wipey to steal toilet paper. Hey, what about Hiney? Hiney would be good too.

What I can’t figure out is why someone with such a ‘touchy’ or ‘sensitive’ last name as Butts would ever try to steal toilet paper, let alone steal it from a hall of justice, how cheeky. Sorry. Couldn’t she think of better booty to loot? Now she’ll be the butt of many jokes, although she probably already is. I can think of a few of my own to well, crack. Of course, I would never make them directly to someone with the last name of Butts because I wouldn’t want to look like an ass. I guess in hindsight, I already do.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the stealing thing. It has to be on par with stealing a candy bar from a police station vending machine. I wanted to say stealing donuts from a donut shop, but that’s too obvious so I decided to glaze right over it and just sprinkle it in there. I don’t like to leave holes in my stories. Maybe the Butts family could open a cigarette shop or sell a certain prosthesis? But…which body part? How about chins? My favorite is the cleft chin, like the one I possess. Some folks refer to that as a butt-chin, although that should probably be a different tale.

I guess I really have no other point to make. I’ve already come up with every angle of this story that I could. Unfortunately, I can be anal that way. So, I’ll wrap it up now. This could be my shortest post ever but it will allow me to cook dinner tonight. For some reason, I thinking of either rump roast or, yes you guessed it, pork butt, which isn’t what you’d think it is. I think it comes from the shoulder. Although in some animals, the definition of shoulder can be very broad…You know what, I’ll stop while I’m ahead. Or am I behind?


******I have officially become a Podcaster. Click here to check out my very first spoken post...please be kind....

******Here's my weekly reminder to get your questions in for Q&A Tuesday. Yes, tomorrow is Monday, but I find lately that I am filled with such sorrow and despair on Mondays that I can't bring myself to blog. Unless I were to write about death, depression and Rachael Ray, but I wouldn't do that to you.*********

23 comments:

AndreAnna said...

You should write about the joy of pretzels, and how versatile of a food they are. Rachel Ray would be proud.

Anyhoo, yeah, so that's all I have to say about that. Now, Butt out.

Hardy Har.

Lis said...

Ok I've to ask, what will you do when you run out of posts to recycle? Recycle recycled posts?

Ralph said...

The song that might work for this is ‘Moon River’, Andy Williams singing. I hope she stole squeezably soft Charmin, the TP preferred by those animated bears in those ads (and I thought that bears did their poop duties sans paper…ah, nature).

Michael C said...

AA: Yes, I could dip those same pretzels in EVOO. Yum-O!!

Lis: Good Q!!!! Unless you are trying to make a statement ;-)

Ralph: Moon River indeed. Ahh, Andy Williams! What a voice!

Patti said...

So as not to be left behind here, I will try to "butt"er you up and tell you this cracked me up.

Ok, I'm trying.

I thought of a sequel to your future hit musical, "Nylons in Arizona." If you are nice to me I will tell you.

Airam said...

Have you ever been mistaken for John Travolta because of your cleft chin? Do people randomly come up to you and say, "Tell me about it ... stud!"?

PS - Yay for podcasts! :)

Airam said...

BTW that was my question for Tuesday ...

Michael C said...

Patti: Ok, I'll be nice.

Airam: It's a good thing you left that second comment because I was going to have to ask you if those were in fact your Tuesday questions. Thanks for the help with that!! ;-)

Airam said...

Another question ...

why did Justing Timberlake feel as though he needed to bring sexy back? Did it ever really go away? Or is he just THAT full of himself?

Michael C said...

Airam: I will add this one to the list. ;-)

Airam said...

Justin. Not Justing. Just thought I'd clarify.

:P

Dr. A said...

For some reason, I'm unable to post a comment on your podcast site, so I'll do it here.

Great job with the podcast. I'll be listening for more!

C said...

That was asinine butt much fun to read.

ARM said...

How did I miss this post with the podcast link when I came here earlier? I didn't see it! I swear! Granted, I was tired and wacked out from reading all day, but still!

Love the podcast, my friend. And your repost. I kind of remember the butts/TP story when it was in the news. I think we had some e-mails floating around will all kinds of bad puns.

I'll be back with a question.

Michael C said...

Airam: Oh, OK, I thought Justing Timberlake was his impersonator or something.

Dr. A: Thanks!! Good to see ya again!

C: You just scored a ton of points if we were keeping bad pun points!

ARM: Was that emails with bad puns or bad buns? Sorry, can't help myself!!

Odat said...

LOL...
Hey Love, love, love your podcast..Nice voice!....but I don't know how to leave a comment...i tried everything...!!!!!!!!!!! Let me know how I can comment there???

Patti said...

Yes, forgot to mention nice voice.. :-)
Your next career awaits...

Odat said...

Oh and here's my,err, questions...I'm going to type them in capital letters so you won't miss them this week...ahahaha.

1)IF ALL IS NOT LOST, WHERE IS IT?

2) IF YOU HAVE A CURED HAM, WHAT DISEASE DID IT HAVE???

peace

Mother Hoodwink said...

I went to school with these four friends. Two of them had the last name of Dickerson (twins) one was Buttland and the last one was Butts. They called themselves the Dick, Dick, Butt, Butt group.

Cleft chins are sexy on men. Not so much on women. My husband likes to be mean to me by squeezing my chin to give me the "butt chin" because he knows that I think if you do that too much, it will stay like that forever. I get this from the Wisdom of Grandma teachings.

FRIGGA said...

Who would you rather be, Darth Vader, or Jeff Gordon? ;-0

meleah rebeccah said...

You are the King of Puns my friend.

I'm so glad that a woman with the last name BUTTS stole toilet paper just so YOU could write this post.

Michael C said...

Odat: Thanks and I swear I would NOT have forgotten your questions this week ;-)

Patti: Thanks!

Mother Hoodwink: That is a very funny school story. I always comment on how attractive women with cleft chins are. They have that certain something to me ;-)

Frigga: That will be a fun one!

Meleah: Glad you enjoyed it. Butt puns are fun!!

best bud's wife said...

for Q&A Tues- (I'm not very creative)
What about Bob?
What's in your wallet?
Who framed Roger Rabbit?
Where's Waldo?
Do you know the way to San Jose?
Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?