Saturday, January 13, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 1/13/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason, always makes me look pathetic. I hope that at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 1/7/07-1/13/07.

! I learned that I shouldn’t brag about how everyone in my house and everyone at work was sick and that I must possess some superhuman power because I didn’t catch anything. It just took me a few days longer than everyone else.

! I learned that when my wife allows her cat to sleep between us under the covers that no matter how much I cower and keep to my side of the bed, I’m still going to get bit.

! I learned that when a fish dies in our tank, it needs to be removed immediately to avoid prolonged discussions with four year olds about the meaning of life, eternity and heaven.

! I learned that companies make fireplace tools for a reason. Apparently fingers and hands are not meant to be the tools one uses to adjust logs upon the fire.

! I learned that I should not share with my coworkers that I’m skipping lunch with them so I can go buy more PEZ. Trust me, it’s wrong on so many different levels.

! I learned that Southern Californians are not prepared for snow or ice when it falls well below the normal higher elevations. You’d think we’ve never seen the stuff before.

And lastly,

! I learned that I should not bring in candy for the office to share when that same candy was given to me as a gift by a coworker (for Christmas three weeks ago).


Odat said...

Pez again? lol...That sounds wrong to me too!
Thanks for my Saturday laughs.

Violet said...

I don't see the problem with sharing gift candy, though perhaps maybe it would have looked better if you'd opened it and shared it soon after you received it. Candy is for sharing, after all.

CSL said...

We had a fish in our tank who was systematically and secretly taking out the others. She foolishly did in her mate, who'd been our primary suspect, and then we were on to her. She was, um, dispatched while the kids were away and when they noticed we just told them she had died. Some things don't need to be explained.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hey michael. glad you learned a few things this week, but dang honey, i'm afraid you are going to need remedial education on women. you see, we have (brains and feelings you idiot) some strange ways about us. we seem to remember little indescretions (for the rest of our natural born days) and things like the candy are the same as regifting, see, like you didn't LIKE the candy or WANT the candy, you see? (poor little thing won't ever get it i'm afraid. sigh....) that's good michael, now you've got it! smiles, bee

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

It sounds as if you learned the folks at work aren't washing their hands enough. Plus, you learned all about the serial comma, eh?